I have posted before about DS' issues but things have gotten worse. Last week he was violent every single day in school and on friday morning he got up before Ds1 and I were awake and let himself out of the house, went to the shop and attempted to walk into town before a woman found him and called the police. I had already woken in this time and called the police myself and social services are coming to discuss further support as i have asked for help to deal with him. they said that i acted protectively and have no concerns about my actions regarding his escape on friday.
But i need to know how to deal with him going forward. He is so angry. He has been seeing a family support worker for his anger since july for one hour a week. She see him during school. Things had really improved but just recently, within the last couple of weeks he has dramatically changed and is lashing out all the time. I am in tears every afternoon after his teacher tells me what he has done. I worry he will be excluded and i wouldnt blame them. He is hurting other children. He is turning chairs upside down and standing on tables. Today he took his school bag to the bathroom and filled it with water then left it in the sink and denied it when the bag was discovered. One day last week he took another child's bag and smeared her yoghurt all round the inside of her bag and then hid it. He also denied doing this. He lies a lot, he denies telling the lady who found him last week that he was going to soft play to meet me and telling the staff in the shop that i was waiting outside in the car.
I am working really hard with him on the lying and the anger. We agreed that when he is angry he should go to a designated quiet place and that he should "smell the cake and blow out the candles" this is the same approach the teachers use in school so there is no confusion. It was working in school but recently the teacher says he just refuses to go. Last week she says she ignored all his disruptive behaviour, left him in the cloakroom (when the yoghurt in bag incident is supposed to have happened) to come out when he was ready, but it didnt seem to have any effect. She told me today she really shouted at him and he shouted back at her whilst in tears which i have experienced too. She is just as much at a loss as I am.
I had hoped to hear from SS today to arrange a visit but they havent called. I dont even know what support we need, i just know he's really not happy and no-one knows how to deal with it.
A friend suggested a mood chart with faces of happy to sad on it. I dont even know if this will work because when he explodes he just goes from 0-60. Where would i interject with a mood chart? when he is calm he is the loveliest person, his teacher says the same, he is delightful and so keen to please, offers to help me at home or help out in the classroom. He is a real jolly character but he is like a ticking time bomb and there doesnt seem to be obvious triggers.
An example fromthis evening.
He was playing with his brothers PSvita and something was wrong with the headphones. He started whining then instantly growled (he does this a lot) and started stretching them. His brother tried to grab them off him (to prevent them being broken) and DS threw them on the floor an started crying. I brought him over to the sofa and asked him to calm down and do his breathing. He wasnt interested, he just wanted to cry so i said to sit on my knee and when he was ready to talk i would listen. Whilst on my knee he started pushing what was on the arm of the sofa off onto the floor, this was deliberate and to get a reaction. I ignored it and then he said he was ready to talk so i asked him what he was upset about, he started crying again in frustration and then jumped off my knee, deliberately stomped on my foot and kicked the headphones that were on the floor then went upstairs to his room. I could hear him singing. He came down a few minutes later and said he was ready to talk so i started to ask him why e was upset and he explained that DS1 had grabbed the headphones from him, i said that DS1 did that to stop them getting broken and he started whining again. I said when you are finished crying we can talk. He started smirking and then a full on laugh. Eventually i got him calmed and said that he must do his breathing and go to quiet place Instead of growling and damaging things, i got him to apologise and to tidy what he had thrown on the floor.
This is a very mild example but a pretty common occurrence. He has taken to punching and kicking me, swearing at me and giving me the finger. He also swore at my mum when she was looking after her and she told him off for something.
So as to give full facts, he is under the SALT and has been since age 2 however hasnt had any sessions since may due to the classroom support being unavailable after P2 in our area, he had to attend for assessment in october and they said he needs more sessions so i am waiting on the letter coming through.
He also cannot read beyond 2/3 letter words and is reluctant to do so but we are reading every day (mostly me doing the reading and asking him to help at words i think he can guess) he has been moved back to the P2 table in school.
He is still not 100% dependable at using the toilet. (He is ok with pees but not poos) It has been a LOT better this past month with hardly any accidents but there are still some.
He is on an IEP in school and the principle is saying he is at the level of about a 4 year old. I can see why she says this, he is very immature in some ways and obviously behind in some stages of development.
Thank you if you have read this far, i tried to find SN children section but couldnt so have posted here.
I am really just looking for advice on what i need to do, what support should i be asking for from SS? I have asked the principle for a meeting too, to discuss managing him in class so i need to know what i am going in with as suggestions. Currently i am drawing a blank.
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Behaviour/development
Im at a loss with how to deal with DS(6)
18 replies
SurlyCue · 30/11/2015 18:33
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