does my son have asd or ADHD

[GeorgiaT2468]

Hi there, in just wondering if anyone can relate to me at all. My 5.5 year old son has presented many behaviours since just past his first birthday. It started off with what I thought was the terrible two's with his temper tantrums and not listening to me ect. I wouldn't say I was strict on him because he was only little when it started and many people would acknowledge he was a handful but also that its usual and he's only little ect. As times gone on Iv attempted to put boundaries in place, consequences and used the naughty step, calm talking and reward charts. When I talk to him he appears to listen but as soon as we are done talking and Iv explained what consequence he will have if he does it again within 5 minutes he's doing the same again. Iv explained the rules of the naughty/thinking step that he must sit quietly for 5 minutes, he must not come off or scream at me or throw things near him but whilst on the step he repeatedly does these things, resulting him being on there longer. I'm very calm and I think im in control but he pushes buttons I didn't realise I had and I end up cross and upset and like I can't manage the behaviour. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him the step rules it's like he forgets and constantly questions how long do I need to be on here, I want to come off, mum, mummy. Ect, I always explain but it doesn't seem to go in. His behaviour at times is out of control and he gets so angry if something doesn't work or if he can't have something. It's not in a spoilt way he really appears so distressed and almost fearful if somethings not working. He doesn't like to go to bed or be in any darkness at all, he's terrified and will protest so much with crying and begging me not to send him to bed, even with a story, night light and cuddles which he has every night, in the end I give up and lay in bed with him comforting him. Many times I fall asleep too and in the morning I'm rushed off my feet before school doing jobs I couldn't get done the night before. He often wakes in the night or like 5am to get up, he's wide awake and his mind is running wild, I try to get him back to sleep but it's impossible, he's then so tired and tearful. He appears like he can't accept rules, I can tell him something 100 times and when I ask him to repeat what Iv said he cries and says he doesn't know it or can't remember. Lately at school he's been getting in trouble with being loud, interrupting others and shouting out in lesson despite his teacher pulling him aside to explain acceptable behaviours, he has behavioural charts at school but for him it's almost impossible to follow even though Iv enforced the same thing at home and it's full of great rewards that he's is so excited to receive. Yet he doesn't follow the rules and never gets rewards, when he doesn't get them he's so upset and remorseful of his behaviour. Just recently we had a discussion about making sure he wipes his bottom properly after the loo and washing his hands afterwards. I explained reasons why we must all so this and explained about germs and unhealthy things that can come from being unclean. I may have made a mistake here because now he is obsessed with washing his hands and using the toilet. He wakes during the night and instantly panics and says in a fearful voice mummy I need the toilet and to wash my hands. Every 5 minutes he's in the bathroom and if I try and distract him and stop him doing this so frequently he is terrified and cries and runs to the bathroom to do it. It was a simple lesson in hygiene but it's escalated out of control. He makes friends and keeps them I fact he's very popular among his peers but also quite particular about his role in playing games, he has to do things his way and sharing can be somewhat a problem. If he gets a bit of water on his clothes he panics and has to change it rather than allowing the drop to dry. He goes into school very well and is quite confident but when I leave to go to work he sobs and begs me to stay, same if I manage to stay awake after cuddling him in his bed and i get out to do jobs, if he wakes up he runs out after me. Sometimes he can't finish a meal on his own and cries and protests if I ask him to eat more, but if I feed him he will eat until his hearts content. When doing homework if he gets a word wrong in his reading book and I explain he nearly got it right but to try again he gets so angry and screams he can't do it. No matter what I try most days are a struggle, the school and myself can't seem to find a solution and I'm really worried about him he's such a loving, polite, caring, sweet child and always wants to please me bless him but although he tries so hard he can't keep things up like being calm, a quiet voice or accepting what a grown up says. He's very easily distracted and can't keep still most of the time. It's quite stressful when we go out for family days and fun because he is stressed or angry about something or obsessed with just doing a certain thing. Is this normal for his age or do I need to speak to someone about it? There's lots more to add to this and possibly an incident to add which I feel could have caused further anxiety. But without mentioning that right now I was wondering if anyone could help advise me or have an input? I'm so very tired, Iv got other children too and juggling it all is exhausting and I just want to make sure I'm doing right by my children, they are my world, my heart and sole! I feel like I'm failing them because I just do not know where to turn. Thanks for reading xx

[GeorgiaT2468]

Ok that sounds great. Thank you so much. May I ask what treatment was offered for her? Many people have said Ritalin medication which is causing me to panic the idea of him being on medication can I get that book on Amazon? Xx

[PisforPeter]

Have you asked his teachers if they think there is a problem?

[AngelSparks]

Hi

I cant read your post, because I cannot there are no breaks in there

Don't ask mumsnet to diagnose your child though, go to the Drs and ask them to

[GeorgiaT2468]

Yea Iv asked. They have said they are not concerned at all yet asked my permission to enrol him into their sensory circuit program a that's run each morning before class. When I questioned why they wanted him to do this they said they felt it would help him use some energy up physically so he could concentrate more on class work. Apparently this is working however the teachers speak to me at least 3 times a week about something or other xx

[Hurr1cane]

You don't medicate for ASC. Ritalin can be used to control ADHD but only if you consent to it. They won't force you.

I can't really see much from what you've written to be honest. But I'm not so well so might not be reading properly. I was thinking perhaps PDA (which is a form of autism)

[ChipInTheSugar]

Find out who your school nurse is too and seek help through her.

[Alfieisnoisy]

Hello Georgia, I've read your post and it sounds like you have several concerns.

My advice as someone else suggested is to look through your post and make a list of all the behaviours you've noted and any others that seem odd to you.

Ask the school what their concerns are too as it sounds like they've had some issues as well.

Go to your GP and discuss everything with him/her and ask if your DS could be seen and assessed by a community paediatrician.

Is your DS your only child?

I only ask as my DS is also an only child and I put a lot of his oddities down to that. In fact my DS has ASD, ADHD and learning difficulties. He was diagnosed at 7 with ASD and with ADHD aged 8. Medication for ADHD has been a miracle for him as he went from very basic reading to fluent reading within three months of starting it.

Not saying your DS has ASD or even ADHD but there are enough behaviours and issues in your post to warrant further assessment.

Hope that helps.

[GeorgiaT2468]

Thank you so much I will check it out. I'm so grateful for your information xx

[GeorgiaT2468]

Thank you so much for taking your time to advise me. I am going to write down everything, arrange a meeting with the school on Monday and then make an appointment with the doc too.. Would you take your child into the doctors room to discuss this? Or shall I do this without him initially? Xx

[GeorgiaT2468]

Thanks kindly to you all xx

[SleepIsForTheWeakAnyway]

Sorry, I didn't read through your entire but I agree it's not ideal to diagnose via Mumsnet.

My ds has asd & adhd diagnosis though. My GP tried to help but the referrals were refused. Luckily his school was very helpful and they did the referrals even though they were convinced that he didn't have adhd. So basically, by all means try your GP but if your pct is anything like mine then the schools referral will have more clout.

Best of luck

[GeorgiaT2468]

I'm not relying on here to diagnose my son and would take him to he doctors anyway as that's been strongly on my mind these past few weeks. I just wanted a bit of advice also, I don't have much support around me that's all and I guess with all you kind people it helps give me some guidance. Xx

[Branleuse]

I think you need to speak to the school senco. List your concerns, maybe write it all out first. The school wont be able to tell you, they might not know, and theyre not qualified to diagnose. They can however refer you to the community paediatrician for further tests. You can tell the school that youre worried that he might be on the spectrum, and youre finding it really tough at the moment with his behaviours. You may be surprised how supportive they can be.

[AngelSparks]

Maybe start with an apt with the Drs for just you, the gp will most likely have to refer you anyway to a specialist?



heres a handhold while you are waiting

[GeorgiaT2468]

I thought if I made an appointment with the school I could list any of their concerns with mine and take it to the doctors with me? I know they can't tell me but I need them to be clearer with me about concerns. But they think everything's fine the last time we spoke and haven't offered me any further conversation about it? But he's got his own reward chart at school, specific procedures for him to manage his behaviour and also enrolled him on sensory circuit which was only a 6 week programme but they have kept him on it? I question often but feel a bit as though they aren't taking my concerns on board much? Xx

[GeorgiaT2468]

Sorry I missed a comment. No he's not my only child I have two others younger than him also xx

[GeorgiaT2468]

Sorry I'm new to this what does DS stand for? xx

[Branleuse]

theres no point going through the doctor. Once hes at school, its all dealt with via education. It will be a wasted appointment.
If he was pre-school, you could do it via the Health visitor

ds stands for darling/dear son
dd = dear daughter etc

[GeorgiaT2468]

Oh I see, il get the info Monday from the school then and see what they say. I think I need to be a bit firmer with the school xx

[sliceofsoup]

But they think everything's fine the last time we spoke and haven't offered me any further conversation about it? But he's got his own reward chart at school, specific procedures for him to manage his behaviour and also enrolled him on sensory circuit which was only a 6 week programme but they have kept him on it? I question often but feel a bit as though they aren't taking my concerns on board much?

I am going through a similar thing with my 6yo DD. The school have noted concerns and are talking about implementing specific procedures and we have concerns at home, but the school are still insistent that everything is fine and that she doesn't need an assessment.

You are going to have to really push them for answers.

I have gone to my GP and DD is being referred to a pediatrician. We have another meeting in a few weeks with the school when I am going to push the point further and ask them to refer her to the ed psych.

In my (short) experience of this, it feels like it takes the parents to really keep pushing.

No one on here can tell you what the problem is, but I do think from your post and from what the school are already doing to help your DS there could be something there. And after all, you know him best, so trust your instincts!