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I slapped my 6 year old son across the face..

(20 Posts)
Hazelwright Fri 06-Nov-15 15:19:39

I feel truly terrible. I was at my wits ends earlier with my 6 year old and before I knew what I was doing, I slapped him across the face. I belief a combination of things went into my behaving like this, but under no circumstances to I believe my behaviour to be acceptable. I have in the past given him the rare spank on the bottom, but they really have been far and few between. I have of course apologised to my son, but I'm worried, what if I really have done some lasting damage? My DH was in the room at the time and he lost the plot with me for slapping him, which kind of made the whole situation worse, he was shouting at me and trying to comfort DS. I've said sorry to my son, but what else can I say? I really don't feel that what I said covers what I did? I will get help to help me deal with my current situation, but I am just really worried about my son. He went to bed and we still hadn't properly made up. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give. Please don't demonise me, I don't think I could feel much worse. Thanks in advance.

soupmaker Fri 06-Nov-15 17:03:22

Oh dear. Despite saying I never would I have smacked my DD1. It was the worst thing I have ever done and I still feel the shame. My DH was shocked but also a good support.

Kids push us to our limits and beyond. You've apologised to him and you need to explain to him that what you did was wrong and that you won't do it again.

Your son will be fine, and so will you. You don't explain all the circumstances but if you can get some help to deal with the reasons why you ended up in this situation. Speak to your DH too.

trapdooragain Fri 06-Nov-15 17:05:44

flowers

TheBitchOfDestiny Fri 06-Nov-15 17:06:43

oh god I did this once too, my ds was a bit older though

felt awful

like the poster above said, sometimes they push us and push us so far, you just see red, its not an excuse I know sad

Guitargirl Fri 06-Nov-15 17:08:34

What on earth did he do to make you slap his face?

It is absolutely right that your DH stood up for your son.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Fri 06-Nov-15 17:09:21

If you are resorting to physical chastisement you are clearly struggling with managing his behaviour or your own self regulation.
If your school has a Parent Support Advisor or Learning Mentor they can refer you to other services where support is available.

keely79 Fri 06-Nov-15 17:12:42

You need to address what has made you act this way - I would try to seek anger management training or perhaps see a therapist. Taking proactive steps to address will enable your DH and DS to see that you are horrified by what you have done and are ensuring that it won't happen again.

Perhaps sit down with your son, explain why you think you reacted like that, say it won't happen again - and this is why, and then try to find coping mechanisms to stop it happening.

As a one off, children are resilient and as long as he is confident it won't happen again, I doubt there is any lasting damage. If you let it happen again, that is a different matter.

hesterton Fri 06-Nov-15 17:15:51

Did you bruise him? Is he ok?

It is time for you to seek some help really. And he deserves a huge apology.

MouldyPeach Fri 06-Nov-15 17:17:10

Don't beat yourself up too much about it, it was a snap reaction and one you're ashamed of now. You are not an awful person and you didn't do it on purpose. Please try to get some support so that you don't get to such a point again flowers

nilbyname Fri 06-Nov-15 17:22:26

Count to ten and walk away next time.

I think you need to reprogram yourself, hitting is NEVER ok. I have a 7, 4 year old and have never hit. You just don't need to.

You need to work out ways to manage your temper. Contact your local children centre and they can refer you on a parenting course.

Good luck.

SushiAndTheBanshees Fri 06-Nov-15 18:17:19

I think that at 6yo you can talk to him about what happened, along the lines of:

What I did was wrong and something I'm embarrassed about. Sometimes people get frustrated and it all gets too much - I'm sure you've felt that way too - but the correct thing to do is to deal with the emotion calmly and work out a good way to deal with what's going on. I should never have hit you and I'm very sorry for that. I will work on how I deal with my emotions so that it never happens again.

This way, you acknowledge the error in what you did, explain to him that similar behaviour from him is not desirable, and also teach him that people can change their behaviour and that they are not hostage to their emotions.

Don't worry, it's bad but it's not insurmountable. Just make sure he knows you really regret it and love him massively.

3littlebadgers Fri 06-Nov-15 18:24:30

I agree with being honest with him and asking him for forgiveness. Try to be cautious when choosing your words. Try not to say 'you did x and so I got angry' because that is laying the blame on your dc for your actions and we are all responsible for our own action. I hope you all go to bed tonight after making up and having a good cuddle.

Mamamoose1 Fri 06-Nov-15 18:55:57

My mum slapped my sister across the face when she was young, my sister has never forgotten it, but then she doesn't have a close relationship with our mum, so could be why, my mum also suffered from mental illnesses too, I'm not saying it's an excuse to slap my sister, but that contributed to a lot of my mums behaviour.

Mamamoose1 Fri 06-Nov-15 18:57:12

Don't beat yourself up about it though, you need to apologise and make it known that it wasn't acceptable. I'm sure it wouldn't have damaged or affected you son in any way.

scarednoob Sat 07-Nov-15 11:10:29

I'm sure nothing could make you feel worse than you already do. You know it was wrong and you'll take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again - you're human. You can't undo it, but you can remember how this feels so that it puts a lid on any future outbursts.

as for your son, I agree totally with the above advice: he's old enough for you to talk to him about his behaviour and how it pressed your buttons and about your behaviour and how it was wrong and you won't do it again.

Try not to dwell on what happened, just to focus on how to fix it so you're even closer than before.

originalmavis Sat 07-Nov-15 11:17:48

I think the best thing is for you and your husband not to continue arguing - the child will only feel worse that they have 'caused' a fight between mum and dad.

All sit down, mum and dad in agreement (ait next to each other, hold hands/smile at each other) sat that hitting is never right and that you are sorry that you did this. He caused you to get angry because of x, y and Z and, although we all have to learn not to get annoyed or angry about other people, we are all human and sometimes get cross. Keep calm and don't let him emotionally blackmail you with waterworks or 'oooh mummy it still hurts!'.

Don't feel bad - kids can sometimes try the patience of a saint (on purpose). It's button pressing. You won't do it again. Try to give yourself some space today. Let the boys do some male bonding together.

Beautifulbella Sun 08-Nov-15 19:35:38

I think all of the above advise is great, you've realised you acted wrongly. All I can suggest is your privately go and talk to your son. explain you was wrong, you are truly sorry and it is never acceptable to smack/hit somebody. I would then talk to oh and do the same, you could ask him to help more when he can see your getting stressed and lo is pushing you too far.
Take a breather, sometimes as parents we need to realise as much as children throw a tantrum we have a right to let of steam ourselves (by this I mean, go outside for ten minutes. Or take sometime away for the child for ten mins to calm down) stop judging yourself, you sound like a loving mum who's truly sorry.

stretch919 Tue 10-Nov-15 17:06:54

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ArmchairTraveller Tue 10-Nov-15 17:10:52

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NotEmptyNow Tue 10-Nov-15 17:22:07

My very loving, patient mother slapped me across the face around this age and gave me a black eye. Yes I remember it but as it was a one off I don't think there was any long term damage whatsoever. I knew my mum regretted it and even at that age could see how out of character it was and it didn't effect our relationship or the trust I had in her. She was under a lot of stress at the time aswell. Try not to beat yourself up about it. What's done is done, of course it was wrong but your son still loves you.

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