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How can I help my DD with social anxiety?

(60 Posts)
chuffinalong Wed 04-Nov-15 12:07:53

Hi, my daughter is 10 years old and an early developer, which could be quite relevant. She has severe/moderate learning difficulties and I'm questioning weather or not she has a form of autism called Pathological demand avoidance whereby she feels anxious when she's not in control.
She's always been a happy, friendly and extremely polite little girl. She loves attention from family members and has always wanted to be in the spotlight within the family. At the same time though, she could only manage large family gatherings in small doses then she'd have to withdraw and play on her own in her room or even put herself to bed. Ever since she was very young, she'd refuse to join in at parties or any activity which was organised. Then after a while she'd hide away or put herself to bed, even in other people's houses.
She's always been very popular at school as she is a very loving, innocent kind of child. Quite recently though, I think her popularity may have dropped a bit as the children are getting older, they are becoming less willing to join in her imaginary play. I know she can be very fixed in her ideas of what to play and loves repetition.
Over the course of about 2 years, she has become more and more socially isolated. It started with her not wanting any more play dates at her house, but she'd go to other people's. Then she didn't want to go to their houses either, or meet up outside of school at all. Now she's refusing to go anywhere where there are other people! We do still take her out, always against her will and we try to find quieter places to go, such as nature walks or national trust houses. She says she finds adults easier to cope with than children but still seems very anxious around either.
Rather than acting shy though around people, she'll often draw attention to herself by shouting things, making silly noises or being very loud and bolshie with me or her dad. Then she'll complain that people are looking at her... I've explained to her every time that if she doesn't act in the way she is, people wouldn't look at her.
Have any of you experienced similar things with your children? I'd really like some advice and maybe some strategies we can try.
Thanks.

chuffinalong Wed 04-Nov-15 17:41:34

bump

Gingernut81 Wed 04-Nov-15 20:34:41

I can't offer much help but as a teacher have you discussed this with her school? Could they or you get referred to an educational psychologist for an assessment? The children I've had experience with with pathological demand avoidance have reacted in much more extreme/violent ways to your daughter. Sorry I can't offer any more advice.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:02:27

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..

Toffeelatteplease Thu 05-Nov-15 10:14:33

You need to find a nice local special needs support group with holiday activities. No one will care less if she is loud or makes silly noises.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:23

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:27

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:28

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:29

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:33

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:33

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:33

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:34

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

chuffinalong Thu 05-Nov-15 10:17:34

Thank you. smile She is due to be assessed by an ed psych very soon. It's to re assess her level of learning difficulty. We will be meeting with him first to discuss our concerns. I can mention this then.
The school are aware of the situation and there has been talk about referring her to CHAMS. I'm not sure weather I want this or not. Of course I want her to get all the help she can, but I've heard from many people that they are a waste of time and I don't want her to worry that there's something else wrong with her..
I'm on a PDA forum, and you're right, it does seem as if they all have much more aggression and violent outbursts than my daughter, who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in her body. When she gets extremely anxious she cries or maybe shouts. She's even been known to laugh hysterically for four hours between school and going to bed, because she'd been made to hand out some books to her class mates. She didn't tell us this, we asked the teacher the next day if there might have been anything that sparked this behaviour. Apart from that, she has every symptom in the book of PDA. She's always at her best at home or in school, it's just the great out doors she finds hard to handle.

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