Anxious dd(4 Posts)
My dd is 6. She's a bright girl. She has a lot to deal with as my DS has high functioning ASD. Although he's s clever boy, his ASD can sometimes be overwhelming.
Dd often takes a bit of a backseat. So, to compensate a little I have often treated her to a little cuddly toy. Not all the time but now and again. She enjoyed it, quite a little 'mummy'
DH decided he'd had enough of this though and told her it was a waste of money. Dd took it to heart. Now she won't even go into a toy shop, almost to the point of hyperventilating. I've tried to reassure her that it's ok, so has DH, as he feels awful. But it's made no difference.
I've today suggested a party, just a few school friends at home, for her birthday in a few weeks. She started crying, said no, it's a waste of money, she doesn't want anything for Christmas
She was bullied at her previous school. She was so confident. It's so sad to see her bring like this. I don't know how to help her
Could you reassure her that you aren't going to starve. She does seem to be having quite a strong reaction, was your DH angry or shouty over the cuddly toys?
Could you both sit her down and talk about how the family income covers essentials and then you are lucky enough to have some left over for things that you enjoy? If you point out that DH has a few things every now and then and you do, that you enjoy but don't benefit the rest of the family and she can too, like the odd cuddly toy.
Is there another way you could spend time with her? Maybe take her swimming or bake some cakes?
This struck a chord with me as I hated being bought stuff as a child because of the guilt I felt (my parents divorced, my mum was broke and got upset when my dad bought me anything). I was very anxious and peculiar about gifts for quite a long time - when my dad took me out I'd look for the cheapest thing in the gift shop on purpose (as he'd get upset if I wanted nothing). Guilt is a horrible feeling - it sounds like she's feeling guilty for wanting things that are a 'waste of money'.
I guess you've explained to her that different people value different things, so her dad might not like and value cuddly toys, but plenty of other people do.
Does she get pocket money? Maybe a small amount each week, to spend or save however she likes, might give her a bit more confidence, slowly... You could give her responsibilities in the house in exchange so she feels she's 'earned' it. And in the run up to Christmas, maybe get her involved in choosing gifts for other people, maybe she could choose her own little gifts to give to close family so she sees the other side of it, the pleasure that comes from treating someone else.
And maybe let her choose from different activities for her birthday? If she's feeling a bit fragile at the moment she might not actually want a party... Maybe a quieter day really focusing on her and making her feel really special - in non-expensive ways.
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