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DD doesn't seem to be able to make and keep friends

(6 Posts)
Chairmeoh Thu 22-Oct-15 16:18:23

DD(7) is an only child. She is shy which I know can sometimes seen as rudeness. Both me and her Dad are shy too.
DD has one friend who she's known since 8mo and who we see for play dates every fortnight.
Other than that, she seems to get on with others in her class, but no close friendships. She had one good friend who she referred to as her BFF, but the other girl has moved onto other friends and DD is puzzled why this happened. She still refers to the other girl as her best friend.
I've tried to extend her group of friends by inviting different classmates round to play. But I realised the other day that out of the 9 we've had overr this school year only 2 have returned the invitation by inviting DD to theirs.
She goes to Scouts and other extra curricular groups.
I don't understand why she doesn't get invited for play dates, nor do I know how to help her widen her group of friends.
If I though she was happy being a loner, then I'd leave the situation as it is. But I know she craves friendships and is envious when she sees others going to play dates straight from school.
Any advice?

jwpetal Thu 22-Oct-15 19:18:23

This may not be the advice you are looking for, but I have been directed to this website

blog.ted.com/a-community-for-those-who-like-to-be-alone/?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=talk&utm_term=social-science

It is set up for introverts and has a section for kids. I have not yet looked through it, but it was started on the back of a TED talk on introverts.

My daughter sounds a lot like you so we really try to support her in what she does. She does get upset that she isn't always invited (like her twin), but when she goes she is very quiet. Take a look and see if it helps.

SevenSeconds Fri 23-Oct-15 10:16:36

Do you mean this school year as in since the beginning September? If so, having been invited to two play dates in that time seems like quite a lot to me! Maybe the other parents aren't quite as organised as you? I've got a DD the same age as yours (in year 3) and she's had two friends over to play so far this term (plus a weekly arrangement in which she and another girl play together before their dance class).

Anyway, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. Friendships can be tricky at this age. My DD has a best friend but they went through a bad patch last term which involved lots of tears for a few weeks. They're fine again now.

rainbowunicorn Sat 24-Oct-15 12:32:00

I wouldn't read too much into the playdate thing to be honest. I know myself that we are just too busy for playdates in term time. Also often when you see children going home together to each others houses after school it is more of a childcare arrangement than anything else.
For example I use to pick up my son and his friend one day a week as they were both going to the same activity an hour later and my friend didn't finish work on time so I would take them home go to the activity and come back to mine for tea where friend would come and get him after work. She did the same for me on another day so they weren't playdates as such more a mutual agreement.

Gazelda Sat 24-Oct-15 21:58:52

Thank you all. It's good to have some other perspectives.

DD is quite happy, but it's more the BFF situation that seems to be hurting her. We've spoken a little bit about how sometimes we have best friends, sometimes we have a group of friends and sometimes it's good to spend some time alone. And friendships can be fluid and change for no reason.

The play date thing is more an issue in my head I guess. It just irks me to see parents of children we've hosted for play dates taking home other kids to theirs rather than returning the invite to my DD.

Thanks again.

WombOfOnesOwn Mon 26-Oct-15 16:40:36

I don't think I had more than one or two friends at her age, and not usually for more than a year. I think maybe you're pushing your own expectations of what's normal onto your DD. By age 14 I had a group of friends, but it didn't really happen until then. Let her go at her own pace--every effort adults ever made to "make" me make friends was nothing but misery for everyone involved.

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