I'm finding my 11 yo emotionally exhausting.(3 Posts)
My family is a blended one. I have 3 children (boys) from my previous marriage, 2 step children (boy and girl) and 2 younger children from my new relationship.
My 11 yo son has always been sensitive and doesn't like his step brother or sister. I do totally understand how he feels and tbh they can be quite irritating and monopolising of my attention.
But my 11 yo will just either walk around looking constantly miserable or avoid everyone in his room.
Theyve been living with us for over a year, but we've had them in our lives for about 4.
We have long 1:1 chats, he gets alot of hugs and I always ask him to come join in with things..
I just don't know what to do.. This is breaking my heart.
I'm going to try not to project too much here, but I was intensely miserable when I ended up living in a blended family and so I do feel for your son.
I think the worst thing for me - with hindsight - was feeling that I 'wasn't allowed' to be unhappy. Do you talk to him about that at all? If not, it might be worth finding some kind of counsellor where he feels free to speak for a bit, if he won't speak to you.
And are all of the children around all of the time? He might feel that he doesn't get very much individual attention. Are you able to go out and do things with him alone? This might help him to open up a bit.
And what does his father think? How is he when he's not with you?
Thanks for the response and the insight. I do appreciate it, I haven't gone through the same, but I do try to imagine how I'd feel as a child and keep that in mind.
I do have long conversations with him and he does tend to get alot of my attention, cos I don't like that he's so down. But he will be quite negative even when we're spending time alone. And that does exhaust me, because I don't know what to do to make him happy.. I don't tell him he's wrong for feeling the way he does. I do think counselling is needed. Although I wasn't so successful in accessing this previously.
His father is quite intense also and not very supportive when it comes to parenting them, sometimes we'll be able to discuss the boys over the phone and be in agreement, but at other times he'll use emotional blackmail with the boys or just generally use them in ways to make my life difficult so they get stuck awkwardly in the middle. They only see him for a few hours on a Sunday.
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