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What is considered 'over friendly with strangers' in a 21 month old?

(15 Posts)
Brambles35 Mon 10-Aug-15 09:02:51

Currently filling in a ASQ:SE questionnaire and one of the questions is about being over friendly but what does that mean?

If I'm holding my son and someone is stood near he might put his arms out towards them as if he wants them to take him (usually men). He also walked up to the builder (in our house) putting his arms up to be lifted. My nursery told me that the other day a dad came in and was sat on the floor, and my son went and sat on the mans lap.

It's not every time, sometimes we will stand and talk to people and he just looks at them without approaching etc.

Does this sound 'over friendly' or normal toddler behaviour?

wispaxmas Mon 10-Aug-15 09:10:29

no idea but I'd rather have a friendly child than one who cries when others pick then up or talk to them. I'd say he's just a friendly chappy. probably feels safe in those places and trusts the people he sees there, even if they aren't usually there.

carriebrody Mon 10-Aug-15 09:16:53

That does sound more friendly towards strangers than the average toddler tbh.

MagpieCursedTea Mon 10-Aug-15 09:22:58

My DS is similar (he wanted to hug a workman as he was leaving my parents house and will sit on the laps of other Mothers he doesn't know at playgroup). I worry that he's over friendly but he just seems to like people. He can be shy sometimes too.
What's the form you're filling in?

Brambles35 Mon 10-Aug-15 09:28:39

It's the ages & stages questionaire: social, emotional one. Basically a behavioural/autism screen.

Aliwithtwins Mon 10-Aug-15 09:42:42

I have twin girls; one would have done exactly the same at that age and the other certainly wouldn't. The key is that the child has the chance to approach the grown up... My 'over affectionate' child would be very different with an adult they didn't know taking the initiative (eg a relative they didn't know wanting to pick her up for a cuddle).
As you'll probably guess over two years later and things have changed considerably... And the 'less affectionate' twin is now the huggy one. Enjoy the cuteness!

Longtalljosie Mon 10-Aug-15 09:44:56

Are you going through the results with a HCP? I'd leave it, give them those examples and see what they think

Littlefish Mon 10-Aug-15 09:46:38

I would say that approaching unfamiliar adults, such as the workmen, and the unknown dad for physical interaction is not the norm. Absolutely appropriate if he knew them and had spend time with them, but out of the norm for unfamiliar adults.

Brambles35 Mon 10-Aug-15 10:21:30

Long tall...no I'm not. Back story is that ive had concerns over my sons development and autism traits for a long time. At 19 months I filled in the relevant AS:SE questionnaire in which he scored 110 (cut off for referral is 50) so he was referred to a paediatrician (waiting lists are huge). The questionnaire is for 15-20month olds. I redid the test just before he turned 21 months (and we therefore go onto the next age appropriate questionnaire) and he scored 50 so would have passed the 'test' and considered low risk and not be referred.

He also has developmental delays in all areas. He has/had glue ear which has probably accounted for some/much/all? Of this but his ears have recently cleared and his development has come on loads.

It's the 21m - 26m questionnaire that has the 'over friendly' question and wasn't on the earlier one.

I've put the over friendly one as 'sometimes' and he has an overall score of 50 (again 50 is the cutoff so he would 'pass').

It's all so borderline which is why I'm micro analysing everything. The questionnaire also goes up to 26 months and I'm guessing/hoping that the score will go down further in the next 5 months (things like does he follow simple instructions etc......he's only just started to hear!)

I know I should just leave it to the experts but I've had concerns for about a year yet havnt actually seen anyone about it other than a crap HV!! One day I relax and think 'he's fine' the next day I'm fretting again about his unknown future (I'm also 8 months preggo which doesn't help!!)

Brambles35 Mon 10-Aug-15 10:22:13

And the only reason I have the next questionnaire is because I accessed it myself online

Owllady Mon 10-Aug-15 10:26:34

Tbh all of mine were over friendly..my husband used to work away alot when my older two were young and the boy was convinced any man was his Dad! He used to ask random people and I remember him asking a plumber that was at the house.

That said, trust your instincts but try not to worry too much too.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 10-Aug-15 10:28:56

My 21 month old DD is the same as your DS. At playgroups etc she will sit on random ladies knees. She just likes people!

Longtalljosie Mon 10-Aug-15 12:11:12

Just say yes then.

DeeWe Mon 10-Aug-15 12:12:01

I would say sitting on strangers' knees without a reason.
Ie if they're reading a book and they want to hear, or it's to get something they're holding /above their head then fine. Just going someone they don't know (and lady at toddler group they see regularly I would count as knowing) and siting down on their knee I would regard as unusual.

Being picked up is slightly different. Ds had glue ear and always wanted to be picked up so he was up near mouths so he could hear and lip read easier. Then you get the child wh knows mummy will say "you're fine walking" but a sympathetic stranger might carry them.

TheHouseOnBellSt Mon 10-Aug-15 13:27:55

I think that's quite over friendly at his age. Most DC that age have built up some barriers around strangers....sitting on knees of strangers and asking to be lifted by them isn't usual.

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