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3 nearly 4 yrs old dd hitting biting me and escaping from car seat

(9 Posts)
ooarmehearties Mon 03-Aug-15 09:57:27

My 3-4 year old dd is intelligent,imaginative,creative and on the go all the time,. We've always had trouble with hitting/kicking me and the time out in her room for two mins and then talking about feelings and making up always worked. Now it isn't. I make it clear i love her no matter how badly she behaves, but now she is pushing bounderies to my limit. In the car she escaped from her carseat and was like a wild animal, hitting and biting and scratching me.

When i put her in her room she wees on the rug.

I have tried to be consistent. She has become quite clingy and bossy and wants to sleep in my bed (i'm a lone parent). She seems to want reassurence that i'm there for her, but hurts me or pushes me. I feel like that gap, where the other parent would take over but that i have to power on through, is weakening. I have to pop her in front of cbeebies whilst i do chores, or just have a break. What is she asking of me?

She's not like this at nursery, just me.

Nothing has changed in circumstances. She sees her dad one overnight a fortnight, and doesn't talk about what she does there.I am no contact. I talk positively about her visits, and as far as i can see she has a nice time, if a bit guarded when she returns.

I don't know what to do next.

ooarmehearties Mon 03-Aug-15 16:14:12


Alanna1 Mon 03-Aug-15 16:28:01

I didn't want to read without advice but I didn't really have any. My 3 nearly 4 y.o has recently taken to coming into my bed because she says she's "lonely" - maybe separate out the different issues here? I also use cbeebies to do chores so don't beat yourself up about that! And my 3-4 year old will take as much time as I give her - I think that's entirely normal.

The anger is more worrying TBH. What do nursery say? Have you spoken with your GP? Do you have any money to chat to a private psychologist (as I gather the NHS CAMHS referrals take ages, but that's another route??). I assume you've tried star charts and that sort of thing, and this sounds above that?

Sleepybunny Mon 03-Aug-15 16:39:46

Hi, I don't know if I'll be much help, but here's my two cents;

I have a 2 nearly 3 year old and I have noticed a gradual change in her behaviour where she is pushing boundaries. I've always taken a quite laid back approach and very rarely put her in time out. There are phases of particularly naughty and clingy bossy behaviour too, where I guess she's trying to control her world really.

You sound like you're taking a very loving and nice approach. I wonder if it's time to be firmer. I think she might be looking for those boundaries. Children feel secure not just with love and cuddles, but clear boundaries and rules.

She will kick and scream and try her best to get a reaction from you, so the best thing is to have a strategy of calm clear consequences for her actions. Tell her what behaviour you expect when you get in the car for example, put her in a time out when she does not listen. Maybe a reward chart could help too? My dd isn't really too interested in stickers, but a chocolate button can help!
It'll get harder before it gets easier. She won't hate you or love you any less if she's crying her heart out when fairly punished.

It must be so hard without another parent available to hand over to when you're exhausted. You have my full sympathy!

ooarmehearties Mon 03-Aug-15 16:50:40

Thankyou! Yes, i think you're right, she is asking for those boundaries .

Not sure about a psychologist, I don't think she's sen, she's got a lot of energy and is very quick, her mind is so active i think it frustrates her that i need down time.

Consequences, yes, i will think on it. Her cbeebies app on my phone is her most beloved thing at the moment, so I could withhold that. Also i know she would benefit from being given more responsibility around the home, and out. Helping, making decisions. I just get soooo tired i cut her off sometimes.

ooarmehearties Thu 06-Aug-15 09:03:20

am typing this in tears. she started the day tipping water all over the sofa and living room , then as i was putting the laundry away casually kicked me. I said with eye contact 'no cbeebies app today, we do not kick' and she bit and scratched and punched. I am at my wits end now. She wants attention all the time. last night she wee'd all over her room deliberately, the rug, freshly washed clothes, and then downstairs on the sofa blankets.

I think she is addicted to the 'making up'. She very quickly wants to make friends and do the sorry and i love you routine. This has become some sort of pay off for her. Also she can't stand me being engrossed in other activities- laundry, a teabreak, making lunch. I know i shpuld involve her but i'm so bloody tired i just want to get it done sometimes.

She was so vicious. Her dad is a narc and we were in an ea relationship. I protect her as much as pos, now that i am a lone parent in some ways it's easier as no abuse, but i struggle spreading myself thin.

Children can be naturally narcissistic, but it's so triggering for me seeing that behaviour in her.

ooarmehearties Thu 06-Aug-15 09:03:39

i'm going to post in lone parents too.

Rosenwyn1985 Thu 06-Aug-15 09:54:45

I honestly don't have any advice but feel for you so thought I'd say something just so you know you're not alone! Maybe talk to your gp, she might not be sen, it probably is a reaction to her age and circumstances but the doc might be able to point you to someone you could talk to? Otherwise I don't have any ideas I'm afraid. I've Got family with challenging behaviour and stricter boundaries with positive reward has always helped but as she's just doing this at home it's obviously psychological. That's not to say something is wrong, just that something is bothering her that she's struggling to vocalise. Best of luck

ooarmehearties Thu 06-Aug-15 10:21:10

thankyou rosen. She's just wee'd on my bed, all through duvet and matteress, floorboards. sad all because she couldn't have another biscuit. I'm finding it hard. And i'm tired enough as it is with out all the extra washing!

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