Struggling with 16Month Old - Why does he constantly cry with me but not grandparents?

[StrugglingMum85]

My son is 16 months and has become very fussy. Crying when I change him, dress him, try to feed him, bath him, brush his teeth, take him in the car (that one really bugs me!). He's also VERY clingy to me, he cries when I leave the room, or when his dad tries to take him downstairs. It's becoming very draining. What I can't understand, is that when my parents look after him - 2 days a week whilst I am at work he is like a different child, he goes a whole day without crying, he goes in the car fine, he eats fine, they let them change him ok. What am I doing wrong? I just feel like a failure :(

[RachelLunaMoon]

You are not a failure at all. I suspect that it's becoming a self fulfilling prophecy whereby you are tired and anxious, stressed out and your son is picking up on that and maybe you are focusing on the fussiness rather than the times he's being ok. This isn't a criticism at all as I have noticed the same with my kids. If I think it's all going to be terrible it normally is however when I consciously choose to relax and not anticipate trouble it seems to be ok. Or could it be a matter of perception? Maybe his behaviour is the same with your parents but they are telling you he's been fine because they don't think its a problem in the same way? My parents seem to judge my children's actions in a much more rose tinted light than I tend to. Ask them if they do anything differently also, as maybe they are doing little things that he likes xxxxx

[HumphreyCobbler]

I think children are truly themselves with their primary carer and can therefore release all their emotions. They develop a social self much earlier than you can think! My ds used to be quite different with me than the childminder, he often used to get stroppy as soon as he saw me.