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Only mum will do!

(6 Posts)
Kafri Tue 28-Jul-15 21:52:29

DS is 2.7
He will not let DH do ANYYHING. Getting up - me. Potty - me, dressed/undressed - me, meals - me, play - me, watch TV - me. Getting in/out the car - me. Bath/shower -me. Literally every last thing from getting up to going to bed!!

DH is willing to do everything but it just creates meltdown and wailing of 'nooooo, mummy do it'

I'm out of an evening once a week or so and he will let DH do stuff then without an issue but if we're both around he's insistent on me

If I try saying something like 'daddy's will play while mummy cleans the bathroom' I just get 'daddy clean the bathroom'

It's exhausting to be honest as well as giving DH a very easy life gringrin

I'm fairly strict with him around other behaviours - for example hitting is a zero tolerance and he is made to help out with chores here and there but I don't know how to solve this issue.

The obvious solution is to insist to him that daddy will do x y or z but quite honestly I'm not sure I can face the constant tantrum it would result in if I were to insist daddy did every little thing he wants me to do throughout the day if that makes any sense.
I was riding it out thinking it was just a phase but there's no end in sight as yet!

The only thing I can think is that DH isn't as confident in how to cope with a toddler tantrum or as good as talking to DS and explaining stuff to him so maybe DS feels more secure around me?? For example, DH will moan, not really shout, just moan if DS wets his pants (currently PT) where I'm far more patient and will reassure him that it doesn't matter.
Sorry, I'm rambling but it's hard to paint the full picture.

Thanks

Hero1callylost Tue 28-Jul-15 23:19:01

I think this is a normal toddler phase! My DS is 2y 2m and he's going through a mummy phase now - bedtime for the last few weeks has been 'Daddy go way, Mummy do it bed'.

DH and I alternate doing bedtimes and a few times he's given in after tantrums and asked me to go up to settle him as a last resort. I asked DH to pretend I wasn't in the house the other day - it worked!

Have you tried insisting that daddy will do things? It may take a few days of meltdowns but once he gets the message that he doesn't rule the house it should calm down and will be worth that few days of pain as you'll have a bit of balance restored. Maybe you could insist that daddy e.g. brushes teeth and takes him to bed so he has clear expectations and consistency, and you only have a couple of tantrums a day to begin with that you can psyche yourself up for!

It's nice to be wanted so much but it's exhausting for you!

Gottagetmoving Wed 29-Jul-15 12:22:41

It sounds like your DS gets his way when he insists on it being you all the time, because he makes such a fuss? It is not helped by your DH's attitude and he has to help you with this.
You have to get a bit tougher with your DS and not give in. Don't over explain, just say 'Mummy is doing xyz, so Daddy has to dress you' ( or whatever) and then do not give in if he has a tantrum or makes a duss, because he does this to get control.
Your DH needs to be more assertive and gain confidence so that your DS feels your DH is in charge. He doesn't have to do everything the way you would so long as he shows some confidence and means what he says.

FishWithABicycle Wed 29-Jul-15 12:36:44

This is normal. If you give in to avoid the tantrums you are letting the 2.7yo make the grownup decisions. Be firm that it is daddy's turn. ignore the tantrums. The shouting will stop eventually.

Kafri Wed 29-Jul-15 14:17:22

So far, while thinking it was a phase, I have worked in the idea of not fighting a battle that doesn't matter ie, Not giving him the opportunity to insist on me, therefore meaning he doesn't think he's won if that makes sense.
But, the longer this goes on the more I think I'm going to have to make it a battle and one that I will win grin

Gottagetmoving Wed 29-Jul-15 14:45:14

Don't think of it as a battle. Its just your son demanding things are done his way and all you have to do is not give in to him, whatever his reaction.
He may be doing battle but you don't have to.
No one can make you do something you are determoned you won't do, especially a tiny child grin

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