Suitable punishment for 8 year old swearing?

[mrsallergy]

I don't know how to handle this.

A month or so ago 8 year old ds told his five year old sister to fuck off. He got all privileges (DS or other gadgets, sweets or pudding) removed for a week.

Yesterday he was playing on his DS and shouted out "argh, you fucker" to one of the characters on screen.

I'm ashamed that my parenting is clearly not working and that he uses this kind of language.

What can I do to stop it?

[mrsallergy]

I don't know if punishment is the right word - deterrent perhaps?

[mrsallergy]

Meant to say he got early bedtime for a week too the first time round.

[southeastastra]

get his to say fecker instead seriously its only a word I wouldn't sweat it

[Branleuse]

just tell him its not a nice word and to not swear at people, its unkind.



All privileges lost for a week is a massive overreaction. What are you gonna do if he actually does something bad?

[ShelaghTurner]

Had this yesterday with 7yo dd who said 'bloody' a couple of times. As she learnt it from me there wasn't much I could say except that it wasn't language I wanted to hear from her and that some words are for grown ups not children. I'm sure she liked the novelty of it and will probably have forgotten it this time next week.

[donyourway]

Make him clean the toilet or something else he'd detest doing.

[Soundofsettling]

I'd ask him whether he knows what fuck off actually means, and that it's never a good idea to use words that you don't fully understand.

If he comes across any words he's not sure of, to check them with you and you'll explain how and where they can be used.

[dementedpixie]

I'd tell him not to say it or to say an alternative instead like a pp suggested. Your last punishment was a bit OTT.

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

Where is he hearing it from?

[cluelessnchaos]

It's a bit confusing for kids, they hear adults swear all over the place and people laugh and think it's funny. When they do it their world ends. I would relax but say swearing is not tolerated on any occasion, unless you swear yourself, in which case, I tell my kids do as I say not as I do.

[insancerre]

I've never punished for swearing
Just told them not to do it in my hearing and polite company

[ListenWillYou]

What games does he play on the computer? Does he play online?

I'd go with the removal of privileges as you have done although I might have done it for a few days rather than a week. Maybe you could let him earn some of his things/treats back by chores etc.

[SenecaFalls]

I think you are being way too harsh. If my parents reacted the way you have to bad language, I would have taken every opportunity I could to use it.

Do you say it in their presence? It's difficult to explain to children why adults can use words that children can't because those explanations usually make no sense.

[mrsallergy]

Have I been OTT? .

I think using fuck is a pretty bad word - wouldn't have been so harsh if it had been bloody or bugger. I think the fact that he shouted it at his sister made it/me worse. Yesterday his sister was in the room when he said it too.

I know that he will hear it from adults when we're out and about. I don't know what's changed in the last month though to make him start using it now. He's not doing it for a reaction (I haven't been in the room when he said it) or to 'explore' language. He's using it as an adult would use it if you see what i mean.

[Downfall]

I don't think you've been ott mrsallergy.

We had an identical situation DS2 also aged 8 (except he swore in anger at DS1 aged 10, and casually at the dinner table).

We gave him the talking to, it happened again, so he got a 2 week xbox ban (only allowed it weekends anyway). And if that didn't sink it in, he would have lost his chance to go to his favourite sport activity.

We told him that children swearing like adults with aggression is not acceptable. Our ndn have 3 children under 5 and should not be subjected to hearing that over the garden fence! He knows that DH and I work hard to provide them with opportunities (hobbies etc) and luxuries (xbox etc) and we don't want him taking it for granted by ignoring our boundaries.

Anyway, it was over without high drama, and he hasn't done it since.

[NickiFury]

I just say "hey!" I don't want to ever here that from you again!" showing how shocked I am. It seems enough. It's not a regular occurrence anyway. I certainly don't do big punishments for it.

[olivesnutsandcheese]

I don't think you overreacted at all OP. If my DSS had sworn at 8 we would have had a similar punishment.
However we do have a fair few 'what if' discussions about all sorts of stuff and we have always been frank about what might be overheard but may not be repeated.

[enderwoman]

I think you've over reacted. Totally normal for 8 year olds to swear amongst each other (but not in earshot of adults)
I would be angry about him swearing at his sister but the other example is not as bad. My 8 year old would have been warned that any new swearing about the game then I'd turn it off and he'd be fine about that.

[NickiFury]

Hear! Not here