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How to stop toddler being so jealous?

(11 Posts)
Bellebella Sat 25-Jul-15 10:55:19

My ds is 2 in early September and our first child. He is generally a very happy and enjoyable child and we are very hands on with him so he is used to a lot of our time probably too much really. All good behaviour until I show attention to another child. Then he screams blue murder and goes to hit the child I am showing attention to.

I really don't understand it, he is around children at playgroups and family and has been since birth and so we thought he would improve with time. If anything it is getting worse. Yesterday I took him to visit my sister and my baby niece. Of course I was giving the baby cuddles, while also trying to still give attention to ds, but he was not having any of it. 4 times he went to hit her, in the end I had to keep handing her back to my sister which is a shame because i don't often see my niece. We then tried to get ds involved with the baby so he was holding the bottle for the baby and showing her a toy, all good, until I held her!

It's getting to the point now when I am starting to dread taking him around family children because he really does kick off and tantrum. I have always stopped him before he has hit another child but I worry that i won't always manage it. He hates another child coming anywhere near me. We try disciplining him, telling him to be gentle and getting him involved all playing together etc but nope still he reacts the same if a child goes near me.

Any tips on getting my toddler to react better when he sees me with another child? We would like another child but the way my ds acts around other children it is putting me off the idea!

Bellebella Sat 25-Jul-15 13:13:52

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Strawberrybubblegum Sun 26-Jul-15 07:24:29

That does sound tough, a shame you didn't get to cuddle your niece.

I think to a certain extent it's normal at this age, although with a wide range of intensity depending on the child's temperament. If he follows the pattern I've seen, it should start getting better in about 6 months.

DD is 2.5 and we have lots of friends the same age. There was a new baby in the group about a year ago, and quite a few of the toddlers would get upset when their mum lent a hand holding the baby. It became a chain reaction, where the next mum would cuddle the crying toddler, then her own toddler would start crying!

Recently, some more babies have been born, and now the older children all seem fine about their mums giving cuddles. It does obviously still have an impact on them, since last time we went to visit those friends, on the way there DD commented that 'mummy will cuddle the baby' looking very serious and a bit sad. She was absolutely fine when we were there though.

I do make sure I include DD, have her close and talk to her about the baby while I'm holding it. But I think what's made the difference is just her being older - with that bit more understanding and independence.

One thing that I did find helped, even when she was younger, was to always tell her very explicitly who the baby's mummy is (ie I would say 'xyz is the baby's mummy' rather than 'baby is xyz's) as early as possible. It seemed to reassure her that the baby did have a different mummy, and I would be giving it back!

Strawberrybubblegum Sun 26-Jul-15 07:34:41

Sorry if you've already tried this, but you could also try explaining his emotions to him. E.g.'You're cross. You don't like mummy holding the baby. You want mummy only to hold you. That's ok, but you must still be gentle with the baby. His mummy is Auntie A. I love Auntie A, and I want to see her baby. '

It can calm them to feel you understand. He might still be a touch young, but it's worth trying.

chickenfuckingpox Sun 26-Jul-15 07:44:27

my two year old kicks the crap out of his older brother if he sits by me screaming MINE MINE!!! they then get to sit either side of me but the two year old still leans around me to swat him from time to time i just remove him from the sofa and tell him no he gets it in the end he can sit by mom if he keeps his hands to himself!

Mehitabel6 Sun 26-Jul-15 07:46:29

Is he used to always having you to himself? Does he spend time with others like father and grandparents - or baby sitters - where you go out?

DoreenLethal Sun 26-Jul-15 07:46:36

What do you do when he hits or tries to hit the other child? Does he then get all the attention and fuss?

Scoobydoo8 Sun 26-Jul-15 07:52:31

Probably just a phase. He will soon be speaking enough for you to explain things and discuss it (after a fashion). Has anything happened in the home to upset him - couldn't he find you one day, or were you away overnight and he didn't understand, some little thing. Then if you figure that out you can give reassurance.

Booboostwo Sun 26-Jul-15 08:23:13

DD was like that at that age, she wouldn't even let me cuddle with DH, but grew out of it. She is now (4yo) amazingly loving and kind to her 10mo brother and has no problem understanding that the baby needs me.

Bellebella Sun 26-Jul-15 13:50:11

Thank you for all the ideas. He does not get a fuss when he tries to hit. He gets told that we should not hit and then he is sat down for a while to calm down.

He does get himself very worked up around over children. Even if we pass a child and ds is in the buggy, he will still try and hit them.

I do think he gets too much of our attention so that he is really used to it. He is left a couple of times if I have a hospital appointment or something but the majority of time it's just me and him.

wtftodo Tue 28-Jul-15 22:30:27

my dd is 2 late September and sounds v similar. she is in nursery 3 days a week so I don't think.it's because you're a sahm! just v vocal toddlers I guess.

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