When do children stop being destructive?

[GrouchyKiwi]

So far today, DD1 (3) has pulled a plant out of the garden (she does this most days), drawn on the coffee table, thrown my knitting about, and taken all of the photos out of a photo album.

She regularly pulls pages out of books, rips up CD inserts, draws on the carpet, etc.

We're in a new house, and have a lot of new furniture. Things don't look so new anymore.

Is this typical for her age? What age should I put her in hibernation till?

[Eva50]

Well ds1 (19) still wrote on walls/furniture, cut bits out of things, ie his school sweatshirt, chiseled a bit out of the garage door, checked to see what the beans inside the bean bag looked like, removed the bottom item from the stack in the supermarket, (you get the drift) until he was at least 9 or 10. Although you'll be pleased to hear that it definitely improved after he was about 5. His first year of school was somewhat challenging for us the teacher. Ds2 and ds3 would never have dreamt of doing any of these things even as toddlers.

I now look after dgs (3), my dsd's little boy, one day a week and he's exactly like ds1. I can't take my eyes of him for a second as the house is not geared up for a toddler these days (my youngest is 9). There's not a day he's here that passes without something being destroyed so you have my sympathy.

[GrouchyKiwi]

Well, that's depressing.

I'm going to paint everything black so I don't see the stains.

[meglet]

dd still has her moments at 6.

[Artandco]

Sorry, neither of mine would dream of doing any of that.

Does she have consequences from that behaviour?
Personally I wouldn't let her look and books or photo albums alone if she rips them, only sitting down with an adult. Move all pens/ crayons out of reach, she only gets them when sitting down nicely at dining table with paper.

[BrianButterfield]

I've got to say DS does his fair share of destruction but he wouldn't do those things. He's certainly not a meek and mild child but he has drawn on the walls ONCE and once only. He does like to rip amd cut things but I give him paper he can use for that and he's pretty good at sticking to that. He would never throw my things around or destroy stuff on purpose - the chair he likes to sit on is pretty wrecked but that's messiness with food/drink rather than anything else.

I do make sure has stuff he CAN rip, screw up, take apart etc though. The boundaries are firmly set about what he can and can't mess with. Not to say he doesn't forget at times and start to fiddle (he licked the TV screen the other day...) but he can and does listen to the rules.

[GrouchyKiwi]

She definitely has consequences, and pens etc are kept away except when we use them together. But she found one that was missed from being put away yesterday, and today was the first time I let her have the photo album to look at.

I am wondering if it's attention seeking. As I said, we've recently moved to a new house and I've been busy getting things put away, trying to get into a cleaning routine for a bigger house (flat to detached house!) and dealing with a teething baby too.

[ForgotThatIWasFine]

Sounds like attention seeking, could she be feeling unsettled with house move and new(ish) sibling?

How old is she exactly? Just turned 3 or closer to 4? Just asking because I work with 3 and four year olds, younger ones often do things that seem destructive to an adult but to the child it's just an exploration of something new/interesting.

[Floralnomad]

My cousin used to take things to bits he didn't grow out of it until he was in his teens - we all thought he was over indulged and not disciplined well enough. At 8/9 he used to undo the screws on hinges on doors ( on sideboards etc) so the door would fall off when you went to open it . Fortunately my dc were never the draw on walls type .

[GrouchyKiwi]

She's 3 and 5 months.

She did draw on the walls and heaters with crayons once at our old house. We cleaned it together (she thought that was an adventure) and she didn't do it again. But she has drawn on the carpet with wet chalk a couple of times (chalk now binned) and found things to drawn on the walls with as well.

Thinking about it, she's defiant about the consequence as well. For example, when she drew on the table today I turned off the film she was watching at the time, and she just shrugged and went off to do something else. The only thing that upset her was having to come inside after uprooting the plant, but I don't want to keep her indoors all the time either.

[Wolfiefan]

Aren't you out with her?
Choose a consequence that does have an effect.
Destructiveness stops when you don't let it continue.

[GrouchyKiwi]

Not always. She can now open the doors by herself and our garden is completely enclosed.