Angry hyper attention seeking 7yr old(13 Posts)
So basically my 7 year old is fairly hyped most of the time, and seeks out negative attention. Iv had alot of help tackeling this as I know it's because of us he is like this.
I'm looking for tactics to help avoid upsetting him and triggering the anger and frustration. I'm told to ignore the 'bad' behaviour.. unless of course it's unsafe of harming another person. If he is chucking cushions of the sofa and all the back ones too...and jumping over the back of the sofa etc..going bonkers basically...how do I ignore this? It's not ok in our house to do this...yet my boy will always go for it anyway. Hense...negative attention.. I want him not to do it..and he knows already he isn't allowed to take cushions of and roll over the sofa. When challanged he will ignore me completely, he will carry on. I will take a cushion of him..he will grab another or suddenly fight me for the cushion and become frustrated. He may then get angrier if I carry on asking him to stop..ending in a big hissy fit where he ends up kicking stuff and throwing things.. recently he pretended to hit his 2yr old sister in a tantrum after she broke his marble run. Shocking behaviours..any ideas.. I understand fully about possitive praise wherever possible etc....and ignore the bad... How can I deal with these situations positively?.
He has pocket money every week..we take the odd 10p off as a consequence sometimes. Or even 15mins of Xbox.. or only half a film he really wants to watch... With promice he can watch the rest tomorrow....
Any help and ideas and tactics even experiences grateful. I just want a happy little boy xx
He is a bit crazy at school also...but has got better with the constant routine and consistant concequences.
I previously took Xbox for a day...tv after school...etc but for the rest of that day... Family support worker we are now seeing... Has suggested my boy needs more oppertunity for praise...and less harsh concequences...as he thrives from the negative more...if we take Xbox for a day...then tv too..there's nothing left to take away.
I did the pocket money thing and 15 mins of Xbox this week already and he responded to this...so guess it does work...as when I threatened another 10p going...he got upset and stopped doing what he was doing..however I can't keep using the same thing.. I need ways of talking him round..or calming his crazy a bit when it's in a unacceptable moment....
Tricky one – ignoring really works best if he is chucking the cushions purely to get attention. But if he is chucking the cushions because he enjoys chucking things or because he’s bored and has too much spare energy, then also try to keep him busy and get him outside and active and in places where he can chuck things as much as possible.
And also, ignoring bad behaviour only works if he is getting plenty of friendly attention when he is not doing anything too bad – when he is being good, or just being ordinary and calm. It can be difficult when you’re trying to care for a baby at the same time though. My DS is an only so I haven’t had to do this, but I went to parenting class a while ago where they told us about “sidestream attention” and how to share attention between children. Maybe look that up?
And finally – one thing that sounds completely batshit crazy but it worked a treat for my DS (who had some issues and could be very challenging at times). Instead of getting cross about the sofa-cushion chucking, try this: “OK, three more chucks and then we’ll put all the cushions away. Three – whoa, what a big chuck! Right across the room – two – one – and that’s that." Then "Put that cushion here" (repeat this instruction in a boring voice while he chucks a couple more until he finally puts a cushion back!) |"… great.. and this one here.. and that one. Oh, that one is perfectly in place, I’ll line up all the others to match. That looks great, well done! Now let’s get the Lego out.” So the biggest praise and fuss are coming for doing what he’s told and putting the cushions away.
That sounds helpful...he is doing it out of fun! Boredom...and coz he likes to make a bed/tent...which is ok...in his room!... Summer holidays here in UK now...so I'm going to get on it! Lossitive praise even when he's doing nothing...calm approach to situations like the sofa...
Any ideas on how to tackle teeth brushing?? He jumps about makes a million excuses..I need the loo..I want a drink first..I need to look for bed time teddy etc..he brushes sometimes or we do it for him...but he hates it...and his behaviour becomes very difficult...tonight for example her tried to hit me! this is new extreme behaviour as of this week...alot going on, end of school, future activities...no school for 7 weeks..he gets excited and over whelmed..but teeth brushing really is a problem...he had 10 teeth removed recently 2 adult molars! He only has about 8 adult teeth at moment...and no baby ones...he didn't learn and still makes brushing a traumatic stressful experience! Confused much
Ignoring bad behaviour only works if delivered hand in hand with acknowledging good behaviour. Certainly at first - any good behaviour, and it also needs distraction.
Starts throwing cushions off the sofa - Distract into making a fort or a den. Praising lots when he puts them back onto the sofa at the end. Make a game of it - can you put your cushions back before I put mine? Let him win and praise him when he does it.
Why not have a bed time plan on the wall. Which has step by step what will happen at bedtime. Praise each time he does it - lots of praise if he remembers each step. It won't happen all at once, but over time it may improve.
Do you have a dentist? Our dentist offers hygiene lessons for the kids - shows them how to brush. Reward chart- he's still young enough.
With behaviour like this its going to be small steps over time to get things moving again, but it is possible.
DS = "Dear Son". Or Darned Son, or whatever you like
Agree with professional advice, your ds may have asd/ PDA/ ADHD. Or he may not have any additional needs but definitely worth an assessment so you know the best way to support him.
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Sounds like there could be sensory issues going on too. And what AndNow said. My 10 yr old has PDA (a form of ASD) and shows similar behaviour, but he also has sensory processing disorder, which explains a lot of his wild behaviour, he leaps around and chucks cushions about regularly.
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene is excellent for children like this.
Also have a look for the pda resource, it has links to very useful strategies.
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