Help - 2 year old won't leave newborn alone

[Dappy28]

DD1 is 23 months. DD2 is 12 days old. DD1 is constantly fussing over, poking, prodding, kissing, cuddling her new baby sister. As cute as this is, DD2 is constantly being woken up. Any attempts for me to tell DD1 not to touch DD2 when she's in the Moses basket is met with screams of no and almighty tantrums. I know that gaining a new sister is a big change for her but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how you dealt with it?

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Can you pop DD2 into an adjacent room for napping? I know it's a bit scary when they're not right by you but might help DD1 not to poke her....or is it when the baby is asleep on you?

[Dappy28]

It's when she's asleep on me, when I'm feeding, changing her nappy. She's just totally obsessed with her at the moment. Hopefully the novelty will ware off. DH has had to go back to work already and has been sent to with 300 miles away this week so handling them both on my own is probably addubgtystress levels.

[Newtobecomingamum]

Could you get your DD1 her own baby dolly? This way you could keep her distracted with taking care of her baby 'sleeping, changing, feeding and playing etc'?

[plantsitter]

It is tricky. I think you have to comment on the way the 2 yr old is touching the baby- eg 'yes that's right, stroke her gently,' and show her what to do (rather than telling her not to touch), and then distract her with something you and she can do together to get her away. I think it's really important at this stage not to tell her to stay away from the baby - as you say this obsessed stage will wear off a bit soon.

Exhausting, though. Good luck.

[VeryPunny]

We had a 19 month age gap. It's why Cbeebies was invented, tbh.

[VeryPunny]

Everyone said, keep a bag of special toys or books to read with DC1 whilst you feed DC2. Ha. Utterly useless advice. DS napped in the sling until about 5 months as otherwise DD would poke and prod him.

[HelenaJustina]

The novelty will wear off, I promise! But in the meantime, I think it is really important not to make the baby forbidden fruit. Say yes to every cuddle request, refer to the baby as DD's, give her possession and a sense of responsibility, she is not too young.

I did this with my 3 subsequent DC after DC1, biggest age gap was 24 months so I have been exactly where you are! Even if the toddler wanted to cuddle for 30 seconds 3 times an hour, I said yes everytime if humanly possible! 'Yes of course you can cuddle your baby, here you are'...

Put the baby higher up in the Moses basket if safe but watch that toddler doesn't try climbing up to get to her. And even though you feel like collapsing when DC2 sleeps, use the time to reinforce the fun things DD1 can do when you have both hands free. 'Phew your baby is sleeping, let's do a jigsaw/make a cake/do colouring, poor baby she is too little to do that'

I always said I would rather my older ones were possessive than jealous but it isn't without its hard bits too!

[DayLillie]

We used to have a drink and a biscuit and watch television together at feeding time, with twins. Mid morning and mid afternoon. Not sure what we did the rest of the time though

[FuckyNell]

Helena you sound like a saint

[Dappy28]

Thanks for your suggestions

[backinaminute]

We had a playpen and joked that DS2 spent the first few months of his life watching the world through bars. He would sit in his bouncy chair in the playpen. It was purely so I could leave the room for two seconds.

Totally agree that it's the reason CBeebies was invented. 20 month gap here.

Congratulations by the way

[willbillycome]

When does the novelty wear off helena? Theres 25 months between mine, and dc1 is still as in love/overly affectionate towards dc2 11 months on. Dc2 seems to love it tho, I guess if you're poked and prodded from day 1 it's what you're used to?
For naps we had cot set up on our landing, but had to get dc1 a step so she could peek every 30 secs.
Also every toy dc1 loved like bouncy chair, door bouncer, baby walker became more like a torture/extreme baby sport device as dc2 was pushed and catapulted around-again dc2 seemed to love it.
I'd suggest trying to get her involved in other ways-fetching nappies, helping sort clean washing, cleaning bottles in a basin on floor, making 'happy snooze' cards for when baby wakes up and of course watching cbeebies to pick out what babys favourite programme will be!

[Dappy28]

Sone really good ideas thanks!

[HelenaJustina]

Sometimes it never does and you end up with a child like DC2 who has almost no sense of boundaries as hers have been violated so much from so young!
But DC3 used to cry when people looked in the pram at DC4 and scream 'no looking, my baby' which was embarrassing a tad tricky, but that only took 12 weeks or so to wear off!
Not at all a saint FuckyNell but thank you! That made me smile just before bathing and bedding all 4, which I will now do with a cherubic expression throughout!

[sidonie1]

I used a playpen with cat net over the top (after a flying wooden ambulance incident) for newborn twins and 20 month toddler. He tried smothering one of the twins with a cushion (proper lying on a cushion over his head) when he was three months and my back was turned to make feeds for two minutes. Scary and sobering and after that I took no chances until they could move and fight for themselves a little.