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social skills for a 3 year old

(3 Posts)
maskingtherealme Sat 04-Jul-15 21:11:33

My 3 year old son has developed an obsession with cleaning his hands. We have had to remove the stools from reach because he will go to a sink several times an hour to rinse his hands. He has always had an obsessive streak regarding cleaning since before he could walk! He loves to clean, sweep, vacuum - anything to do with cleaning (I know! I should feel blessed to have a DS who cleans!) But I am becoming concerned by this as there are 'other' issues present in my 3 yr old.

1. He is 'over-sensitive: He will cry at the slightest thing. Last week he became tearful because some boys were not using the slide properly at playgroup. The were jumping from it. He is always moaning and groaning about other children - such as a child going to fight him (they were role-playing?!?!?!?), a friend playing rough and tumble and he becomes a teary mess at the slightest push, always carrying his bear wherever he goes and will cry if he can't lay his hands on him straight away. He even cried when Iggle Piggle got dirty in 'In the Night Garden' and the Greendale Rocket ended up being a runaway train in 'Postman Pat'! he won't even leave me alone! I can't go into another room or to the bin without him following. he often screams and cries for me when he sees me going upstairs for a shower! He will stay quite happily with his maternal grandma (she looked after him for two days a week in our home) but not his paternal grandma (she lives with us) and sometimes he will stay with his dad, but nobody else.

2. Social skills: Won't join in singing or social games. He sits with a sad, glum, miserable face. He will play with other children on a 1:1 but then he does go off on his own a lot, mainly plays on his own and will often 'follow' other groups of children as a 'tagger-on'. He says hello to friends from nursery but often puts a silly nickname such as 'pooeyhead' on the end (he is trying to be funny/playful) and the other children just stare at him in astonishment/shock/bewilderment! A trip to the beach with five other children (I was asked last minute - after thought I guess!) and he played mainly on his own alongside the others. The others all invite each other for tea etc and trust each other to look after their children but my son is never asked for tea or play-dates and I am never asked to look after kids YET I 'care' for children as part of my job!?!?!?

3 Nursery: When we go to nursery, every other child seems to have a BFF, which I know can change at nursery level daily, but my son does not. The other children arrive, greet each other enthusiastically play/engage in horse-play all the while my son will stand and watch and nobody greets him (I am worrying he will be Billy no-mates!). He goes into nursery fine and goes straight to an activity set up on the table. But on asking what he has done he ALWAYS tells me something that someone else has done wrong, or that nobody would play with him/let him in the role play area/be his best friend etc. I have asked nursery who assure me he and the others all play nicely. He had a school event on the other day and he lasted 12 minutes! He cried the whole time, didn't want me to leave him yet I was not allowed to be with him (I had to go to a separate part of the building) and vice versa. I sat with him in a communal area but we were moved along as they needed the area for other things so had no choice to take him ack DESPITE me perservering to build up his confidence to go to the event, especially as his nursery nurse was there to hold his hand.

On reading back, it all sounds very trivial but I also have social skill problems (I make friends but then feel abandoned by them for other people after a short while and cannot manage large social circles confidently so end up 'on the outside' of social circles) and I don't want him to be in the same position as I feel I am in.

So is this a 'normal' 3 year old or does there sound like he has 'issues'?

I know I have - my worries about his social standing and acceptance by others!

starpatch Wed 08-Jul-15 14:42:01

Hi there, yours is a long e-mail another single mum by any chance? I know things can go round and round in my head when I don't have the chance to share them. A lot of what you said does sound totally normal to me eg the not staying in school long and having to leave and the nursery say he is playing with other children okay. (My son is totally the opposite with mess but that is another story!) But why not get some advice I saw the childrens psychology service recently for my sons behaviour and they were very approachable not intimidating or formal, your GP could refer him or they may take parent referrals.

SproutsMa Sun 12-Jul-15 11:53:30

Some of the things you have mentioned were the red flags for my son's asd. If you are worried you should speak to your hv x

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