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Can't cope with any more tantrums

(6 Posts)
YourDaughterHasaTattoo Sat 04-Jul-15 20:36:28

DD (20 mo) seems to be in a constant tantrum. It feels like she has spent two thirds of today crying and "paddying" (if that's a word?!) over something (doesn't help that DH is working all wkend so I'm sole carer until Monday morning). I don't remember her brother (4 yo) ever being like this. She is doing my head in!

Bed times are a nightmare. We've dropped her daytime nap as she just wasn't sleeping at night with it (crying or just up playing with her teddies for 2+ hrs), then she was a menace all day as she was tired. She was a pain to get to have a nap anyway, so it's a bit of a blessing to just forget it. I'm still bfing in the evening. She drifts in and out for the 10 mins I feed her, but as soon as I put her in her cot she loses it and screams and screams. Nothing then works (even picking her up and giving her a cuddle), nothing makes her stop, until I tell her enough is enough (generally firmly - I don't yell at her though) or until she gives in. I normally stay during this process or keep coming back in every 2-3 mins.

I feel like the world's worst mum. God knows what the neighbours think of me; all she ever seems to do is scream. I try distracting her, going out, playing, all the usual. I'm at the end of my tether and I'm starting to lose it and I've shouted at her a couple of times, I'm short tempered with my son and he has done nothing wrong, all of which makes me feel even worse.

I honestly don't know what t do. I love her so much, but I'm starting to regret having her and I hate myself for that.

Chickz Sat 04-Jul-15 21:00:06

I'm watching as I have a tantrummy toddler too.
Would be great if there was some miracle advice.
I leave the room if my dd tantrums. At least it saves my ears.
And I try to give as much praise for good behaviour as possible.
I hope someone comes along with advice for your bed time.
And I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

YourDaughterHasaTattoo Sat 04-Jul-15 22:29:58

Thanks Chickz; sometimes it's nice to hear you're not alone!
If I try to leave her she just follows me, or screams louder and longer! It takes more to calm her down then too sad
Praise is a big thing here; it works wonders with my DS so we've kind of just extended it to DD since she arrived. She doesn't thrive on it like he does, but then she's a lot younger and hasn't really got to that stage yet.
I've spent most of this evening sobbing into my wine about how terrible a mother I am. Tomorrow will be much less about self pity and wallowing if not less about the tantrums! grin
Hope you get the advice you need too

sanam2010 Sat 04-Jul-15 22:49:31

it sounds like she is just overtired. Just try to stay calm and relaxed and friendly (I know that's hard). If you feed her to sleep, it might be worth waiting twenty minutes or so before you put her down so she is in actual deep sleep, rather than putting her down when she just fell asleep. The waking up screaming is very common if they skipped their naps, as they are overtired and the brain chemistry goes crazy. My toddler did this when we started cutting out the nap, but it subsided after a month or so.

I think a more positive way of looking at the behaviour, instead of saying she is throwing tantrums all the time, is to acknowledge that she is very tired and still needs to learn to calm herself down, she needs your help, so sometimes a quiet environment, more cuddles and bedtime stories etc. can work wonders. Make sure not to escalate by shouting / punishing etc, as this just makes the tantrums worse and doesn't help them calm down or self-soothe.

NessaWH123 Sat 04-Jul-15 22:57:41

My 2 year old has usually 2/3 weeks of constant awful tantums followed by a couple of better weeks before it starts again !! He is sooo strong willed and loud! U r not alone. Ive just tried t b consistant and put him on the time out step everytime with a firm no and that is helping at the mo bur he is always testing the boundries, hang in there it will get better x

LostMySocks Sat 04-Jul-15 23:05:50

My DS is 20months and also has lots of tantrums. Mostly around frustration that things aren't quite right. Tonight it was because He hadn't helped put the lid on his mug of milk. This morning because one toy physically wouldn't fit in another. Once I've figured out the problem I can sometimes help or sometimes just say no (playing in the garden at bedtime). He's worse when he is tired. It's exhausting but I recommend trying to see the funny side as toddler logic is a bit warped. Have you tried asking your little one to show you what she wants. If you can work it out that might help a bit?
DS has also started getting upset at bedtime. I think he might be scared or have separation anxiety so I've started telling him I'll stay til he's asleep and just sit with my phone. He still messes about but settles quicker (he used to self settle fine)
It's one of those just a phase thing.

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