DD not found her "thing"(34 Posts)
My daughter is 10 and hasn't yet found her thing. What I mean by that is she hasn't found something that she either really enjoys or excells at. She has tried music lessons, dancing in different forms, sports , brownies etc. None of these have really excited her or gripped her. Some she has continued with purely as we have continued to take her others she has asked to stop.
She isn't in the top levels at school for any subject but she doesn't know that (or doesn't seem too bothered if she does) and I always try and boost her confidence with work and results etc.
She does go to ballet and seems to like it but isn't mad keen . She has started netball but is very aware that she is not as good as some of the others.
She has a lot of friends and has never had the usual girl issues or rows. She is popular and friendly. She is kind hearted and very well behaved . She tries really hard at school and with her homework .
I tell her all the time what a lovely girl she is and how well she is doing .
I am wondering if I should keep trying her with new things or accept that she will never have a "thing ".
I didn't I guess and I turned out ok ! I was never on a team for anything and an average student. Maybe that's why I'm thinking these things about her ?
Anyway waffle over ! Thanks for your thoughts .
"She has started netball but is very aware that she is not as good as some of the others. " - but that might change with practise, e.g just get outside a couple of times a week and practise passing or shooting goals, some might naturally pick it up quicker than others but most things take time and effort.
I've never found my thing and I'm in my 30's, I guess some people just don't.
She sounds lovely though and maybe she'll stumble across her thing in years to come!!
Or what about science / programming / chess / fiction writing?
Not sure I ever had a thing either! I did ballet but wasn't amazing it it. Played football but was frankly crap. I enjoyed them both though. Played piano, I was mediocre. I was academic but not genius. Vaguely good at art but would never have made a living out of it. Didn't stop me going to uni, getting a law degree and then a place on a fairly prestigious grad scheme (10,000 applicants for 100 places).
She really enjoys drawing and is good at that. Unfortunately that wasn't mentioned in her recent school report. I would have liked it to have been recognised.
She has played chess a bit but didn't want to go to chess club at school.
She would love horse riding or gymnastics but now I've just paid for netball we couldn't afford a new club at the moment .
When she starts secondary school she will have access to lots of free after school clubs. Maybe she will love one of those.
Thanks timeforacheckup she is a truly lovely girl.
grotbag - wow well done to you !
She'll do great . A lot of people don't have one particular thing they excel at. As long as she is happy and tries different things she'll make her way in the world! 10 is still so young.
You just described her thing - she is friendly and kindhearted. Your thing doesn't have to be a hobby, it can be a way of being. She will build a great social circle, helping people on the way and find her place in life by virtue of her character, rather than an activity.
She doesn't have to have a thing! If she's happy being an all rounder; leave her alone...
She sounds like me, her thing is actually being quite good at a lot of things. It's a strength, honestly
Has she told you that she's actively trying to find her "thing" ? 10 is young anyway, it's quite normal to change your mind about your thing after that age anyway. I was into ballet in a big way when I was 10 but changed abruptly at 14 when boys and the Beatles came on the scene. Since then I've liked lots of different things and I don't feel deprived
took me until I was 30...my 'thing' was not offered at school. And team sport is much over-rated, it is often anything but.
if she is learning and making satisfactory academic progress, that is all that matters. Not everyone can be top.
The only issue is whether or not you find something she likes.
There is a sort of subtext that she should find something and excel at it.
Sometimes the way you find something that matters to you is by committing to it and enjoying the rewards of all those months/year of practice.
You might be confusing wanting her to love something and have a gift for it with letting her discover the joy of doing well because you have trained and earnt it. .
Re the art. I have always known dd2 is really good at art but it was never picked up at primary. It bothered me a bit as like your dd she is happy to fit in and doesn't necessarily need to seek to be the best. The first parents' evening she had at secondary I had the art and graphics teachers telling me how amazing her art is. I think the priorities for primary teachers are so focused on the 3 rs at the moment that these sort of skills don't get thought about much formally.
Sounds like your happy all rounder will thrive once she goes to secondary just as mine has. Encourage her to try out as many of the free clubs as she is interested in. They are great for building confidence and friendships.
Mine only do horse riding at their Grannie's as for me it is too expensive money and time wise. Despite this they are actually pretty competent after a summer week mucking out at the stables and getting to know the animals. My local gymnastics club also do open summer camps which worked out good value for me to keep them busy during the holidays.
I think it is very hard to resist the pressure to push our dcs into every opportunity and skill set these days but mine are thriving on having always had a bit more freedom with their spare time than many.
You say she loves drawing and is good at it, just because its not commented on by school does not mean it's not her 'thing'.
Thanks for your replies
I am replying on my phone and can't see who's written what so apologies for not mentioning names.
Yes she is good at drawing and likes it but again it's just something she does every now and again.
I agree with you that maybe in Secondary school she will be able to develop her drawing there .
I understand the point about her growing to love something by hard work and years of practice . I thought this would happen with her musical. instrument but after 19 months of lessons she suddenly decided she wanted to stop. Was very strong in her decision. It was totally her decision to start playing which we encouraged.
I also know that she may never ever find "her thing " and no she hasn't said herself that she wants to but I just feel from some things she says, that it would be nice for her.
She isn't an overly confident person in her actions /mannerisms or her own ability and I just thought if she found something that she really enjoyed and loved or was really good at it may help her confidence.
pagwatch - I'd love her to find something she loves - whether she is brill at it or not. That's the thing she hasn't seemed to discover something that she truly loves doing . You know how some children are pony mad or super keen on swimming or really into reading . etc. Saying that her reading has becoming more of a hobby since I got a paperwhite Kindle. She loves it .
Jontydongle that was lovely to read thank you
camelhump - she is brilliant with her cousins and little brother. Plays with them beautifully.
I'm just saying that the love sometimes follows the 'doing'
Dd is a regional swimmer. She started swimming because she had asthma.
She did it for probably two years before she loved it.
For most of that first two years it meant little to her.
What she now loves is seeing the results of her training. She has grown to love it over time.
And people say to me 'god she's so lucky. She loves swimming and she's so talented'
She is not lucky. She loves it because she's good at it. She's good at it because she gets up at ungodly hours and trains for 10 hours a week.
It's not luck.
Dd (nearly 11) just found hers. My quiet softly spoken dd fell in love with kick boxing. She tried as I do it and was surprised as anyone.
However loving something and being good at it do not have to be exclusive. She doesn't have to be as good as the other girls at netball to enjoy it. It she can only enjoy something when she is the best at it, it will be a long road. Although she doesn't come across like that.
Ds is naturally sporty, so we are lucky there.
I found my thing at 29....lifting weights andorw recently knife throwing. Can't imagine mum thinking of those hobbies for me back in the 80s.
Don't worry about it too much and yes secondary will open up different things for her to try
Soz. I've been at a gala today and had a couple of 'but of course your dd is lucky to be talented' comments. She works fucking hard.
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