Letting "rebel" DD aged 11 be herself in terms of fashion?

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

DD has always been quirky. She's very creative and though that might sound a bit pretentious, she really is. She loves clothing and always has...often makes bits to wear...tops and so on...or customises other things...but she makes a concerted effort to be like nobody else in terms of outfits.

I worry that she'll be bullied because of it...I'm not talking Emo styles or anything so acceptable...but wearing just "odd" outfits...mismatched clothing...high pigtails with lace from the Haberdashers tied in them...a Tinkerbell backpack when all her friends are trying their best to look grown up and carry "ladies bags" and follow teen fashions.

I worry...I find myself saying "do you think that it's a bit too much to wear three bows in your hair today? Maybe one will be better?"

And yet then I feel bad for quashing her....she'll literally wear 3 bows...one massive one...and some odd assortment of clothing...and a handbag or her Tinkerbell backpack....odd socks and weird shoes...she saves up and buys her own choices....or DH lets her pick strange stuff when he goes out with her

If she were 17 and lived in London it would be perfectly acceptable I'm sure...but she's just turned 11 and lives in a suburban town in the NW!

[FieldTrip]

If she is teased and it bothers her she'll stop.

Far better to have the confidence to do your own thing regardless of what others think. An endless quest to fit in, which no-one ever feels they've truly achieved, leads to misery and (financial hardship!).

[FirenzeRoma]

She sounds really cool

[Blowingoffsteam]

Let her be herself - my dd was/is like this and at 16 now has a fantastic sense of self and knows that she doesn't have to follow the crowd.

[slippermaiden]

Let her be herself. I hate all the girls looking the same like their mothers, nails done, hair immaculate, hand bags etc. and don't get me started on students....they don't look like students anymore!

[ouryve]

Leave her to it. 11 year olds are remarkably sensitive to the comments of their peers and if they bothered her, she wouldn't do it. It's possible that she surrounds herself with friends who admire her individuality, even if it's not a choice they'd make.

[Lweji]

I suspect she will be a trend setter. :)

And move to London when she's 18.

You should be glad that she doesn't want to follow teen fashion at 11!

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

My Mum says the same....leave her alone. I remember my Mum let me wear what I wanted and I can't believe I want to control DD so much...it's like a compulsion. She's really pretty and I want her to look lovely....MY idea of lovely

[Orangeanddemons]

I hope my dd is like this. I teach fashion, I love quirkiness. It shows originality.

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Lweji I don't mean sky high heels or anything by teen fashion but just labels and all that. Lots of her mates wear things which older girls wear...

[Lweji]

But I get you.

I have a boy who wants to wear green shorts and red or orange t-shirts. With the brightest shoes he can find in the sports shop.

Sigh!

[NinjaLeprechaun]

I have one of those.

When my daughter was that age she declared herself half-elf and would wear a cloak. If other kids made fun of her, I never heard about it. She probably just laughed at them. Silly mortals.

When she was about 16 I walked into the supermarket several feet behind her (I'd stopped to get a cart) and a random stranger commented that "teenagers are weird," not knowing that we were together. I just shrugged and said "they're weirder when they're yours."
She was, at the time, wearing knee high boots, a tan trench coat and a flat cap, with goggles as sunglasses. She looked as if she'd just stepped out of her Edwardian Time Travelling Contraption.

She's kind of awesome, but I'm far more self conscious than she is and sometimes have had to practice feeling comfortable with people giving us her strange looks.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

*Should clarify; the boots were Docs, not 'fashion boots'.

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Oh Ninja that outfit description made me And I forget that as a 17 year old I wore victorian bloomers! They were under my vintage Laura Ashley frocks though...at least nobody SAW them!

[lljkk]

I bet she'll find her own tribe who value her individuality. Just work on keeping her self-esteem high regardless of any prats she may ever encounter.

[ramonaquimby]

She sounds great! Full of confidence which doesn't come easy when you're that age growing up in 2015

But about those other girls who are following fashion or are looking like their mums etc dont be too hard on them either. I heve one of those. She suffers from v low self esteem and confidence. Dressing like others around her and following the crowd works for her. What's the problem? These kids are just doing their best too to grow up and fit in to this crazy world of ours. Why judge these girls for their appearance?

[Nevergoingtolearn]

My dd is the same age, not really into fashion as such, she's a Tom boy and likes to wear boys clothes ( boys trousers, minecraft t shirt ), most of the girls her age seem to be wearing girly cloths and carrying a handbag. I'm quite pleased dd is not like this, I think most girls these days look awful, some even look tarty and too grown up. I think it's much better to have your own style, I'm sure she won't get picked on, people may make comments but she will probably be able to handle it.

[ChippyMinton]

Let her be!
My DD does her own thing, not as extreme but stuff like e.g. her outfit for the leavers party is a prom dress with hi-tops and a biker jacket where others will be in skimpy bits and heels and make up.

[downgraded]

She sounds amazing!

I'm desperate for DD to be quirky but at the moment she's into pink sparkles and princesses. Sigh.

[Takver]

It could get worse, my 13 year old spent several months wearing a pink and black stripey tail everywhere except to school . . . Come to think of it, she did wear it to school on non-uniform day. (She said most people didn't notice, some people thought it was cool.)

It was kind of stressful when we went to London though, I was convinced it was going to get caught in the escalators on the tube!

[cailindana]

I don't think it's really a case of "letting" her is it? I mean, what are you going to do, stop her going out the door? Surely one of the best things about being a parent is finding out who your child is - it's absolutely none of your business what she wants to wear and it would be wrong of you to make her feel self conscious or to try to turn her into the person you want her to be. Time to start letting go.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

Takver my daughter doesn't just wear a tail, she also wears ears. She also has a fox tattoo on her shoulder. There may be a theme.

[WaferInMyCoffee]

I was that 11yr old ;) and my mum let me get on with it. It was only in adulthood that I learned how she was constantly having to defend me and her to everyone, lots of "I'd never let my daughter out like that", she said her favourite was when I deliberatley wore odd shoes to church she said when people made comments she just shrugged and said "at least she is here" yay mum :)

Please let her be her. I've always been odd, and not necessarily always felt it was in a good way and I often feel I don't fit in but knowing my parents accepted me for me was a good feeling. I'm not saying your daughter is "odd" or its bad or anything just telling you my personal experience.

Your daughter sounds awesome. I wore three bows in my hair the other day. They were all the same size, admittedly :)

[silverstar1]

I would let her wear what she wants, I think it is brilliant that she has the confidence to feel comfortbale in what she wants to wear and not follow the crowd

[lilacblossomtime]

Well I think a bit of a balanced approach, talk to her about fitting in with friends. Make sure she understands the position. But make sure you let her know you support her quirkiness and like her style. Talk about how you feel about style and fashion and fitting in socially. Maybe a relevant book or film will be helpful.