Change in 2.3 yr sleep, I'm not dealing with it well

[talulahbeige]

I have a very very active 2.3 year old. She's a never stay still type.

Until recently she's been a great sleeper, asleep from 6pm until 6.30am, no nap for 6mths but that was ok as night times were good. Since April it's been a nightmare, we went on a long haul holiday staying in lots of different places and then within a week of being back she was ill for a week with vomiting which really took it out if her, since then it's gone even further downhill.

She can be yawning her head off, asking for bed etc but as soon as I put her to bed she's getting up ( climbing over stair gate, I've caught her climbing her wardrobe a couple of times too!) I put her back to bed and all that and eventually she will decide to just turn over and sleep.
She often wakes during the night, no regular time, usually she will go back to sleep but 1/10 she will not go back to sleep, this has been as early as 3.30am. Whatever happens she will be up at 5.30.
We have a black out blind and black out curtains, it's pitch black in her room but she has a night light,
I learnt very early on that sleep is key to me being a good mum, I can't cope with out (I'm still struggling with PND) and I'm not the mum I want to be to her. I'm shouty grumpy mum. This isn't fair on her at all and I hate it but at the moment I don't want her.

I don't know what to do

[holeinmyheart]

First of all your baby is a baby. She can't plot against you as in ' my Mummy needs to sleep and I am going to deliberately keep her awake.'

Something has disturbed her and you have said that she has been ill recently. She is looking for you for comfort and security and you are saying you shout at her and are grumpy.

Imagine. The boot was in the other foot and you couldn't explain what was wrong because you haven't got the vocabularily. How would you respond to someone shouting at you when you woke up or did something you couldn't help, maybe because you were scared .

You are the adult here and really need to treat your Dd with respect and patience. She will be reassured by this behaviour and it will pass more quickly, surely. Everything passes in the end.

If you take deep breaths and count to ten and treat her in her distress with kindness and patience, it will pass.
So quietly and firmly respond to her. You have one go at bringing her up and this is it.
Hugs, as it not easy.

[Mumtoason]

Firstly, hugs to you. Don't be too hard on yourself either. You're doing the best you can whilst feeling sleep deprived. It's tough! I am exactly the same with regards to sleep; I need it sooo much. My son did exactly the same thing after a bout of sickness and it did pass after about 6 - 8 weeks. In the meantime I did everything I could to grab extra sleep. Going to bed at 8pm was wonderful for my sanity. And I slept on baby room floor a few times when we had the worst nights of waking up as I could pop my hand in cot from floor and settle him whilst I drifted back off. I worked out in the end my baby was prob too warm and this kept waking him up. Maybe change your little one sleep wear or check temp of room. I only found this out after sleeping in there myself! I couldn't sleep one night I was sooo hot. Also is your doc supporting you with your PND? maybe you could speak to him/her too for some extra support? Hope things improve soon for you.

[Mumtoason]

Also holeinmyheart I've read your reply above and your posts on other feeds and I'm not sure your comments are v productive or compassionate (and considering that compassion seems to be at the crux of your comments im surprised). Just saying!!

[talulahbeige]

Thanks mumtoason, your support is appreciated, on both your posts.

Holeinmyheart, do you not think I don't know that. I hope you show your children as much compassion as you have shown me!

[Purplehonesty]

Wow hole that was uncalled for.

I think the key here is consistency. I too had an early waker so for as long as it went on I just took him into bed with me. I did that for a few weeks until he settled down after being ill and then started putting him back in his bed each time. Unfortunately then he started getting up four or five times a night!
We got a gro clock to show him what time was wake up time but that didn't really work.
Then we did sticker charts (nope)
Then we did the sleep fairy who left treats for boys who slept well, that worked for a while.
Then we talked about how tired mummy was, nursery tried to help, granny called and promised him things....
And on and on
Eventually I stopped talking about it and just put him back in bed each time and the phase passed. Nearly broke me tho!

Good luck and I second the advice about going to bed early if you can to get some z's in before the fun starts....

[holeinmyheart]

I do feel very compassionate towards her *mumtoason'
I know how hard it is , as I have a lot of children , but you can get yourself into a spiral of behaviour when your Dcs are going through a bad spell.

I didn't mean to be harsh but I was worried when talulahbeige said she was shouty grumpy Mum towards her little girl, and I know being bad tempered towards them is counter productive,

Some of the things I did to combat this phase were,

I put a 'put up bed' beside our bed to combat bed hopping and waking in the night as I also liked my sleep. At least I had drinks, soothing words etc to hand if they woke during the night. I just had the extra bed until they settled and the coming into my bedroom phase was over.
I also went to bed early so that an early start wasn't such a shock to the system. I also snatched naps during the day. I can catnap standing up practically.
I had an extra bed in their bedrooms for me to lie on. ( it could be a mattress under the cot.) You can listen to a serial through the iPad ear phones while you are lying there. I would often fall asleep.

I recorded soothing lullaby music and played them it, including inserting the words ' it is time to go to sleep now Holesbaby'
I had a consistent routine of bath, bed, story, kisses lights out. But I suppose everyone does that.

I know it seems a long time from April but this phase will pass. In a few months time when it has stopped and she is back to normal, talulahbeige you will be hard pushed to remember it.

[Crazyqueenofthecatladies]

In holes defence sleep deprivation is a massive part of being a mum, you can't just say sleep is important for me to be a good mummy, you might as well say a mansion and swimming pool are vital to my good mothering -- you don't get the luxury of that choice. Mothering is learning coping strategies to deal with no sleep not mourning it's loss. And the op has been very, very lucky with the sleep situation so far. Most babies do not sleep that well. If she needs the guarantee of a full nights sleep to keep her pnd at bay that's unrealistic and I would look at other options to handle the condition be it meds or talking therapy. Anything that can build resilience to poor sleep. I've been there... As for the deterioration in sleep perhaps her dd has developed reflux as a consequence of her bug, I would investigate less dairy in her diet, probiotics or even antacids. If she was scared and unsettled by the bug the op is just going to have to ride it out. It's possible... Ds didn't sleep through for 17 months due to reflux and w dd I was ordered by the hospital to set alarms to feed and medicate her 2/3 hourly round the clock as she was prem.