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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Ground swallow me up - mother and toddler group hell with 2.8 ds

11 replies

redclover79 · 16/11/2006 15:47

I'm feeling very deflated after plucking up the courage to go to my firstmother and toddler group in 4 months...
Since ds was about 18 months he has had BIG issues about sharing car toys. Fine with sharing anything else... So today we arrive at a new group where we immediately spied the ultimate nemesis: the little tikes ride-in car thingy.
It was unoccupied and ds spent the first 20 mins jealously driving it around. Evidently he forgot himself and was distracted by the toy kitchen, so another child hopped in. Queue 30 mins screaming and sobbing. I took him to another room immediately to calm down and tried to explain repeatedly that when we went back in if another child was playing with it he would have to wait and take turns, this only served to escalate the screams!
As it was the first time we had been to the group I was feeling VERY unsupported so issued a 10 min warning to calm down or we would have to go home. This had no effect so in the end, we left.
I was hoping this was a phase and after our break over the summer he may have got over it, esp as he is sharing quite well with his cousin now.
I don't know whether we should go back next week because I know it will happen all over again, and woah betide we get there and someone else is already in the car... I'm not sure if repeated exposure will desensitize him so to speak, or if we should find another playgroup. I'm terrified of packing him off to nursery next year with this unresolved and him having learnt new aggressive behaviours to get his own way while I'm not there to referee!! Help!!

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PanicPants · 16/11/2006 15:49

I would give it another go, but leave if he starts screaming again straight away, maybe he will soon start to learn the consequences of screaming over the car!

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sweetkitty · 16/11/2006 15:53

I can usually distract DD1 from her sharing issues by making a fuss over another toy. At home I actively encourage her to take turns with DD2 whos only a baby but it helps her to learn how to share.

Agree with panic pants keep going, give him one warning that you will leave if he doesn't share then carry it through. He still only young and a lot of toddlers are like this it's not aggressive or selfish they just see a toy and they want it.

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madmarchhare · 16/11/2006 15:58

Practice sharing his cars at home. Issue warning and stick to them again. Evebtually he will get the idea that there is no point as he will not get his way by screaming, he is testing you to the limit. Be tough .

Dont worry about the nursery thing. DS, almost 3, has started a couple of mornings a week and he has soon learnt that the teachers mean what they say.

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redclover79 · 16/11/2006 16:35

I'm edging towards going back next week, tbh. It's just a case of plucking up the courage!! It was our first time and that makes it worse! He is an incredibly wilful child and I really do have to pick my battles with him. I left because we were in a stalemate and it was a tough punishment but I don't think he will learn any other way... I literally can't think of any other way of dealing with him, he will calm down long enough to listen to me while I try and explain.
At home I am tough with his cars, if he has a friend over and won't share a toy it gets removed and put on the stairs behind the stairgate, but there's no way I can replicate that at a playgroup as it's not fair to other kids...
Do you think walking out was my only option or could I have handled it another way?

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PandaG · 16/11/2006 16:39

One thing I did when there wasn't another room available to go to was to strap DC into buggy for 5 minutes time out - as I had 2 children at the time it meant i could keep an eye on the one who was playing happily, and know the one who wa being badly behaved was safe during the time out. I hope you get some support next week if you go back

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redclover79 · 17/11/2006 00:11

Hi Panda, was thinking of strapping him in the pushchair but he does that ironing board thing where I can't get him to bend... but I am pregnant so will remember that one for future reference.
Apparently he's refusing to share his cars with his dad while I've been at work as well...

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suzywong · 17/11/2006 02:40

Those little tyke cars are the Work of The Devil, guaranteed to spread discord and malcontent wherever they may be

But on the bright side, any second time mum will know this and not think your child is a brat

good luck

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redclover79 · 17/11/2006 14:26

At least it's not just me they strike fear into the heart of!! I'm definitely going back next week, and have found a really small group that I'm planning to use as a training ground as well!! Would I be taking the easy way out just to find a group that didn't have a little tikes car?!!

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kbaby · 17/11/2006 16:56

We have the same issue with DD over those cars and left a playgroup 3 weeks ago because she hit any child that came within a 20 inch radius of her in the car. I dont have any advice really as ive chickened out of going back to the playgroup due to being embarrased by DD's behaviour. We do go to a different playgroup where weve gone for 2 years and know the mums so that way if DD does kick off they know me and will offer to help. At least I dont feel such a rubbish mum there as they do get to see DD's good side occasionally.

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Peridot30 · 17/11/2006 17:09

These things always happen at toddlers. Think you need to just keep trying, your ds never going to learn to share unless put in that situation. Persevere toddlers are good for mummies and children.

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redclover79 · 18/11/2006 14:36

I know it's standard toddler behaviour, but ds has such a one track mind when it comes to cars he cannot be distracted with another toy!! He does need to learn to share so I am going to persevere, but he has been like this for over a year now and shows no sign of stopping!! We stopped going to mother and toddler groups when i was first pg as i couldn't drag myself off the sofa without barfing til the afternoon and I was hoping he had turned a corner... Because he is so 'opinionated' i think this is part of his personality as opposed to testing me, so I'm thinking maybe we should change to a smaller group without the dreaded little tikes car so he can learn to share other toys that aren't so emotive for him!!? Or am I just trying to justify my apprehension at going back to the same group for more of the same?!!!