4 yo increasingly challenging us and pooing pants(7 Posts)
In last few weeks DS (4) has started really pushing boundaries with behaviour, being cheeky and also pooing pants. We're expecting DC2 in a few weeks, which he's very well aware of and is excited about. He's starting school in September so that's another unknown big change coming up. So yes, I know it's likely there's a connection but wondering what others who've had similar experiences would suggest.
Examples include showing off in front of friends, prodding, hitting and kicking other children, point blank refusing to do certain things he's always done before etc.
Well, he is too young at four to be plotting, as in 'how can I make my parents life a misery today'
Four year old are asserting them selves and trying to push boundaries. What you are describing sounds very normal.
He is being a child and cannot change because he is too young to understand how his screaming when he doesn't get his own way,/ bad behaviour etc depresses you.
So what to do? Well, as you are the adult, the only thing you can do is behave with patience and firmness towards him. No shouting, pulling roughly at him, etc.
You have one go at providing him with a secure and loving childhood and this is it.
Calmly and consistently ( when he behaves badly,) say to him, no! We don't do that/ we don't say that/ we do not behave like that or ........ Then implement time in his room, or withhold a treat.
Then when the time is up, take him in your arms and tell him how much you love him because ' he is a good boy' don't pick at him constantly.
When you have the new baby HIS world is going to be severely rocked and you are going to be dog tired and grumpy, but it is not your four year olds fault.
Every time you behave well and patiently towards him in the coming months you will be rewarded in shed loads when he is older. He is only a baby himself. You will have provided him with a happy childhood and treated him with respect. Priceless.
Dd is starting in Sept but a few months younger. The 'threes' have been quite challenging for me in many ways. Currently she wants what everyone else has, to the point she even names her dolls/animals etc the same fricken names as her friends toys have! I think a lot of it is because she knows there is a change coming and wants to 'root' herself. I have also noted that she holds herself from going to the loo until she gets home for lunch. I think a lot of it is still to do with fear of missing out on play (her relationships with her friends seem very important to her atm - see above as wanting to be 'the same') but it does worry me. Nursery have no concerns however. Have you checked how yours think things are going? They can be very supportive in these times - for eg dd recently was asking a lot about her estranged dad and they helped by going over different family dynamics at registration.
I know a few parents who have younger siblings recently and it can be quite hard work. There are loads of books on Amazon about new babies that have been useful (sorry not v specific!) and mixing with other kids who have similar sibling structures helps. If not for them, then for the parents!
I hope you feel better about it all soon, it's bound to be daunting, but from what I have seen once sibling is there they figure it all out pretty fast as long as you are still reliable for them. <nb - this doesn't include bending over backwards to meet their every demand, they need to be reasonable even more so now they are the 'older sibling'>
Thanks both. I will try to not give in to the picking at him thing - it's hard but like you say it's an investment in the future!
I am staying with my GD who is four and also starting school in September. I have had an immense amount to do with her as my DIL had PND.
I have been very lucky to have the privilege of looking after her.
When she started Pre School, she came home and spat at me. I got down to her level and said 'Grannie doesn't like that.' She then spat again. ( I had to stop myself laughing at this tiny creature defying me) but again I said firmly ' Grannie doesn't like spitting and nice little girls don't spit'
My face was stern as well. I then said would you like some pieces of orange?
When you cross her she yells blue murder. However yelling at a yelling child, in order to stop them yelling is a ridiculous solution.
I always use diversion strategy such as, pointing out of a window and saying in a mock excited voice 'wow look at what's out here, it is a huge bird'
The yelling usually stops instantly as they are curious beings.
I have never heard my DIL or son shout at their little girl. From my observations and bringing up my own children I think if you are a shouty loud person yourself, it is likely your children will be the same as they will copy you.
I have a 3 yo her birthday is next March and she's getting out of control she's forever shouting at her little brother who's 5 months and forever hitting him and other children she's broke plates and all sorts she swears at me and gives me abuse when I send her to her room she screams and wrecks her room I can't deal with it I've tried everything she's good at nursery
luckily we don't have the poo thing going on
but 4yo dd2 has been FOUL recently - really rude and willful. she starts school in September as well, and I thing there's probably anxiety about the change. Plus she's grown out of nursery a bit, although she'll still have to go until august, and i think this is really contributing to all the boundary pushing.
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