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Is this normal for 8 year old behaviour?

(5 Posts)
Isobelbenjamin Tue 23-Jun-15 11:03:07

I have two DCs, DD 12 and DS 8. My DS has always had a strong character from day one. He is caring, loving, gentle and very intelligent.

Last year we decided to move him from his school (we were not happy with school because of expansion plans - we have not moved house) when he was at the end of Year 2, to a new school at the start of Year 3 in September.

DSL was very mature about this, accepted it with no arguments and has to tbh not complained very much at all. He has made friends which I think is brilliant seeing as he was new and friendship groups already formed from Reception. His school work has improved a little, but has not gone backwards which I am told is not unusual for year 3. He is an excellent reader, has been since year 1, he probably has the reading age of an 11year old. He is ok with maths, but his writing is messy, and irratic.

My worries are that in May the teacher called us in to say she was concerned that DS had some difficulties at school. She said that his organisational skills were a problem, and that he sometimes found it difficult to sit down and focus on getting school work done. To help him she allowed him (and a few others) to sit in a quieter area of the classroom to do his work. She also thought it was worth while having him assessed by a psychologist as she felt so of his behaviours were not choices but he couldn't help it. We told her we did not disagree and we agreed with her we would try various strategies at home and school to help him, one of which we said he should not be allowed to sit away from his school peers to do school work, he should sit at the table as everyone else. I might add that this school has some mixed classes. And DS is in year3/4, he is year 3 there are some year 4s. The school are a little more 'modern' in their approach to work and they always work in pairs. These pairs are not by choice, and they have to work with every class member at some point. They also allow some of the older ones in the class to act a bit like monitors and they can perhaps point out to the younger ones behaviour that is not acceptable.
My son particularly dislikes this aspect of other kids telling him off.
We were asked to go again this morning and she said there has been some improvements, and he is definitely more sociable. But she also had concerns. As he can be quite tactile with others (?) this is not so for us at home. She listed that he hugged a boy in his class (a friend) and then got upset with himself and that he always likes to touch his girlfriends (yes he has. Girlfiend) hair, or arm, and hugs her a lot. She also said during activ8 he does big movements that he can't seem control etc. all things she said were not as he is at home. He can control his movements. He is loving, but that is great I think and he is never violent or hits anyone or gets in to fights. I

I just feel so annoyed with the teacher and school because I feel she is making something out of nothing, over em phasing every minor detail. I agree he is not keen to sit and do his work but I feel that this is not usual for this age or even for a boy. Can the school insist on the child psychologist?

Sorry for long post. Probably missed a few things out.

MrsNextDoor Tue 23-Jun-15 20:50:51

I assume the psychologist is in fact an Educational Psychologist...an expert in fishing out any issues which may or may not be present.

From what you've said, the school seems good...their concern is a positive thing. I know it's never nice to hear that someone thinks your child may have issues (I've been where you are) but try to remember that education today is far more sophisticated than it used to be in that staff are trained to recognise all kinds of common difficulties which some children may have.

Sometimes their concerns are unfounded and there's nothing to do further...a child might simply be energetic or immature in some ways and these things sort themselves out in time but other times, there may be an issue which the child needs assistance with...and if your son does have an issue, it's best to see the Child Psychologist...just in case...then he can receive any help he needs.

From what you've described it sounds as though he might have some sensory issues...not that I'm an expert...but sensory issues are very common and can be sorted out with a bit of expert help.x

headinhands Fri 26-Jun-15 19:28:22

OP I know it's so easy for parents to get their back up when school have concerns about your DC's, but they genuinely don't have time to blow things out of proportion and talk to you about stuff that is not really a problem. If school have concerns it is definitely worth pursuing it as far as you can. What harm is there in doing so. If it's nothing then fine but if your ds does have needs that require extra intervention then it's really important that everyone is fully on board. Your DS only gets one shot at education so it's really important to get him all the help and expertise he needs if he does need it.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Sat 27-Jun-15 18:14:05

Sounds like the school thinks he has dyspraxia, and from your description he could well have. There's an awful lot of symptoms in your post. Schools rarely go looking for issues and trouble, but while you know your son best they have a far greater understanding of normal 8 yo behaviour having interacted with hundreds and they are seeing something that he may need help with. I'd come to terms with the shock of this and assist them. If there's nothing wrong they'll know soon enough.

TeenAndTween Sat 27-Jun-15 19:21:06

I was wondering dyspraxia too.

Sometimes, behaviour can be missed at home because you automatically make adjustments almost without realising it.

My DD2 finds it hard to concentrate in a noisy environment. But at home, we don't have the radio or TV on as background, and she has a quite place to do her homework, so it doesn't arise. But at school ....

DD1 has always been a bit of a fiddler, and tended to find reasons to get up from her chair whilst working (plus a host of other stuff). Age 15 she had an OT assessment which confirmed dyspraxia (which I suspected). It also pointed out weak upper core stability, which I hadn't thought about - she finds it hard to stay sitting because of this, so needs to move around more.
DD2 also is often to be found standing over her desk at school - this was first mentioned 3 years ago. OT assessment last year, also said she has weak upper core stability.
These have never been an issue at home because we don't expect them to sit still for any length of time, but at school ...

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