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Can newborns have a temper?

(38 Posts)
joycep Sun 21-Jun-15 14:57:58

Hi - my twin non identical boys are 6 weeks old but were born at 36weeks. I have an experienced maternity nurse (40years) Lookjng after us for a couple of weeks and she said twin 2 has a very bad temper and that some parents don't want to hear it but we will need to be careful with him as he grows up. She said he will become mean if we pander to his every need. I have noticed that when he is hungry he doesn't really cry like his brother, he really screams and shakes, punches the air and turns purple until he is fed. But can you really label a 6 week old and say he has a temper and that we will have problems with him? Has anyone had experience of having s baby that seems to get very cross but then grows out of it?

Tinfoiled Sun 21-Jun-15 15:02:03

What an absolute load of shit angry. Where did you find this 'maternity nurse'? Telling people that a tiny newborn has a temper is pretty despicable. There are all sorts of reasons your baby may behave like that and none of them are 'temper'. Please don't listen to her.

Seriouslyffs Sun 21-Jun-15 15:03:04

Get that woman out of your house immediately.
She's a dangerous idiot.

MissBattleaxe Sun 21-Jun-15 15:03:44

sack her. It's dangerous bollocks.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 21-Jun-15 15:03:59

Well I'm no expert... But it sounds like bollocks to me and she sounds like she has extremely outdated views. I don't think I'd want her near my babies.

NerrSnerr Sun 21-Jun-15 15:05:01

Fire this lady immediately. She is talking the biggest load of bollocks.

I'm no expert but maybe your son has wind or reflux?

karbonfootprint Sun 21-Jun-15 15:05:24

no, he can't. He has no understanding or control over his feelings at all.

Tinfoiled Sun 21-Jun-15 15:07:11

I agree with NerrSnerr it could be reflux. It causes pain. How is he during/after feeding? Is this 'nurse' also encouraging you to stick to 4 hourly feeds instead of on demand feeding by any chance?

DonTChew Sun 21-Jun-15 15:08:57

That's really horrible. Sorry to pile on. But your babies are six weeks. All they can do is react instinctively to their needs and basic feelings, and their carers' job is to help meet those needs - not to impose false meaning on them.

It must be tricky for you, with twins? - I know all sorts of unhelpful ideas can take hold when you are sleep-deprived, post-natal and vulnerable. But really, they are just basic little creatures who need you to feed and comfort them at this stage...

AppleAndBlackberry Sun 21-Jun-15 15:09:57

Some babies are more sensitive than others like some people are but I don't think their temperament at that age necessarily reflects later life. I had a very placid baby who turned into a very challenging toddler!

TheOddity Sun 21-Jun-15 15:12:02

No.

PotteringAlong Sun 21-Jun-15 15:16:03

She's wrong.

Pico2 Sun 21-Jun-15 15:20:32

I think some babies are "higher needs" babies. The only one I know who fell into this category is lovely, but has great parents, so who knows how she would have turned out with different parents.

I also think that having "high needs" is very different to having a temper. There are plenty of emotions other than anger - fear and pain spring to mind.

I am in favour of demand feeding, but I think it may be unrealistic of parents of singletons to foist parenting approaches onto you. Similarly, I wonder whether the calls of "sack her" come from any parents of multiples.

joycep Sun 21-Jun-15 18:22:42

Thanks ladies! This woman does have a way with words which I really am having to get used to but ever since she said it, it has been praying on my mind. I guess I took it on board because she is so experienced but I am relieved you mostly think they are too young to have labels. Tinfoiled- Interestingly she said he has silent reflux and we are on a 3 hour routine as opposed to on demand which was incredibly relentless with The two of them. Generally they can manage 3 hours. his shaking and fist pumping and screaming blue murder is really just related to an empty stomach and nappy changes and he will only settle once he is full.

Pico- Interesting about higher needs babies. He does seem very jumpy and anxious compared to his brother but I guess at 6 weeks and adjusted age of 1-2wks it may be too early to tell

Micah Sun 21-Jun-15 19:27:20

Is the 3 hour routine your choice or the mat nurses?

Remember whatever her experience (and she does sound out of date, small babies don't have tempers, and "pandering to their needs" doesn't make them mean- the opposite in fact) they are your babies and if you want to feed on demand, or two hourly so they don't get to the point of screaming blue murder with hunger, then you can choose to do so. Whatever she says. She's your employee.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 21-Jun-15 19:35:42

At 6 weeks, I's say 3 hour routine is quite cruel if the babies are fighting it!

Lagoonablue Sun 21-Jun-15 19:42:58

Fucking hell. Babies that age don't have tempers! Plus all of the accepted knowledge about babies now is feed on demand! If baby wants food feed it!

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Sun 21-Jun-15 19:45:00

If your three hour routine is leaving one child hysterical with hunger I would suggest it isn't working for you at all. The hysterical child bit is the clue, and I'd be highly wary of any maternity nurse that victim-blamed a six week old infant than her own piss-poor notions of outdated 'care'. It could well be reflux and it could well be that the child is just far too small to go three hourly. I certainly don't go that long between glasses of water.

Lagoonablue Sun 21-Jun-15 19:45:40

Just to add babies don't need a feeding routine, their tummies are the size of a walnut and 3 hours might be a long time. No wonder they are cross.

Get rid of her and outdated ideas and feed on demand. Myers its relentless but sorry that's the way it is in the first few weeks. Mathew are growing and developing at a rapid rate and need food, very regularly.

Her ideas are outdated.

Lagoonablue Sun 21-Jun-15 19:46:30

Yes relentless not Myers.

formidable Sun 21-Jun-15 19:49:14

He sounds like he is crying because he's hungry.

Poor little thing! Your nurse seems determined to set your two babies against each other right from the start. How sad.

Eigg Sun 21-Jun-15 19:50:26

Just wanted to step in here re the feeding on demand comments.

EBF twins is really, really hard. I personally breast fed my two for well over a year and they never had formula.

However on demand was just completely unsustainable for me. I was so sleep deprived I couldn't even remember which baby I'd fed or which I'd changed. I therefore switched and fed three hourly and my two were completely fine.

It was not in any way 'cruel'. I'm sure the OP has learned her babies feeding 'tells' and will feed them earlier if necessary.

That aside, looking back on things, we realised that some of the crying one of our twins did was because she was angry (comparing it to her personality now iyswim).

However this is a retrospective realisation and not something I think we could have identified at the time.

Our twins have very different personalities and therefore subtly differing parenting works with each of them but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the reported advice of your nurse. Your DC are very tiny and she's telling you to parent them substantially differently based on the fact that one cries more? Nonsense. Balderdash. Piffle.

Ps our two cried the same amount - just for completely different reasons (we realise now!)

CookPassBabtrigde Sun 21-Jun-15 19:50:31

Absolutely not! He is six weeks old shock don't let her label your child like that!
If it's any consolation, DS was a right grump for the first couple of months but 8 months on he is the happiest most laid back baby.
As this age, pander to your babies needs - they are needs, not wants.

Tapasfairy Sun 21-Jun-15 19:51:20

My mum came along and told me I was feeding way too much ( he cried I offered a boob) then commented that I was fed every four hours and cried all the time.

Do you think I was hungry?

Feed a bit more. Ignore her.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 21-Jun-15 19:51:57

I am a maternity nursery nurse with 40 years experience and my advice would be to pack that woman's bags and show her the door.

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