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Desperate for help

(14 Posts)
Cantmanage Thu 18-Jun-15 19:28:33

Adding here as not much response on chat and need all the help I can get.
My dd is 2 and going through tantrum hell. We can't go out without a massive paddy- the other day it took an hour to get her into the car when she didn't want to leave somewhere and today we went to toddler group she was a complete nightmare- wouldn't leave, kicking and screaming at me.
I'm pregnant again and really wish I wasn't now - I can't cope .
I'm crying again with embarrassment that I can't control my own child.
I can't manage one child and soon be two

Cantmanage Thu 18-Jun-15 19:49:15

Bumping in case someone ca. Help

Cantmanage Thu 18-Jun-15 19:49:29

*can help

YokoUhOh Thu 18-Jun-15 19:54:36

Take bribes everywhere. When DS (2.8) is in one of those moods, I can usually tempt him into the car seat with a treat. Then when he's being co-operative, I praise him to the hilt. It works; he rarely kicks off these days - I just need to keep remembering to tell him how well he's doing following instructions.

You'll get there, this is totally normal, her stubborn nature will probably benefit her in later life!

Catnap26 Thu 18-Jun-15 20:01:49

OP my ds is doing the exact same,just turned 2.hes always been a handful but he's so big and strong I find it really difficult to control him when he is having a tantrum.by controlling I mean physically take him off the pavement in the poring rain.the only thing I have found that has helped is being really firm and providing a distraction.im hoping it is a faze that will pass very quickly!

Strictlyison Thu 18-Jun-15 20:05:25

Yes bribes, distraction, food. You can also put the blame on something - the boss said the playgroup is finished, we have to go! Or alternatively, the Queen says children have to go to bed at 7 (I know, I know, it's a big fat fib but it works). What also worked with mine was a timer - a large sand 10-minute timer (I suppose an egg timer would do) and you say in ten minutes when the timer is finished the playgroup is finished and it will be time for a snack in the car seat. Something like that.

Brightonmumtoatoddler Thu 18-Jun-15 21:30:08

Oh god I'm shameless with bribes to get my toddler to do things. I literally get up close to her ear and whisper "we go home now, icecream yeh?" And she will instantly cooperate.
To the whole world she looks like an obidient and wonderful child and I look like a good mother. Ha ha if only they knew.
Works though, fuck it.

Cantmanage Thu 18-Jun-15 21:36:36

I just feel so awful I'm so embarrassed of her sometimes but it's my fault if she can't behave it's my fault. I can't go back to that play group ever again it's was awful.
People must think I'm a shit mum sad I feel like one

Miaza Thu 18-Jun-15 23:49:10

I always bribe and it works a treat. I also use the tactic of park/museum/etc is about to close - you don't want to be here all night. Imagine I'd we saw a fox/there's no cosy bed here. If all else fails, I start to walk. DS soon follows.
I will never forget the scene of a patient and pregnant mum sitting on the pavement beside her toddler who lay flat on the ground refusing to leave. She was saintly. I would have lost it.

Limpetsmum Fri 19-Jun-15 05:02:35

Have a read of Tanya byrons book. Putting Into practice her tips transformed my son.
My son used to bite other kids when my second was born. He used to play up a bit with tantrums.
Basically the book makes you realise that kids want attention. If they have your attention, they behave. If you don't give them your attention, they'll do something to get it (tantrums, bite, be naughty in whatever way). So give them the attention when they're good rather than having to give it to them when they're bad.
It was a really simple concept but when I realised I needed to have more patience and my son was actually just being normal for his age and it was me who had to change, things got better behaviour wise.

Just a thought - as it really worked for me and I have a little angel now! Good luck.

heylilbunny Fri 19-Jun-15 05:23:54

OP just want to reassure you that toddlers having tantrums is totally normal. All mine had their "moments" when I was carrying a screaming child into the car etc. They are now 9-14 and (amazingly) well behaved. When you are pregnant and exhausted having your toddler have a meltdown is the pits but you are not a terrible mum.

Sometimes my 2-4 year old having a tantrum had got themselves in such an emotional state they couldn't find a way out. I found running a warm bath and letting them play in there AT ANY TIME OF DAY was a life saver.

Immersing a child mid - meltdown in warm water just works miracles.

Didn't mean to brag about my kids behaviour, I am just stunned to realise how enjoyable their company is when I remember all those days when nothing is working and you feel.like the worst mum ever ( I had three, five and under).

It will pass, be kind to yourself. Do you have any help? Can anyone come and play with PFB while you rest your frazzled nerves?

BeeMyBaby Fri 19-Jun-15 06:48:33

OP another suggestion is a distraction, try to get their mind on to something else if you can tell a tantrum is about to start. Once dd2 was about to have a extreme tantrum when she was about the same age and we were walking to the park- thankfully I saw a completely rank splatted dead bird on the path and the tantrum faded so fast as her attention was drawn to the icky sadness... Once you have 2 you'll find it gets easier as your dd will have someone else to focus on.

UngratefulMoo Fri 19-Jun-15 07:51:06

I just started a thread on this board with a tip that's helping me and DH with 22mo DD - basically just giving her notice of what's about to happen before it does - we explain what needs to happen and then say 'I'm going to count to three and then x will happen'. It gives her time to get used to the idea and seems to calm her down enormously - she is very strong willed.

I've actually just realised from reading your post that with something like leaving the park we also count down the minutes - not precisely (she can't tell the time) but that the repetition: "in five minutes it's time to go home" etc also helps her adjust so we're not just springing stuff on her.

It's by no means perfect but after a couple of weeks we can definitely see that it's making a difference to her behaviour.

MrsDeVere Fri 19-Jun-15 07:59:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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