DS screams when I try to get him to sit on potty/loo

[BotBotticelli]

DS is 2.6yo. In lots of ways he is showing signs that he is ready for potty training: knows when he is doing a wee or poo in his potty - tells me as he is doing it.

He is very verbal and sees me and DH on the loo loads and seems to understand what's going on (applauds me when I do a wee!).

I have tried on 2 separate occasions now to have a day in Big Boy Pants after talking about it with him loads, reading pirate Peres potty etc.

On both days I have tried it, he has not managed a single wee in the potty and has only pooed when I put a nappy on him for his nap.

He seems to have no prior awareness that a wee or poo is coming - although he understands what it is when it DOES happen.

He got upset and distressed when he wet his pants.

I tried encouraging him to sit on the potty or loo with a training seat and steps (we have both) every 15 mins "to try" and he just screamed and cried each time and said NO MUMMY. I don't need a wee etc etc. and then wet himself 5 mins later.

I feel instinctively like I shouldn't be picking him up and forcibly holding him on the potty whilst he screams/struggles...surely this would be counterproductive?? He has got to WANT to do it himself, right?

But how on earth can I hope to potty train an extremely wilful boy (not to mention big and strong - he is 91st centime foe height and weight and wears ages 3-4 clothes already and I am 34 weeks pregnant!).

I just feel really down hearted about the whole thing and think I should just give up and resign myself to him still being in nappies at 3 at this rate.

Any advice appreciated

[clmustard]

2.6 is very early to be worried about this. If it were me I would back off for a bit.

[poocatcherchampion]

He is not ready.

Bate bottom is an easier way to start as pants can feel like a nappy.

[yougotafastcar]

My DS was very similar to yours, he understood but just didn't want too. The best advice I had was to leave it. Just don't mention it. I also tried when heavily pregnant but DS was having none of it even though he was older then your DS. Then one day he shouted "I NEED TO USE THE TOILET!" to me upstairs and he sat on it! It took a few weeks to actually do anything on it though, but its been about a month now and I could count on one hand the amount of accidents he has had. He is 3 years 2 months though

[BertieBotts]

DS was like that, we left it and tried again later and it worked.

He potty trained just after his third birthday.

[DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel]

Sounds like DD2. Problem I have is that she will be 4 in September. She screams and is genuinely fearful of the potty and toilet.

[MonoNoAware]

I'd be inclined to leave it a while.

I tried and failed with both DS and DD at around this age. When I tried again at just before 3 it was much easier. I used the time in between to practice pulling trousers off and on and, with my second DC, I would get her to fetch a clean nappy and ask for a nappy change as soon as her nappy was wet/dirty which worked well as it got her used to having a clean bum and having her play interrupted I may have rewarded her with chocolate but can't admit this on MN

[Smartiepants79]

My experience is that you have to give it more than 1 day for them to get the message. My Dd is the same age and has just come out of nappies. The first 2/3 days were lots of accidents. She maybe managed only 1 wee in the potty. She sort of knew it was coming but hadn't quite connected the two things.We persevered an by about day 5 she was going in the potty regularly. It took 2/3 weeks to get the poo sorted though.
I never forced her into the potty. Just kept reiterating 'potty next time'.
If you want to do it you need to give it a good go over several days.

[Smartiepants79]

Oh, and yes, bribery is an option!

[MonoNoAware]

I've just remembered something else; with DS and DD being that little bit closer to 3 they were both able to go straight to using the big loo with the help of a cheap IKEA step and one of those loo seat inserts. Which was just great as within a few weeks they were merrily taking themselves off to the loo all by themselves. They still needed a bit of help with wiping, but it removed the "I need a wee!" spring-to-action drama side of it all.

Both mine were still a little reluctant initially, but we used that method where you just buy loads of cheap pants and jogging bottoms and just let them wet/soil themselves until they eventually get fed up and start using the loo. The key was to not remind them, not be visibly disappointed with accidents and to get them to help with the clean up. I would cheerfully say "never mind" then get them to take their own clothes off, pass them wet wipes, helping them as needed and then let them help themselves to clean clothes.

The washing machine was in constant use but, other than that, it was remarkably stress free and worked quickly.

[Littlefish]

Back off for now. I know it feels like a good idea to try and do it before the baby comes, but it just doesn't sound like he's ready. It's just not worth turning it into a battle.

Try again in the summer when the weather is warm and he can run around the garden naked.

In the meantime, have the potty available, or try and use the toilet just before he goes in the bath, and build it in as part of the evening routine, if he shows an interest.

We had the potty out for ages before dd was ready and she regularly wore it as a hat!

Dd was 2 years 9 months when we went for it. It was the first day of the summer holidays and she had been showing signs of readiness for a month or so. I just announced that today she would be wearing pants and I would give her 1 chocolate button for ever wee she did on the potty and 2 chocolate buttons for every poo. It's the first and only time I've used proper bribery, but it certainly worked well. She had it cracked within a week, although she did do 14 very small wees on the day I told her it was the last day of chocolate buttons!

[BotBotticelli]

Thanks all - think I am gonna back off fr a while and try again when he is closer to 3.

There isn't a danger that I will "miss" a window of opportunity to do it in though, is there?? The HV mentioned to me ages ago that I really needed to get started with training by 2 and a half, and I feel a bit anxious that that deadline has slipped...!

Thanks to the poster who said I need to give it more than one day - I think you're right, but the problem is I work 4 days per week and DS goes to nursery. They are happy to "support" potty training but I think that means they'll be happy for him to use a potty or the little toilets there once he has demonstrated to some extent he is capable of getting a wee or a poo in them! At the moment it wouldn't be fair (on him or the staff) to put him in nursery knowing he was going to wet and soil himself 7-8 times in the day.

So at the moment we are limited to giving it a try for a day or two at weekends. And if during the weekend he has shown no sign of "getting it" then I have to go back to nappies on Monday for nursery. Sigh.

Maybe once I am on Mat leave and the baby is here (and he is nearer to 3) I could take him out of nursery for a week and really try and get it cracked can't wait to do that with a 3 month old baby in tow!

[GingerDoodle]

I'd say not ready too. Mine wilful 2.8 dd very much called the shots and would never be told or reminded!!

[LovelyFriend]

Bribery with chocolate?
Next time you are out take him to buy some lovely pants for him to wear when he goes to toilet and stops nappies.
Is he interested in being considered being a "big boy"? If so use that too.

[gamerwidow]

You won't miss a window of opportunity it's not even considered 'late' potty training until after 3. Dd was like this at 2.6 years and we left it until later. When we started again at 2.9 years she was dry day and night within 2 weeks. Leave it until he is ready it'll be so much easier.