Help, I've got a newborn and need a hand hold!

[stubbornstains]

Beautiful DS2 was born 3 days ago, and is utterly lovely- but I'm feeling in pieces. Reading that bloody discussion of the day about easy newborns > has left me in floods of tears, even though I've been there myself- DS1 was a dream baby! He would wake up with a snuffle for a feed every 4 hours, then straight back to sleep.

However, for the last couple of nights DS2 has fought sleep in his Moses basket- he will drop off and we'll put him in there, then he'll wake with a sudden cry. He seems in pain....I'm wondering if it's wind or another tummy issue? He's red and grimacing and is soon screaming. There has been a lot of farting and gurgling but not much poo action. We're working hard on winding him after feeds.

He also seems to want to feed every hour or so- I don't even know if my milk's come in yet, I wonder if he's hungry? Not much seems to come out when I squeeze my nipples.

Obviously, I haven't had much sleep over the last couple of days, and don't feel recovered from the birth, and can't stop crying. Even when DP took him into another room for a chunk of last night, I found it hard to sleep. I suffer from anxiety and insomnia whenever things get stressful, and just couldn't unwind. I remember feeling the same when DS1 was tiny (even thogh he was a good sleeper) and am panicking a bit about how I'm going to manage.

DS2 is plopped asleep on my lap now in his rainbow babygro, looking all squishy and adorable, and I want to put him in the Moses basket and try to get a bit of a nap, but am already feeling the adrenaline coursing at the thought of him waking up with a sudden scream in half an hour.....

Any anecdotes, tips or hand holding much appreciated (bursts into tears again)

[Ducky23]

Didn't want to reAd and run, but sounds exactly like ds when he was born.

I hope someone comes along with something helpful to say soon.

Just a thought, I'm no expert at any of this but if you are bf could it possibly be something you are eating? Ds was like that (started getting a rash and pooing blood and non stop screaming aswell at around 4 weeks) turns out ds had cows milk protein intolerance, he was feeding every 45 mins as the cmpi have him stomach cramps, drinking soothed it shortly then it would happen again. Could you possibly try cutting out dairy?

[QuiteLikely5]

If he won't go in the basket have you thought about taking him in your bed to nap? Obviously with the recommended safety precautions

[Bluestocking]

You poor love! I only have one DS but he was a Velcro baby and a constant snacker so have no experience of a baby like your DS1. I would suggest cuddling up in bed with him and seeing if you can get some sleep that way.

[stubbornstains]

It's a thought ducky.....I didn't eat any dairy though yesterday, with the exception of some milk in my morning coffee. Funnily enough, he does have a slight rash though (blanching, no raised temp, so I don't think it's a cause for concern otherwise).

But I am increasingly suspicious that something's up with his tummy. I put him down in the Moses basket, he looked contented and deeply asleep, I managed to hang up a load of washing in the back yard and by then he was already howling.....came upstairs and he was screaming, red faced and grimacing, pulling his knees up to his chest.....I comforted him, winded him and put him down again and he looks like he's sleeping contentedly...wonder how long it'll last this time? .

[stubbornstains]

My bed's a bit shit, that's the worry.....saggy old mattress, creaky old frame. And neither side is against the wall.....that's why I'm reluctant to do so.

[Jemimapuddleduk]

My ds was like this, he ended up being diagnosed with silent reflux. I found swaddling him tight with noise from Ewan dream sheep and eventually a dummy (once bf'ing established) really helped. However things only massively improved once he got medication for the silent reflux.

[Cherriesandapples]

My dS1 was like that. With no 2 I ate a really bland diet and spent ages winding her before putting her down. She was great but did take a long time to burp after feeding!

[Ducky23]

When ds was diagnosed I was told that it can take up to 14 days for all the dairy in their system to 'come out' so they can still have symptoms for 14 days after stopping. Might be worth a go?

Hope your ds settles down soon

[stubbornstains]

Hmmm....OK, well, I just cleared a load of crap out of the bed, swaddled DS tightly in a sheet and lay us down in the co sleeping position. He slept happily for an hour (I couldn't bloody sleep! Did some relaxation exercises though). Occasionally you could see a windy spasm cross his features, and once he let out a cry, but settled back down again. (puffs pipe thoughtfully*). So, I think we've found a partial solution then.....

(off to check the structural integrity of the bed).

• that would be a virtual, Holmes-ian pipe, obvs .

[justhayley2012]

My 1st born was like this she had colic there are dula dummys I think they are called you tip a bit of colic relief in the dummy bit and after a few days she was ok a little brown sugar in cooled boiled water helps to also remember they can sense stress, babies are funny things my daughter wouldn't settle unless she was on my lap going to sleep and would scream when I put her in the Moses basket there is no harm in putting your foot down letting them cry for 25 mins I was advised by health visitor sounds and feels horrid but after a few times it worked, also try not to worry about milk same daughter was on 3oz when she was supposed to be on 8oz her weight was fine my health visitor said as long as weights gaining she's fine, she's 10 now still no big eater but all healthy, take care my lovely x

[stubbornstains]

Thanks hayley x

[TarkaTheOtter]

My ds was like this. He did have a bit of tongue tie which meant I think he swallowed a lot of air. But he doesn't have cmpi or reflux or anything like that. Just really bad wind. He didn't sleep anywhere but upright on my chest for about two months (I know that sounds terribly unsafe reading it back but he literally wouldn't sleep anywhere else.
After about two months his digestive system improved and he became a champion farter and a pretty good sleeper in his own bed.
I guess what I'm saying is that in the absence of any other symptoms I wouldn't give up dairy just for wind. Sometimes their digestive systems are just a bit immature and they struggle with wind.

Is he gaining weight well and lots of wet nappies?

[LosingNemo]

My DS was like this, I ended up co sleeping (I don't think it solves everything and had been really against it, but it really was a life saver!).

I thought for a while DD was going to be the same but after a couple of weeks she cracked it.

Basically- don't panic yet. Try her once a day in her Moses basket and just do whatever you have to do otherwise.

Finally I found breathing exercises and relaxation tapes really helped with my anxiety and PND. Do talk to your HV if it doesn't improve.

Good luck and congratulations!

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Have you tried a sling? Apparently if it's tummy troubles being upright and next to you helps, I know it's not as good as having a physical break/distance to just 'be' but it'll at least free your arms/hands.

[junemami]

Congratulations on your lovely baby. This was me 3 months ago with dd2, frantic feeding, no milk in yet, wouldn't sleep except on me or right next to me, combined with day 3 baby blues I went a bit bonkers. I vaguely remember frantic pacing round the house, then gave her a dummy which she had the audacity to suck, which upset me even more (dd1 refused all dummies/bottle s) so I took it out and threw it away, and then I cried a lot. The following day milk was in, did happy and everything became much easier. She's actually turned out to be a dream baby (so far at least).
So I guess what I'm saying is its early days and don't read too much into it yet, it will in all likelihood get a lot better very soon.

[Mrscog]

It's so early, definitely give safe co sleeping a go, have you looked into bedside cots? My DS2 (only 7 weeks) wanted to be by me for the first couple of weeks, but I kept trying him in the bedside cot and now he's in there nearly all the time at night. I'd also say that feeding 1-2 hourly is par for the course for the first 2-3 weeks and you were just very very lucky first time around! If you're worri about milk coming in go and snuggle up for some skin to skin to get the hormones flowing. It will get better :) and congrats!

[addictedtosugar]

I am far enough past newborn stage to have read the newborn thread and laughed at the naivety of people who had text book babies.
Some babies are like that, but the ones who already know their minds, and don't bother reading the books are great: you just need to wait til they can communicate a bit more.

I agree a sling might be worth trying.

Chances are you don't have milk yet, and all the frequent feeding is doing is signaling to your body that he wants milk. It should be in soon.

Congrats on a bundle of squishness

[Goldmandra]

I was very tearful at this stage with both of mine (especially with DD1 as she was diagnosed with jaundice and put under the lights just as I thought we were going to be discharged from hospital) and I think it's quite common in the first few days.

NCT page on baby blues

You should be less tearful in a couple of days and feel like it's all a bit more manageable

[Shadow1986]

Pretty sure day 3-5 is the worst for baby blues so just take it easy! Everything will fall into place x

[pocketsized]

Congratulations on your lovely newborn!
Have you tried propping up the head end of the moses basket with books? DD struggled massively with trapped wind and this seemed to help. Also, you could try winding him by "sitting" him on your lap, and moving his shoulders round in a circle, like you are storing a pot, while his bottom stays still. We found this much more effective than patting on the back. Also, tomorrow will not be day 3, and so will almost certainly feel better than today!

[BerryMood]

Do you get wet nappies? My DD was like that. My milk came in late, she was hungry and after 3 days we ended up in hospital with dehydration and she was put on formula. With hindsight I would give her a bottle from day 1 to spare her suffering.

[stubbornstains]

Hello everybody, thanks for your replies .

I tried to come on Mumsnet at 2.00am, only to find it BROKEN!! The horror! .

Difficult to believe I posted only 24 hours ago- what a difference a day makes with babies....I tried to have an early evening nap, with DP snuggling with DS downstairs, only to find myself totally wired- ended up doing housework at 11.00pm! Then I remembered relaxation exercises and did a bit of yoga....that calmed me down a bit...

.I was dropping off when Dp brought DS up, who proceeded to squawk and not settle and feed for 2 hours. Then I swaddled him up really well and plopped him on the bed next to me.....he slept for 2 hours before waking for another feed...dropped off again with no problem...then slept for 3 hours before waking for another feed! . This was at 7.00am, and I noticed the milk running down his chin when he'd finished...result! My milk's come in! Consequently, he's been much happier and settled today- although there's been wind, you can see he's not suffering terribly from it, so hopefully it was hunger. Fingers crossed for tonight....

[LosingNemo]

I'm so things seem brighter Stubborn. It's such a tough roller coaster ride for the first few weeks. In fact my DH has just paid up a £50 bet he had with me - he said I'd be begging for another baby by the time DD was six months. Well, nope. Two and through for me. Newborns aren't good for my head!
Anyway, this thread isn't about me - I just wanted to come on and say well done and I hope things stay relatively sane and manageable for you.