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Naughty 8 year old

(5 Posts)
fiveacres Fri 05-Jun-15 11:38:13

Am I doing this right?

He's stroppy, refuses to follow basic instructions (NO) sulks, then gets tearful and upset when reprimanded re his behaviour.

This has started recently, by the way.

I've been sending to bed an hour earlier for misbehaviour at school. He is allowed to read in that time in bed but unfortunately hasn't a wide choice of books as most are on his tablet. Phone confiscated. Stern 'telling off' interspersed with trying to be understanding. Forbidden to play with friends at the park.

It's not working.

Any other suggestions? 'At my wits end' ...

LondonZoo Fri 05-Jun-15 13:29:55

Gosh, that all seems very unpleasant for everyone concerned. It seems that things escalating is distressing for him, in addition to being ineffective.

I would be concerned that you put yourself in the position of enemy/master rather than helper/mentor/guide. So in response to NO you could try defusing rather than punishing. Just a quiet insistence that the task is done, checking that he is ok, and not getting worked up about it. Modelling the behaviour you want to see.

I wonder have you rechecked the basics; especially whether he is getting enough (actual) sleep, and whether anything is happening at school in terms of both work and friendships.

It isn't clear to me whether the response for one infraction is all the things you've said (I.e. Lose phone & early to bed& no park) that seems a lot to me - disproportionate and time wise quite extensive, so that a huge percentage of his non-school time is taken up with being punished. It seems a waste of the time where you could be helping him learn how to respond positively to stuff. I would also be concerned that he would feel very isolated within the family, and that you are inadvertently creating division between him and any siblings.

If he is punished at school for misbehaviour there I wouldn't bring it home, unless it was very serious.

Tillytoes14 Fri 05-Jun-15 14:25:24

I have a 9 year old who does test and push boundaries most days. Recently my son has started being dis-respectful to myself by name-calling, generally not always listening too. He has good days, but also has days where he seems to struggle expressing his emotions, something I think some boys struggle with. I send my son to his bedroom for dis-respectful behaviour to calm down and reflect on the situation, then we talk about things, sometimes he's not ready to talk, so I leave the room and return some time later and he's ready to talk. It's a difficult age and my son is quite immature at times, which I think does make things harder, he also had a speech delay and still has slightly, which doesn't help with his social and expressive side, but at the same time he's still a child and needs adult guidance at the same time.

ragged Fri 05-Jun-15 14:33:22

I don't think you should punish for behaviour at school unless school has asked you to do that. You can certainly remind him why he shouldn't misbehave at school & say how disappointed you are.

fiveacres Fri 05-Jun-15 15:34:38

Thanks for replies. I really appreciate all your thoughts.

Unfortunately, a significant amount of the poor behaviour is at school and as a side effect he has been promoted as it were in the popularity stakes. He is rude and defiant at times to the adults working in the school which I'm very unhappy about. I suppose I do feel I should be giving him some sort of sanction.

Very worried just now.

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