12 years old and I'm getting afraid !

[KMummy2015]

HI, I'm in desperate advice regarding my 12 years old boy...he woke me up this night at 4:30 running down the stairs playing video game...I went to bed with my 2 years old earlier and he stayed..playing video game..I allowed him to stay a bit more as half term..but didn't know that it would be so late...anyway...I woke up very angry..I took his phone with me to avoid him continuing the games in bed dragging him upstairs with me and for my scariest surprise I saw a note he wrote a few days ago saying 2 Killyourself xx(my partner) - killyourself xx(my name)

To be honest we been having some problems since I took his computer away some months ago, I am in my second marriage and he do quite well with my partner but he doesn't respect him at all and I can feel that as he grows up he is also trying his way to lose respect for me too.

Before taking his computer away we always had parental control and for my surprise (or am I being very naive?) he was breaking it with password hacks....that's the reason I took it in the end

This messages i read in the middle of the night was the most scary thing I've even seen in my life...I felt scary of sleeping with my doors open..I still haven't talked about what I've seen today, as I really don;t know where to start...but I'm taking him to his dad today and we will talk to him...

It is scary...He is already having support at school...he goes very well at school and have no problem at all but is his feelings that scary me the most and that;s what we are trying to rescue in partnership with school

He always been a lovely cute boy, very well educated and behaved, always a model for his friends and family but he is growing strangely, moody, seems unhappy and blaming us taking his FUN things away the reason for his miserable life...I feel so sad, so upset after raising him in such a lovely family and now THIS....

any supportive words or someone who been in my shoes are welcome to help .

thank you

[ppeatfruit]

I know it's very hard, believe me, but it IS a stage in growing up.

I think it helps if you remember what you were like at that age or older, I tried to do that. Be there for them when they need you but let them have a degree of freedom in exchange for their tecchie stuff. Try to be reasonable rather than scream and shout (you may not be doing that but it's hard not to).

There are books to help you 'How to Speak so your children will listen and listen so your children will speak' is recommended a lot on here.

[KMummy2015]

Thank you !!
it's a good point thinking how trouble I was about his age, you are very right.

I'm hoping it's just a strange phase

Thank you !

[A1Mum]

All children going through a hormonal shift will be fighting their own internal battles without fully understanding their feelings. It may not be this but it's worth considering. You also will have a very valuable part to play in 'cause and effect' - how you handle each situation. At that age; at any age, communication is key to solving problems. You must be able to explain o him in advance what behaviour is acceptable and give him the opportunity to give his input and ask him what he thinks. Both of you may have to compromise for a happy house. Don't make the mistake of thinking he must know... if you haven't clearly laid down the rules or expectations by telling him verbally.

I found this on MN that may help: www.mumsnet.com/pre-teens/mood-swings-in-children

[KMummy2015]

Thank you for your help A1Mum, I read the article and gave me some idea of what's going on and how to handle the situation.

Thank you again