how to stop the fucking crying!!!!

(107 Posts)
RavioliOnToast Mon 25-May-15 17:21:22

I'm literally at my wits end. I'm going to lose the plot. My DD2 is 14 weeks and never fucking shuts up. I literally am not coping. I've just made cupcakes with DD1 and she screamed and screamed and screamed. I can't cope. I really wanted to hurt myself and scream and cry in sheer exasperation. I can't cope anymore. I feel like I hate my life and wished I had stopped at Dd1.

I know, very deep down that I love this little beautiful baby so so much and would never ever hurt any of them, I justfeel on the bottom, and genuinely feel like I'm not coping with life. I can't enjoy dd1 at all anymore cause DD2 is so much of a handful.

GoldfishSpy Mon 25-May-15 17:25:01

Get someone to take DD2 out for a few hours and get some sleep. There's a reason they use sleep deprivation as torture.

Have a very basic plan for each day (ie I had: wash, get dressed, eat a healthy lunch, go to bed by 10pm).

Have you tried a sling / backpack?

KatharineClifton Mon 25-May-15 17:25:28

Ah, you have a very needy one this time. I wish now I'd of worn my needy baby in a sling attached to me most of the time. From reading what others have said since, this is certainly what she needed.

notquitegrownup2 Mon 25-May-15 17:26:56

Oh bless. I have been there and feel your pain.

Are you able to wear her in a sling? It was almost the only thing that stopped ds2 from crying, until we got his colic sorted.

What age did she start crying persistently at? Did you have an assisted birth? How is her eating?

Sorry for all of the questions, but they can help folks to advise more helpfully. Tell us a little more and let us help you. smile

ExitStageLeft Mon 25-May-15 17:30:05

Lordy fucking roo, this takes me back. DD was a nightmare, I resented her for interrupting mine and DS's nice time. I honestly don't know how I made it through, she screamed until she was 5 months. She was, a complete fucker. She is now 10 months and 90% of the time she's lovely. My advice is, have a break when and if you can and put her in a sling. Lots of love and tea to you xx

RavioliOnToast Mon 25-May-15 17:32:12

she's always cried, she's just so miserable.

normal birth. back to back labour until last minute , gas and air.

I have a sling but try not to use it as I don't want it to be a permanent thing. I've used it a few times though.

I haven't got anyone to ask really, my dm works, fil is retired but to absorbed in his free time playing golf and walking the dogs to help. He never sees them. I feel like I've failed if I need help. I'm a sahm, this is my only responsibility.

eurochick Mon 25-May-15 17:34:17

Just go with the sling for now. She won't want to be in it Forever and you can have your hands free at least.

BringBackCabinPressure Mon 25-May-15 17:38:13

Sling. And consider something like possibly cows milk protein intolerance.
Dd2 and dd1 were basically only out of the sling to feed or nappy change until they were about 4 months ish

KatharineClifton Mon 25-May-15 17:38:22

I thought later, after the months of no sleep, she must of been crying because she was in pain. She always had diarrhea until I tried potato in weaning. I'd tried soya milk which had made no difference. The pediatrician had said, oh yea, potato milk would of helped when I mentioned it. Too bloody late!

Your baby is crying because she needs you, not because she is miserable. Perhaps give the sling a proper try for a week and see if there is any difference?

NoParking Mon 25-May-15 17:43:33

If it's sling and (maybe) having a problem weaning her off it, or constant crying, I would (and did) choose the sling. Find your nearest sling library and get their advice - you want one that's truly comfortable if you're going to use it a lot.

Ime, slings make them more rather than less independent, once you hit the toddler stage.

thatsn0tmyname Mon 25-May-15 17:44:20

Sounds a bit 1950s but can you put the baby to nap in the garden? My son responded well to a temperature change and stepping in the garden made him stop. My partner has friends in Finland and they wrap the baby up and put them out in most weathers. Apparently, they sleep for longer when cooler.

mariposa10 Mon 25-May-15 17:47:42

I don't understand why you think you will have failed if you have to ask for help? I know you're upset but a small baby is crying because she wants comforting, she isn't being difficult. You will have to accept that for now she is young and wants her mother.

It won't last for ever and she'll become more independent as she gets older. Can you put her in the buggy/car and go for a walk/drive? You won't be creating bad habits by using a sling, if it's going to help with the crying why not do it?

inaboxwithafox Mon 25-May-15 17:50:01

Please please don't beat yourself with the "I'm a sahm" stick. It means you are at home AAAALLLL the time to hear the crying AAAALLLL the time with little or no respite. It is exhausting and very frustrating. I'm so sorry you're struggling and I can't say anything ither than it will pass, one day your wee dd will be less gurney and life won't seem as tough but it's just a case of slogging it out. I know it isn't what you want to hear right now but it's true. flowers

RavioliOnToast Mon 25-May-15 18:02:28

thanks everyone. I'll try with sling tomorrow,it's bath/bed routine now. my poor DD2 is holding my hand and saying it's okay mammy, don't cry. Can't believe I've cried jn front of her. for now, dd1 Islington across my knee, in a vest with her dummy in, and she's silent for now. I need a big cry.And lots of comfort food. And an early night.

BringBackCabinPressure Mon 25-May-15 18:02:55

Oh and don't worry about having to carry them in a sling forever - once mine started crawling/walking at 7-9 months it was difficult to get them in the sling unless we were outside and actually going somewhere. You do need a good sling though - sling meets are useful as you can try out loads and have a cuppa (and a cry if necessary). You will also find a listening ear at most sling meets as a large majority if sling users have been driven to it by babies that never fucking stop crying grin
Seriously sling - will save your sanity smile

BringBackCabinPressure Mon 25-May-15 18:04:51

What type of sling have you got?
Just don't forget the TICKS safety guidance with slings - make sure it's Tight. Baby's face is In sight. Curved back and nice and high on your chest under your chin almost

RavioliOnToast Mon 25-May-15 18:05:16

atm I've git a baby bjorn navy thing. It hurts after about an hour. I'm scared to wear it outside incase I trip.over. How did you all practice rolling/ sitting if babies were always in a sling?

BringBackCabinPressure Mon 25-May-15 18:09:53

Yeah baby Bjorns aren't the most comfortable. I gave up ours after dd1 was about 6 weeks old and moved on to much comfier slings! I had a baby hawk mei tai for a bit, but not mostly use woven wraps and ring slings.
The upright position babies are held in in slings gives them lots of core strength practice and as you bend over etc they practice head control. Sling use actually counts as tummy time smile both mine were walking by 10 months and actually most of the babies I know who were in slingsLOTS were early walkers. Although of course it's anecdotal smile

Pandasandmonkeys Mon 25-May-15 18:11:48

Agree totally with the sling (saved me with a very screamy and demanding dd)
But...We found that she had silent reflux at 14 weeks old. From the first dose of gaviscon she was a different baby ��, couldn't believe the silence! and I rarely needed the sling around the house after that. Do it might be worth a trip to the docs or he to rule out any reasons for her crying. Big hug to you - it's fucking awful when they just won't stop. Xx

mariposa10 Mon 25-May-15 18:11:50

A sling is actually a good way to help them build their neck strength as they're upright, which will lead to sitting/rolling. Or just take her out for a short amount of time per day and do tummy time with some toys. Some babies never roll properly anyway, it's not necessary to make them practice for ages.

BringBackCabinPressure Mon 25-May-15 18:18:05

Yes worth looking into a root cause as well as a good sling. Any other symptoms other than relentless crying? Are you breast or bottle feeding? Lots and lots of posset? Red bum? Green frothy poo? Eczema? Etc?

imip Mon 25-May-15 18:40:32

Yes, sling. I recommend an ergo carrier, but dd is still small for holding in the older position - which feels a little like the way you bear the weight of a baby while pregnant.

flowers it's tough. I had 4 dcs in 5 years, I still don't know how the fuck I did it! I look at a people with 2 dcs now and wonder how they coped. I didn't find wearing a sling the most enjoyable thing in the world, wasn't always comfortable. But I did like being close to the baby, and more importantly, they were not crying!

I've never used these, but what about those rocking baby chairs, would that help. I think fisher price made them?

Don't worry about learning to roll over etc etc, that will happen normally. A sling won't prevent that. You need a better sling that is more comfortable for you. I think there is a sling thread here, but I'm only really familiar with the ergo

girliefriend Mon 25-May-15 18:47:17

My dd was like this until I put a fairly strict routine in place <whispers Gina Ford> i felt exactly as you describe and actually thought I was going insane.

I won't say it fixed everything but she slept and fed better and I felt more in control, I also knew that she would nap during the day so I would at least have an hour or so to recover myself. I know routines etc aren't very popular on here but dd hated the sling, screamed in I put her in it, she was the same if I attempted to co-sleep.

She has always needed her own space and peace and quiet to sleep, she is now being assessed for sensory issues which when I look back tie in with why she was such hard work as a baby.

NellysKnickers Mon 25-May-15 18:49:21

I could have written this 4 years ago. Ds2 screamed ALL THE TIME unless he was attached to me. I was so incredibly exhausted. Hold onto the fact it's not forever. Try a sling, it saved my sanity. You have my sympathy, it's so very hard, especially when it's the 2nd one who's the screamer.

RavioliOnToast Mon 25-May-15 18:50:45

I have gaviscon in the cupboard from.our last trip to docs about 4 weeks ago.

She wants to feed every 2 hours and has 6oz of hungry baby milk at Each feed, sometimes she leaves 2-3oz.

She vomits a lot. seems to have diarrhoea lately. last week or two. no red bum, not sure what posset is?

she's been on loads of different milks cause she had really bad wind etc and none seemed to settle but she was happy on cow and gate, but feeding every hour on normal so switched to hungry.

We are using Dr browns bottles atm aswell.

She's finally gone down after being cradled to sleep, and a white noise teddy is playing

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