Toddler driving me insane!

[Hawest1]

This is a plea for help & sort of a rant roled into one so bare with me!
My son, who is coming up for 3years old, is driving me insane. He hits, bites, pushes, shouts, screams & I've no idea what to do with him as I seem to have tried everything! He bullies his younger brother (who is 1 this month) if he doesn't do what he wants he will hit him, usually using a toy as a weapon, get right up in his face to scream at him or any other thing he can think of to terrorise the poor soul! The naughty step kind of works, for example if he was out on the naughty step for hitting, he would apologise etc & stop hitting but usually find something ten times worse to do afterwards. My partner also has a son that is a year older, who he also bullies, it's getting to the stage that they cannot play together for longer than 5 mins without it kicking off. At nursery all I hear is 'he's had a good day' or 'he's been brilliant' bla bla bla bla but even I have witnessed him pushing & hitting other children at nursery. He has often been sent home from his nanas for bullying my little brother (he's 11 so won't fight back but also doesn't want to stand for his rubbish) whenever I mention his behaviour to the health visitor or anyone for that matter all I seem to get is 'it's the terrible twos, he will grow out of it'. I am at my wits end!! We spend day after day in the house because I am too scared & nervous to take him anywhere in case he injures someone else or even himself! Help!?!?

[Hawest1]

Another side note. Health visitor dos mention that this may be due to no longer seeing his dad (long story short his dad is no longer interested & hasn't seen him for the past 7months) but he was always a bit difficult even before this.

[DearTeddyRobinson]

I'm by no stretch of the imagination a expert in these things but I would take him out of the house as much as possible. I have a 2.4yo DS whose behaviour is far better if he has plenty of outdoor time. TV also seems to make him ratty.
Beyond that I think all you can do is be consistent, keep sending him back to the naughty step and explain why he is there. Specify the behaviour you want to see e.g. I really want to see nice gentle playing with your brother, no hitting etc, then ask him to repeat back to you, ie 'what is the best way to play? Gently' etc.

[Hawest1]

He's a complete nightmare when out, shoots across the road, doesn't listen, runs off, if at park he will end up in some kind of stupid disagreement. He does this thing where he stands still, shaking, fists clenched & growls when he gets angry or when he is about to do something bad & it is unreal how often I see that, doesn't matter if we are inside or outside. Even just in the garden he kicks off.

[NessaWH123]

Sounds like my little one so I feel your pain. We were at the park yesterday and I'm on tender hooks the whole time ready to intervene as he tackles anyone in his way whatever age. I was mortified as he went down the slide then smacked a lady as he passed her!! I don't have a lot of advise other than to say your not alone! He was told firmly no what he had done wrong was naughty and then I made him apolgise to her (in his own way!) And at home we use the time out step and he has to apologise but to be fair some days thst goes on all day! If he does it to much when out I make him leave and we go home ...would like to know myself any other ways as its exhausting and sole destroying isn't it? X

[Millie3030]

Another one here to just say I feel you pain! My toddler is definitely worse when he is out, he runs around doesn't want to hold my hand, when I hold it anyway because we are near roads etc, he hits me or kicks me. Tried ignoring it as many suggested it a few months ago, still did it, now have been doing the thinking step and have been for 2 months, and it doesn't really make a difference and I'm using the super nanny technique to a T! But still hits, still is aggressive and still throws things

Some people say they put there LO on the naughty step and they never hit again after that, I think really??? It shows how different kids have different personalities, and if you have a placid child you are very lucky!!!

[NessaWH123]

Thanks millie3030 for your post it helps t hear yr not alone. How old is your little one? I know what you mean about trying these things and getting knowwhere ...that placid child must be a dream eh and prob the people who have them wrote the stay calm advice ..easier to do when it only happens once in a blue moon not all day every day which is what I get at the moment!! Like someone else said in an earlier post it helps you to feel better trying with the different techniques to feel you are hoping to make a difference but in reality do they really help?!! So far nope :( I was supposed to b meeting friends today with all there children but have oppted out as can't face another day of humilation...x

[Millie3030]

He is 2 and I feel exactly the same, I took my DS to a soft play the other day, paid £7 to get in and he spent most of the time in time out, what an embarrassing waste of time! My DH suggested we go there again today and I said are you mad?!

But on a more positive note I actually noticed a little bit of progress today, my DS isn't great at sharing and when he is playing he doesn't like other people to get involved. But I don't think this is very conducive to him making friends in the future, so I very much got involved and he had a little paddy and wanted to hit me but hit the sofa instead! Which is a big leap for him. The big difference is we now put him in his cot for 2 minutes instead of the bottom step in the hall, as he just kept getting off and it became a game. He just waits in his cot now and gets no attention and it may have helped.

[NessaWH123]

Millie3030 your lo sounds so similar to mine yep soft play for us now is just a battle and not alot of fun. Where did u out him for time out whilst u were there if u don't mind me asking? I know what u mean about worrying he won't make friends but I'm hoping as my lo gets older he will learn ...fingers crossed eh.

[Millie3030]

There is a little side section near the mini indoor football pitch and there are chairs round there. It's away from all the fun stuff so is really boring, I made sure I nabbed a table right near this bit so I didn't have far to carry him.

I also went to christening the other day in a village hall, and as soon as we arrived I put a chair out the back by the toilets for a time out spot as I knew we would need it. Within about 5 minutes he hit another child trying to take his ballon off him, so I immediately took him out the back away from everything and told him why etc. I was embarrassed at the start of doing time out spots but now I think sod it, people will be more annoyed at me for not disciplining my child when they hit 'their' child so now I don't care and he sits in time out wherever we are. A friends BBQ the other day he had a timeout spot in the shade under a tree in the corner.

[NessaWH123]

Good on you millie3030 I need to do it more when out x

[Adarajames]

I think soft play may be not the right place to go whilst going trough this stage, they're so noisy and bright and over stimulating, hell I want to hit people when subjected to those places! I've taught / looked after many that sort of age, and they really do vary as to whether time out work quickly / takes ages, so try not too feel too bad, some are just little sods till they grow up a bit!

[NessaWH123]

Yep reckon that might just be mine!;) x

[Hawest1]

Hiya, not been on in a while (forgotten password!! Damn baby brain!!) thanks so much guys it's a relief to know I'm not alone! After speaking to my health visitor today & showing them a massive list of things my son had done in the last month they have finally listened & we are getting some extra support for his behaviour. We have been trying the naughty step, it half works, if he's out on for grabbing, he won't do that but he will find something else to do ?? baby steps tho I suppose!
He also broke his little brothers cot the other day, trying to climb in, no idea his reasoning, by the time I got there they were both lying crying with the side of the cot in pieces beside them (I was literally 2mins behind my oldest, he must be a very fast climber!!!)
I am still extremely frustrated by his behaviour, I spend most nights crying (what a waste of my free time eh!?) it's like all the rage, upset & everything else from the day has just boiled up & i finally burst.
My partner thinks I am too soft, but no matter what I try it always ends the same way, my 2year old always comes off like he has won, goes to bed barely phased by his behaviour from that day, & me a grumpy broken mess.
I am still petrified to take him anywhere, wether it be a walk to the shop or a trip up the park I case we meet someone & he ends up hurting them! My partner also says to take him straight home when he does this but I feel really bad for doing that as then my youngest ends up missing out aswell, fair enough the now he doesn't understand as he's only just turned 1 but soon enough he will click on & I don't want him to feel punished for his big brothers actions!!!
Sorry for the long winded, moany rant!