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How to safely deal with 4yo violent tantrums - hitting / kicking / scratching me

(2 Posts)
bookwormthatturned Wed 13-May-15 22:20:17

My just turned 4yo is going through a phase of lashing out - he will have sustained tantrums of up to half an hour where he will / kick / scratch me and I'm running out of ideas on how to help him. It mostly happens when he's tired but doesn't want to go to bed, or can't have that one more bedtime story .... He's always co-slept as a baby / toddler and now normally goes to sleep hugging me in his bed.
When he's lashing out I've tried giving him space but he then throws things / breaks things / strips the bed, if I try to hold him he'll fight against it. As a last option tonight I tried holding his feet and hands, telling him it's to keep him / me safe and letting go as soon as he stops kicking and then restarting if he hits / kicks again but it just doesn't feel right. Whatever we try I always talk to him about how he's feeling and that being angry is okay but we don't hurt people etc.
After a while he'll come out of it and go back to his usual huggy, loving, tactile self but the violent tantrums aren't good for either of us.
Any ideas folks???
TiA

JammyGeorge Thu 14-May-15 22:53:11

I have no ideas but masses of sympathy.

When ds1 had just turned 4 he went through a phase of violent tantrums very similar to what you describe. I tried my best to stay cool and react consistently all the stuff you probably already know. He was terrible for scratching he would grab my arms and dig his nails in you could see it was all frustration.

I did try and talk it through with him afterwards and he knew it was wrong.

On a positive it was a short phase I think it passed in 3/4 months.

He is 5 now and is much much more in control, a totally different boy. He has though struggled controlling the impulsive side and has landed himself in trouble at school but again it's all passing and he's settling down nicely.

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