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nursery wants educational phycologist?

(15 Posts)
hassanah Tue 12-May-15 09:48:31

Hey everyone!I'm concerned about this because my child does not act different. (Nothing wrong with that if he did) he's three a very bright boy loves playing with other children, wants to be stimulated a lot etc he doesn't mind loud noises his speech is excellent for his I can't stress enough how bubbly and happy he is I've never thought there was a problem and I still don't.The nursery seem to think there's an underlying problem because of his behaviour. Him and a group of other boys they love to play rough (my son loves play fighting etc) as in they'll play super heroes and he loves that and they say he doesn't know how to stop...well when you're over excited I'm sure it would be hard for a child to stop I was always like that in school lol. The other "problem" is that when he is messing around with his friends he's quite strong and has pushed down a child before abd the child cut his hand etc. When they try to talk to him about it he doesn't really take it in and just says okay sorry won't do it again but then goes off and it may happen again. Bear in mind most of the time the hour outside they are all running around wildly there's bound to be accidents! And II've sat and watched him in therw and its not like hes pushing down children for noreason they are all playing like it! Also they say he doesn't show empathy when the child gets hurt but trust me my child has a lot of feelings empathy being one of them if I hurt myself he goes to kiss it better etc if I'm crying he gets upsets etc etc the other day he got upset that fish and chickens have to die so we can eat them! He said no mummy that's not nice! We can't eat them any more! Bless him ♥ I have close friends who work in nurseries and can't believe it because they see there's no problem at all he just likes a bit of rough play. Bear Iin mind also I think this is happening to a few kidss there and one of the people that work there just thinks its overboard he's a normal child etc. I want to take him out tbh I feel stressed all the time. I want to take him out and see how he does in another environment, they aren't a very stimulating nursery they just run around. Please give your views ♥

Heels99 Tue 12-May-15 09:54:09

What would be the harm in the psychologist?

hassanah Tue 12-May-15 09:59:05

I just don't want my son in the system like that, I don't want them trying to write him off as something he's not. Then schools just see him as a problem child, I've seen people saying they'll diagnose with something just because that's what they're there for.

orangepudding Tue 12-May-15 10:04:21

If there aren't any issues the pyschologist won't find any. I would allow him to be seen.

Mrsjayy Tue 12-May-15 10:06:18

Educational phsycologists help children to be self aware your son may not realise being rough hurts people your son isnt going to be labelled or in a system your sons play is a concern for nursery

hiccoughybump Tue 12-May-15 10:10:05

I'm not sure you'll get any different responses by posting twice on different boards

lexyloub Tue 12-May-15 10:13:11

Go with the referral, psychologists won't diagnose a problem if there isn't one and to say you don't want your child in a system like that is a very ignorant view imo.
Nursery are right to refer children for different reasons if they see signs of a potential problems the reason they refer them is because they're not the experts, educational psychologists and paediatrics are. As I said before THEY WON'T DIAGNOSE A PROBLEM IF THERE ISN'T ONE!!!

steppemum Tue 12-May-15 10:14:10

let him see the ed psych. if there is no problem, the ed psych will see there is no problem and all will be fine.

If there is something that you are not seeing and the ed psych picks up on it, they will suggest strategies to help him and you and the nursery.
he will not be 'in the system'. He will just be observed by a professional.

Ed Psychs don't diagnose just for the sake of it. Sometimes the very thing they are there to do is to say child is fine, but maybe you need to change the way you organise out door play (for example)

capsium Tue 12-May-15 10:14:24

If you are against this, why not change nurseries?

It does not sound like you are happy with the way they are dealing with this. Tbh from what you have said it sounds like they are quite disorganised - allowing play to get so rough children get hurt and then complaining to their parents!

If this is something your child has difficulty with, it will be picked up by a different setting, this will give you a 'second opinion' so to speak.

Grantaire Tue 12-May-15 10:16:46

Why not just let him meet with the psychologist? I've see it go both ways. Some children there is absolutely nothing remarkable going on and that's the end of it. I have a family member who was absolutely adamant that her child did not need to see a psychologist and he really did. It opened up a world of help which he has needed more and more as time has gone on. His Mum was horrified at first but looking back, is grateful.

They won't label a child 'just because'. There are enough parents out there fighting the system to get support for children who need it. They aren't handing out labels willy nilly.

If you don't like the nursery though, move him elsewhere. Why wouldn't you?

Be careful too about saying well he's a boy, they like to fight and push and hit and hurt. This does a massive disservice to boys. They are all just children and none of them should be excused in this behaviour, penis or no.

capsium Tue 12-May-15 10:16:58

The thing is different nursery settings can have an affect on children's behaviour. Personally I would be reticent to keep him in a setting that could be having a detrimental effect...

BuzzardBird Tue 12-May-15 10:18:08

I think (from what I read on here) that it is actually harder to be diagnosed with an underlying issue than it is the other way around IYSWIM?
It is unlikely they will find something if it doesn't exist.

It sounds as though his rough play, coupled with his size is a bit of a problem with other children getting hurt. Sounds pretty normal to me but they are obviously struggling getting through to him to reign it in a little.

You do say that you believe the nursery isn't very stimulating, are there any other options so that he could play without the rough and tumble so much?

CrispyFern Tue 12-May-15 10:41:08

1. I don't mean this to come across as harsh, but you really need to teach him that rough play fighting isn't appropriate if he is hurting other children. Laughing it off is not going to help him.
2. An educational psychologist will give the nursery and you tips on how to manage difficult behaviour, like this fighting, which it seems that neither you or the nursery can quite handle at the moment. There's no harm in your son being seen. He won't change into a different boy.
3. Any advice they give, it might help him to settle in when he starts reception.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Tue 12-May-15 17:53:06

Nursery work day in day out with dozens of children your sons age, for years. They are experts in this age group. And they are seeing something in him that you can't or possibly won't. We're all supposed to be our kids biggest cheerleaders but you haven't mentioned the slightest even tiniest concern about your son... Yet others want him assessed by a psychologist. This doesn't add up. Is there anything you might not want to see which might tally with their view.

Sirzy Tue 12-May-15 17:56:27

Nurseries don't suggest things like this without having serious concerns. It's not a decision they will take lightly. As others have said it won't do any harm and it may mean he can be given support to help his development.

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