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opinions on what i did please- what would you have done ,how would you feel?

(4 Posts)
meplusone Fri 08-May-15 12:39:46

hi - not sure if this is the right place as fairly new to this site . here goes anyway .

Last september i hired a drama group for my daughters party for aged 4 - 8 year olds , mainly school friends and cousins.

I sent an email out letting parents know what would be happening and that parents wouldnt be allowed in the room as a show would be at the end of the hour to show parents.

A family member , ok my sister , came with her two boys 5 year old and 3 year 9 mths.

The party started and when i poked my head round twice the youngest boy was playfighting so i went in and told him two times he had to listen and no hiting , kicking, pulling or he would have to come out.
Then a knock at door , daughter aged 7 has cut lip , youngest boy had headbutted her when she tried to tell him to stop kicking her friend.

i bought him out calmly and said he had to come out because he had hurt his cousin , sister asked what happened , i told her that her youngset had headbutted my daughter and that he couldnt go back in to party room but if she wanted there was a playpark nearby and he could go and let off steam and no risk of him making a fuss and wanting to go back in room, and return later or food , she wanted him to go back into party with her , i said no , she didn't want to leave eldest boy who was still enjoying party so i understood that and i gave a party food plate to youngest boy and he spent rest of party being entertained by my DH blowing up balloons and letting them off.

I would add that originally she said she would come with her husband so she could help me and her husband watch the boys , instead he stayed home to do some jobs.
Imo the boys are a handful and the nearly four year old would reguarly pick things up and throw things, play fight other children and tbh is a real handful. i work with children and i would describe his behaviour bordering on challenging, but he can also be kind and lovely. he is not at school yet .

Since then she will reguarly bring up that i was too harsh with him by not letting him rejoin the party, criticise what i did and said to her and how i expected them to leave ,humiliated her and has obviously told her friends who totally blanked me at her sons party 3 months later

Its now got to the point that she is always "off" with me ,the latest being that she wouldnt be coming to a play park as someone from the september party was also going , because i "humiliated her " in how I behaved.

i would say i am very angry at being judged as doing something terrible when i was very calm and tried really hard when inside i was raging at my daughter being hurt and no apology or recognition of how she felt.

so now i dread seeing my family as they are so "off" with me and cant say anything to support me . Our mum wasnt there so despite knowing what i have told her and probably my sister telling her she wont offer an opinion or act as peacemaker.

i feel like i want to have nothing more to do with them but hate to fall out over childrens behaviour and they still want to see my daughter so dont really know what to do

any thoughts very gratefully recieved , thankyou for reading

PerspicaciaTick Fri 08-May-15 12:46:34

What a shame that your youngest nephew was simply too young to be able to participate in such a focused activity with much older children.
I think your sister is being very unfair to you and has blown it all out of proportion.
However, if you want to continue a relationship with her then you maybe need to be the bigger person? It is tough though.

ragged Fri 08-May-15 12:51:10

Well it's done now, sounds like you didn't have any better choices. No you don't want to fall our long term. How bad is the social blanking you've had to endure, will it probably continue? Does anybody know your side of the story?

meplusone Fri 08-May-15 13:22:59

Me and sister both agree perspicacia, that with hindsight he was too young to participate , thats why i thought his dad was coming and i already had the suggestion of the park ready , not as a punishment but as an option. But if i hadnt invited him i dont think that would have gone down well either . My cousin decided on the same information that her two year old wouldnt be coming but i left it up to parents to decide , i also think that he would not like to have been left out knowing his brother would have been going and not him.

Yes ragged , it is done now , I have told my side of the story and thought it was all over and done with , she just cant see that i did what i felt was best and she said we should agree to disagree ! .But it keeps rearing its head and family occassions tbh are very tense.

I can cope with social blanking but its hard knowing that other people have an opinion of you based on one persons account.

Interesting that everyone who knew what happened at the party said i managed it very well considering my daughter was hurt.

The other matter is we have recently adopted a 1 year old , there is a family occassion coming up where we will all be together , 6 adults , the 4 children and a dog for a meal in a small house. I would be more comfortable to go for a cheap meal in a child friendly restaurant where there is a soft play or something . when ever we get together my daughter ends up getting hurt by her cousin and i am worried for our 1 year old as well but i know if i suggest this or refuse i will be judged as over re-acting. does anyone else have experience of a four year old behaviour like i have described. if it was a friend i would probably discourage contact but family is different.

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