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How to teach your child that some kids will win more than him.

(5 Posts)
Wheneverwhatever Fri 01-May-15 13:40:00

The title says it all.
My 6 year old boy is quite competitive but he is learning to cope with losing a game.

However, he has got a friend that is really good at everything. School, work, beavers, behaviour (frankly i think he is a bit of a robot but i will not say anything to my son hahaha).
Anyway, my son now is saying "I wish i was J. He is so good at everything".
I really do not know what to say when he says that.
Any help?

brightside84 Fri 01-May-15 16:42:18

Hello,

It's so hard to know what to say but I would go along the lines of saying that we are all different and all good at different things - it's about finding out what you're really good at. This might encourage him to stop comparing himself to his friend and divert his focus. Hope this helps smile My son is 3 so we haven't quite got to this stage yet.

Bahh Sat 02-May-15 12:10:07

My SD is like this. Her parents are both very competitive (mum athletically, dad/OH academically) and she's picked it up, she's a sore loser and an ungracious winner. Her dad is happy with this and thinks it's a motivational thing that will serve her well when she's older, I personally think it's distasteful and might cause her to have similar feelings to your DS in the future. She's not mine to parent so I keep myself out of it, however if she's with me and starts acting that way I make a point that A) sometimes she will win, sometimes she won't. Both are okay as long as she's kind to others and keeps trying. B) everyone has different strengths. Ie "you're good at gymnastics but [best school friend] can run really fast, don't you both have amazing talents!".

Is there anything he's really good at? Making people laugh, concentrating at school, super good manners etc? Not necessarily results-based. Ask him to make a list with you.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Sat 02-May-15 20:11:31

I'd personally avoid talk of people being talented and good at things and instead talk up how hard they work for them, teaching yr son that is probably a useful life lesson.

AmateurSeamstress Sat 02-May-15 22:21:56

Do you DS? Well, I'm glad you're you, I love you soooo much just the way you are. Don't you dare ever change into anyone else, we need you exactly as you are in this family! Who else would... (List your favourite things about your DS).

Maybe get him to think of specific things that he is proud of, especially when he worked hard at something or was brave enough to put himself out there, at the risk of failing.

Also rather than talent, we talk about how some things "come easily" to some people, and other things come more easily to others. This came about when DD was slogging her guts out at something that she finds really difficult and being teased by others who were being WAY more successful with much less effort. Crazyqueen is right that it's good to talk about effort, but we needed to acknowledge how hard DD was working, not tell her that everyone else was working harder (they weren't!). We put it that way to, hopefully, stop her taking the failure personally, and also on the flipside said, "some others can find it difficult to listen to the teacher but that comes really easily to you, doesn't it?"

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