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I am concerned about my 3 year old DS behaviour.

(8 Posts)
NakedMum33and3rd Thu 30-Apr-15 18:58:10

This is going to be a long post so apologies in advance.....

My 3 yr old boy has stopped napping about 5 months ago. He was acting fine for a few month but the started getting really over tired. I tried to put him down for a nap again but he absolutely refused and he will not nap anywhere. He has never fallen asleep on the sofa or in our bed and he has only ever slept in the car about 5 times.
The problem is that his behaviour because of his tiredness is horrendous. He is lashing out at everyone including his little brother. He was potty trained but is now having accidents again as he is so tired.
I have tried bribery I have tried going on long car journeys but he will not nap.
I have resorted to putting him to be at 6pm but now we are having 6am wake ups which is causing him to become even more overtired by the end of the day (a vicious cycle).
When his little brother naps I always make sure we have some quiet time where we read stories or watch some tv but he won't sit still for longer than 5 minutes.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

and here is the second part of my concerns.....

I know he is only three and I originally was not concerned at all about his behaviour but for the past 6 months he has become obsessed with dressing up as a girl. At first i thought nothing of it and that it was just a phase. It brings him so much joy and that is fine. He has been given a 'dress up' princess dress for his dressing up box. The problem is that he wants to wear it all day every day and if you try to get him to wear his normal clothes all hell breaks loose.

He has started referring to himself as a girl and he cries a lot because he wants long hair like me.

I made the mistake of watching the Louis Theroux programme about transgender children and I am worried that this is the beginning for my son.

Before anyone judges me, of course I wouldn't love my son any less if he grew up to be gay or transgender but obviously I wouldn't choose this path for him as it would make life harder for him.

I don't know what sort of response I am looking for with this post but I guess I am hoping most people will say that it is just a phase that there son also went through.

Thanks for reading this incredibly long post.

Goldmandra Fri 01-May-15 11:15:33

My DD2 started wanting to dress as a boy when she was 4. She hasn't worn anything remotely girly since, has her hair in a boy's style, shortened her name to a gender neutral version (think Samantha shortened to Sam) and loves it when people mistake her for a boy and call her mate, etc.

For a while she wanted to be a boy and grow up to be a man and we didn't pass an opinion either way. She was diagnosed with AS when she was in Y3 and started to find out why she felt the need to change something about herself.

Four years later, she still dresses as a boy but clearly identifies as a girl and sees her future as a woman. She understands herself better and is more comfortable with who she is. She is quite different from the other 12YO girls in her class and enjoys the company of the boys better but she's definitely a tomboy, not a boy imprisoned in a girl's body.

I watched that programme too and I was very aware that I could easily have gone down the same route with DD2 as she presented as being just as adamant about being the wrong gender as some of those children when she was younger. I'm glad we just sat back and waited.

I would assume it is a phase, go with it so it becomes a non-issue and see how things go. Lots of little boys love dressing up as a girl. I've childminded several who spent all day in the fairy dresses and wanted make up on.

Also, when DD2 recently started a new school, they allowed her to wear the boys' uniform and offered to support her if she decided to change her gender. Things my be harder for a transgender child but people are clearly becoming more accepting which is nice to know.

NakedMum33and3rd Fri 01-May-15 13:02:16

Thank you so much for your reply. It is reassuring to hear your story.
I try to not make it an issue in our house but it is difficult when we have visitors and also my parents are very against it. Hopefully it is just a phase and a way for him to express himself. If not I guess we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Thanks again.

Goldmandra Fri 01-May-15 13:41:24

Sadly, our society is far more accepting of girls that want to dress as boys than of little boys who want to wear princess dresses. It's quite ridiculous.

I would take the lead with visitors by saying things like "Oh and here's DS wearing his very favourite dress. Say hello to xxx, DS." That makes it clear that you expect his choices to be accepted without having to be confrontational.

Mondayschild78 Fri 08-May-15 19:30:09

My 3 year old DS often makes reference to 'being a girl' eg. 'Im going to be a girl when I grow up' and variations on this theme. He also likes dressing up, says hes pretty and he wants to be like mummy. I just let him get on with it, I think usually it's just natural exploration to enable their understanding of the world.

Jaffakake Sun 10-May-15 13:18:29

ds1 is 3 & 3/4 and often mixes up gender when talking about others. Very often he refers to girls as boys. To me, at this age, it appears as though gender is an undefined thing they're still getting their heads around. I would suggest he is most likely dressing up as part of his exploration and learning about gender. I'd let him get on with it.

silverstreak Sun 10-May-15 19:48:19

Um, I wanted to be a boy when I grew up when I was little!! In fact, iirc till I went to high school.... smile pretty similar to a pp - wanted to change name to 'male' version of mine, short hair, boyish clothes, 'boy' toys, only make friends.... The works! Society these days tries to be far more gender neutral re all the above but it wasn't so usual back then; even so, noone thought 'omg silver is a boy trapped in a girls body what can we do??!!' I was just humoured by everyone (as youngest of 3 girls mum had wanted a boy so probably borderline encouraged it tbh) and left to grow out of it, as I did.... We called it 'being a tomboy' - Why is there no female equivalent word to tomboy?! Even now we would rather (or more readily assume) 'probable transgender' than 'likes dresses and flowers'.... Ridiculous really!? smile (Am very bog-standard hetro female now, BTW!)

Micah Sun 10-May-15 20:03:11

There's a boy I know like your son. A bit older though. He dresses like a girl, has long hair, and has a gender neutral name. At first glance you assume girl smile Even swimming lessons are attended in a girls costume.

His parents are amazing, and let him get on with it. I don't know whether he is transgender, or what, but he's clearly happy. There are a few comments from parents, (I wouldn't let my son etc..) but most kids are very accepting and chat normally, either gender.

He's 4. I'd be inclined to let him grow his hair a bit and wear his dresses and see if he gets bored. If, a few months down the line it shows no sign of waning, maybe get some proper advice. I'd maybe make sure he has some practical outfits though, explain girls can wear jeans and t-shirts too smile

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