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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

How do babies get out mummy's tummies?

42 replies

abigail12 · 15/02/2015 20:53

So my son 4.5yrs has started asking a lot of questions recently from "when will I die?" to "how do babies get out mummy's tummies?" Ive always been very honest with my children but I'd don't want to upset or frighten them. He was crying last week saying he didn't want to leave me and go to heaven. I think I've maybe been a bit too honest too early... As for where do babies come from ive told him God puts them in mummy's tummy and Dr helps get it out but he's not excepting this anymore. I had to tell him it comes out mummy's girl bottom. He's still full of questions though. How much is appropriate to tell him?

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TheNumberfaker · 15/02/2015 21:02

Of course he's full of questions if you're fobbing him off with God and Heaven! Just tell him simple versions of the truth.

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DevonFolk · 15/02/2015 21:05

I've got a book called Amazing You for similar aged DD (sorry, don't know how to link on new phone) It's quite honest about baby making in terms of sperm and egg but doesn't say how the sperm gets to the egg. It's really good about private body parts and how they'll change as they get older.

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monkeyfacegrace · 15/02/2015 21:06

Umm, god has fuck all to do with babies, and they don't come out of your bottom

How about the truth? Daddy puts the seed in mummy's tummy, baby grows, then comes out of a tunnel called a vagina and then gets wrapped in a blanket and put in a cot.

My ds was amused that babies came out of my foof, then he just laughed and wandered off.

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dancestomyowntune · 15/02/2015 21:08

Try the book "Mummy laid and Egg" by Babbette Cole. My kids think it's hilarious and gives them enough info without scaring them half to death.

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Roomsdoom · 15/02/2015 21:13

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Roomsdoom · 15/02/2015 21:14

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TheCowThatLaughs · 15/02/2015 21:19

God put a baby inside you?
Tell him there's a hole for the baby to come out of called the vagina and it's between the woman's legs. I told ds this when he asked, he did sank if he could have a look at mine, to which I said no, then he hasn't really mentioned it again.
It can feel awkward and embarrassing for parents to say, but take a deep breath and tell him the truth.

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LadyintheRadiator · 15/02/2015 21:19

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TheWhiteRoad · 15/02/2015 21:21

Look. Kids ask questions all the time. They don't have any idea that 'how does a baby get out'? is any more difficult to answer than 'why is the sky blue'?

I have a 3 and 5 year old. When they asked hiw their aunts baby got out of her tummy I simply told them that girls have an opening called a vagina and that babies come out of there. Then we all went back to watching cbeebies.

Don't make it a big deal. By all means tell a simplified version of the truth. But please avoid blatant mis truths like babies come out of bottoms. He'll grow up thinking women poo babies out!

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FishWithABicycle · 15/02/2015 21:24

DS5yo turned out to have been worrying about this question and had been rampantly speculating for a while rather than asking so I was relieved when he asked and I was able to reassure him. It emerged that he had been worrying that when a baby came out of the mummy's tummy it would have to burst out (he described it a bit like the scene from Alien - no he's not seen it) and the mummy would die and that wouldn't be good because then the baby wouldn't have a mummy. I explained that there is a special way out called the cervix which is normally pretty much tight shut but which opens up to be just big enough to let the baby out when the baby has grown big enough to come out. Kids don't like to be given all the detail all at once though - just repetition of what they already know, with the addition of a little bit more fact, enough time to process that and then a few months later another bit of detail can be added.

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friendofsadgirl · 15/02/2015 21:25

abigail12, if you want to tell your DS that he was a gift from God, go right ahead. You might want to explain that Daddy has some input too though.
I've attached a link to the book DevonFolk suggested:
www.amazon.co.uk/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
(Some PP might want to remember that we are all entitled to our own beliefs and to pass those on to our DC. )

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Pico2 · 15/02/2015 21:28

My DD is 4 and has known about the egg and seed since she had just turned 3. She knows that they carry instructions for making a baby and some of the instructions that made her the way she is came from Daddy (her height and eye colour) and others from Mummy (her curly hair). She hasn't asked how the seed reached the egg yet.

She knows that she came out of my "foof" and DD2 came out through a hole cut in my belly and sewn back up by a doctor.

She also knows that people generally die when they are very old and ill. We don't use the word "ill" when one of us is unwell - we say "poorly" so that she doesn't perceive us as being at death's door. She also knows that things like cars can kill you. She did go through a period of being very interested in death, but that seems to have passed.

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avocadotoast · 15/02/2015 21:29

My friend got this excellent book called What Makes A Baby. It's gender neutral (in that it talks about people with uteruses and people with sperm rather than women and men), really simple, brightly coloured, lovely to read. It has some little talking points in it too.

I think regardless of your religious beliefs, telling your son that God puts babies in tummies isn't helping him in the long run.

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PolterGoose · 15/02/2015 22:12

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bonzo77 · 15/02/2015 22:19

Tell the truth as far as they can understand. Ds is nearly 5 and knows daddy gave me a special seed and that he and his brother were cut out of my tummy by a doctor, but most babies come out by being squeezed out like a very big poo, but from a different hole that only women and girls have. He knows that girls have vulvas and boys penises.

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TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 15/02/2015 22:19

Four year olds are very interested in death. I think that is a harder subject to deal with than sex. DS1 went through an obsessive period about his Grandad who died long before he was born, where he would sob and say he missed him so much. It is best to be gentle and honest.

Sex is easy. Just say what monkeygraceface says and buy them Mummy Laid an Egg.

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gallicgirl · 15/02/2015 22:20

Have recently started reading How Did I Begin with my just turned 4 year old and its working out fine. I'm due to have second baby soon at home so she needs to be a bit prepared. I'd far rather she hears age appropriate information from me than playground speculation.
If the child is old enough to ask the question, they deserve an honest answer.

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Discobugsacha · 15/02/2015 22:24

Are you the Virgin Mary?!

I would get a book- mummy laid an egg as suggested above is good.

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Georgina1975 · 15/02/2015 22:27

I have a 5 year-old and I am factual with regard to sex (no lady bottoms here). I think anything else would be pointless and even more hard work. Death has been more challenging because I just don't know. I gave her a couple of options that people believe, and was honest when she asked me what I thought happened.

It's amazing how they rapidly move on from Life and Death to can I have a biscuit...

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80schild · 15/02/2015 22:28

I am always factual and always use technical terms (I called the vagina a birth canal which it is in the context of childbirth). I changed the subject yesterday for the first time ever when DS2 asked me how the seed got into mummy's tummy. I just felt at the age of 4 explaining sex in any context is just hard.

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abigail12 · 15/02/2015 22:30

I don't see what's what's wrong with saying we go to heaven when we die, imo it's the truth. The baby being a gift from God I believe is also the truth so I don't think I'm fobbing him off. I did say that God took a bit of daddy and bit of mummy and puts it in mummy to grow a baby. He knows boys and girls have different private parts, I have a younger daughter, but in our house the whole area is has always just been called a bottom. If he asked what it was called I would tell him. I don't think he needs to know about sexual intercourse at his age and in any case that's not what's he's asking, he accepts baby just grows in mummy's tummy, he just wanted to know how it gets out. I'm more concerned about how to answer the death questions without scaring him. Ps the "it's amazing" books looks quite good, I think I'll get it.

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Manic3mum · 15/02/2015 22:33

Yikes MNers can be harsh!!! I understand not wanting to go into graphic detail with a 4 year old though, some have more vivid imaginations than others! My mum did a great face when she heard me explaining that mummies have a hole between their legs for babies to come out of - it just wasn't explained at all 'in her day' apparently!

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abigail12 · 15/02/2015 22:36

Ps thank you friendofsadgirl x

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monkeyfacegrace · 15/02/2015 22:37

You can't teach your child that god and heaven exist, and teach it as the truth. You can tell them that it's an idea that some people believe, but it's immoral to teach it as the truth!

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GinAndSonic · 15/02/2015 22:42

I told both my dc about birth at around 1.5years. With my ds i told him as i was pregnant and expecting a v fast labour, and was aware that i could give birth alone with him present. I showed him birth videos. With my dd i told her because id told my ds. They are 3 and 5 now and havent asked how the baby gets in there, but both know the baby grows inside, in a bubble of water, and comes out of the vagina. They both know women bleed once every few weeks too. They are fine with it all.
With death we talked about the things that make a person be alive. Breathing, moving, eating, sleeping. And about how death means all those things stop, and the body doesnt work at all any more.