Where's my nice boy gone?

[Tink76]

Hi I'm new to this but don't know what else to do :( i have an 8 year old boy, 10 year old girl and 2 stepchildren (11 & 4) and pregnant (28 weeks) with my last baby!! A little bit about me, I was married for 10 years but split 2 years ago, I have since met and remarried my new husband, only been married 6 weeks. I have a medical condition which is at a criticle stage, (blood clots in my lungs) which has wiped me right out. I was a childminder but have had to stop work for 6 months on Drs orders :(.

The reason for my post is I'm having a nightmare with my 8 year old boy, he is very sensitive and loving but can turn into a wild and angry boy in an instant. I'm scared to ask him to do anything like tidy his room as he just shouts and screams at me. He is making our rather large family a living misery. He argues and shouts at everyone and his behaviour at school has got worse over the last 6 weeks or so. He has more hugs and time then any of the other children in the house and generally wants for nothing (love wise) he is putting an enormous strain on our marriage and my husband has already threatened to leave as he hates him :( I love my little boy more then anything in this world but I'm struggling and in tears on most days. It has got to the point where I'm contemplating him living with his dad, (round the corner) as he's making everyone so unhappy, these thoughts I'm having are breaking my heart. I have tried everything you can imagine to find out what is wrong and encourage good behaviour but nothing works. His stepdad sees the stress its putting me under and then reacts by shouting and telling him some home truths, this upsets me also as I just want to scoop him up and give him a cuddle, but I know I can't as his behaviour needs to be sorted. Any Advice or help to point me in the right direction will be great fully recieved as I'm at my lowest point right now :( xx thank you xx

[mumoffive3215]

Hi Tink, I've just read your post and felt I really needed to reply. I too have been here, I have 2 children from my 1st marriage (a girl and a boy). When I met my second husband we went through hell with my son. My husband also took the "home truth" approach which was really, really difficult. I too had the same thoughts and I too felt completely alone with no-one who understood. Please believe me when I say that you are not alone, other's have felt the same but unfortunately there is no easy fix. I ended up sending my son to live with his father, only for 2 weeks but that was enough for him to realise that I wouldn't put up with his behaviour any more. I was also lucky that he got a male teacher at primary school at around the same time who also helped redirecting his energies into learning. It is horrible whilst it lasts but stick to your guns and do not give in to his demands as difficult as this is. Send him to his fathers it will do him no harm and it may relieve some of the tension in your home. I am glad to tell you that my son is now a teenager and one of whom I am incredibly proud. I hope that you find a solution that fits you and your family and just remember you are not alone and if you want someone to "vent" to please feel free to reply.

[TheRealMaryMillington]

He has been though SEISMIC life changes in the past two years and even more recently - two step siblings, split with his dad, new "dad" figure, baby on the way, presumably new home too? All those new and changed relationships to cope with?

I think it would be more surprising if he'd just taken all this in his stride and his behaviour wasn't affected.

IMO your new DH isn't helping AT ALL by shouting and threatening to leave. (I trust you mean DS hates him rather than the other way round?) Start with him, agree an approach, stick to it.

[Tink76]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's os nice to know I'm not alone, Iv noticed there are a few threads with similar problems with boys around the same age. My 2 children have gone to nannys in Devon for half term so I'm recharging my batteries, as being so poorly makes it harder to cope.

The threat of sending him to his dad's did seem to work for a while (although he would love it to start with) but the hundrum of life would soon kick in and he will find out it's not all fun at dads house!! We spent some time together Friday evening which was lovely and I had a little chat while we played and he new he had behaved in an unacceptable way. He has been through a lot in the last 2 years which I sympothise with and always use as the crux of his behaviour but do struggle with stepdad as he thinks it's all rubbish and he's just a naughty boy (very black and white!) so always playing piggy in the middle. But I'm enjoying my few days of peace and I'll see how we go when he returns!! Thank you xx