10 month old tantrums! Help!(9 Posts)
Hi, my 10 month old has started having tantrums when she doesn't want to be put in her high chair or pushchair or even put down from having a cuddle or carry, getting dressed and being on her tummy. I'm concerned as she's so young perhaps I've done something wrong that she gets so upset. She cries loudly with tears and will make her body bend away from the floor or pushchair etc, or become limp so it is hard to sit her down. I want to reassure her and be gentle but in afraid of creating a little emperor if I reward the tantrums too much. I try to talk to her in a soothing voice and to distract her. If she continues I use the word stop and calm down I a firm calm voice. On one occaision I briefly left the room as I felt myself becoming upset and I didn't want to shout at her. What can I try? Is this normal at this age? She isn't independently mobile so I think some of it is frustration, I try to avoid the situations that stress her as much as possible or to distract her by singing or with a toy but I'm panicking about how to best help her. Is it the right time to start getting more firm about boundaries? She is sleeping poorly and teething both of which don't help. Thanks for your time
She is very young.
She needs cuddles, reassurance and distraction.
Walking out of the room when she is distressed will only upset her more.
You say that she is not sleeping well due to teething.
She may well be crying from tiredness and discomfort.
What are you doing to ease the pain of teething?
Are you encouraging enough naps in the day time?
I don't think I'd call them "tantrums" at this age. Your DD is just letting you know that she doesn't like something in the only way she can! Some are babies are more opinionated and feisty than others, but she doesn't have the capacity to be manipulative yet so I wouldn't worry too much about giving in vs. boundaries. Just try and pick your battles!
Keep on with distractions and perhaps try and turn things like getting dressed into a game as well, with tickling and peek-a-boo.
Have you heard of The Wonder Weeks? It's a really interesting book and website that gives insight into babies cognitive development and explains exactly why they go through phases of being grumpy or clingy or whatever.
3littlefrogs thank you for your reply. For the pain of teething I'm using Calpol (she reacts to ibuprofen), lidocaine gel, cold teethers and Breastfeeding, I also bring her into our bed if she needs extra reassurance. I encourage two 'proper' naps a day but she's also in the sling quite a lot so she will nap in there too if she feels tired, and if she shows tiredness cues I support her to have as nap when possible. I left the room as a last resort which kept both of us less distressed than we would have been if I'd had shouted (I understand none of it is her fault, unfortunately we all have limitations).
Mrsfrumble, I have the wonderweeks and I love it, I understand this is probably due to a developmental stage. I was trying to avoid the terms that offend some people and didn't want to write crying as it is more than that. I understand its communication, and it's an effective way of expressing herself. She has a few words and signs so I'm hoping as she is more able to use these she will be less frustrated, and when she can move on her own being sat down to play will no longer feel like being stuck.
I will keep cuddling and reassuring and playing then. We do peekaboo with face hands and feet when changing and raspberries on her tummy. 'This little piggie' 'round and round the garden' watching mummy and daddy get dressed at the same time, singing songs etc sometimes it works but the vast majority of the time she becomes so upset and i feel really sad for her. I heard something on the radio about how I should be giving her boundaries in order to help her self regulate from 6 months if she is distressed, but In my eyes she is very young for it too.
Hoping the phase passes soon!
Thanks again xx
No help here but just to say it sounds like you're being a good mum :-)
OP walking out of the room if you feel yourself getting angry with your baby is absolutely the right thing to do. Make sure that she's safe, put her down gently, and go and take some deep breaths.
All of the things that you say you're doing are great - in fact, you sound like a really lovely mum. But it's normal to get frustrated sometimes too, and there's no shame in stepping back from her for a second to regain perspective and control.
It's frustrating but totally normal at this age for some babies' personality types. My DS developed this unique high-pitched scream at that age that was ear-shatteringly intense and sometimes reduced me to tears from stress. Anytime we did something he didn't like - high chair, car seat, took away a
dangerous fascinating new object etc - he would just scream like a banshee. It meant we really struggled getting out and about with him at that age as people would genuinely turn and stare in shock when he did it.
Now at 3, he is still opinionated and doesn't like being told what to do but at least he can tell us with his words now. At 10 months, they are learning likes and dislikes and the fact that they have the ability to choose but obviously their means of communication are a little primitive . Don't let it wear you down and just keep working on staying calm. It does pass eventually!
Thank you rootypig and solaselle. It's great to hear its normal and that others have been through the same. I love her so much and I just get so anxious when she cries. Thank you for your encouragement and reassurance
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