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Is son's dancing in public bad behaviour????

(41 Posts)
peppajay Fri 06-Feb-15 21:36:42

Not sure if this is the right board to post this as we think my son has aspergers - currently under going diagnosis. My son is 6.5 and very different and quirky to other boys his age and to my husband he is a total embarrassment. He absolutely adores dancing and dances day and night. He dances more when he is nervous and scared and also when there is an audience, he has no sense of embarrassment or self awareness. On a Friday night my husband usually takes him to pick my daughter up from youth club, and he loves going with him, it is a 15 min drive there and back and it is a bit of dad and son time in the car where my hubby cant get embarrassed until they get to the hall and then he breaks into a routine in front of all the parents and my hubby detests it constantly apologizes for his terrible behavior. The whole dancing in public thing is a huge issue as DH thinks it should be stopped and shouldn't have gone on this far. I do think he feels nervous around his dad as he knows he doesnt like it but he still does it. They dont spend much time together as my DH finds him and his quirks really hard to deal with, so this is prob the only dad and son time they get. Anyway he has told him several times before that he will not tolerate his dancing when he is with him and tonight he broke into routine at youth club again when his dad had said no- so he is misbehaving by not doing as he is told. He knows that I will tolerate it and knows daddy doesn't like it. DH says it should have been stopped a long time but it is the only way he can feel safe so I feel by stopping it - it is going to cause him so much stress and he really lives and breathes dancing that long term it could be really distressing for him. So is it bad behavior and doing any harm or am I being too soft and it needs to be stopped.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Fri 06-Feb-15 21:39:11

Your son sounds wonderful, and your DH sounds like a dick. Can you enrol your son in some dance classes so that he can let his flair out in a controlled way? He'd really love them.

Haffdonga Fri 06-Feb-15 21:40:50

No. It is not your ds's bad bahviour. It is your dh who is behaving badly.

peppajay Fri 06-Feb-15 21:42:21

He does musical theatre classes on a Saturday and loves it, if I win the lottery this week I will be enrolling him in ballet, modern tap and street dance classes as well!

Tiredemma Fri 06-Feb-15 21:43:03

Dancing is not misbehaving. Get him in a dance class and dont allow your husband to 'slip his wings'

He sounds lovely tbh (my son also loves dancing and singing- its a joy to see)

Tiredemma Fri 06-Feb-15 21:43:19

clip not slip!!!

DeanKoontz Fri 06-Feb-15 21:43:31

Why is he only getting this little bit of 1:1 time with his Dad, when really is dad is concentrating on driving the whole time. This isn't quality time.

He's only 6. Nobody will think anything of his dancing. Sign him up for some classes maybe.

Dh needs to take more of an interest and stop being embarrassed by his lovely son.

squiz81 Fri 06-Feb-15 21:44:25

Without meaning to be flippant this does sound like a synopsis of 'happy Feet' I can't see why your husband is embarrassed? Unless he is chucking out some serious dirty dancing moves surely it's lovely he wants to dance??

LucyBabs Fri 06-Feb-15 21:45:40

Your ds sounds great fun peppa
Unfortunately your dh not so much hmm

Out of curiosity what kind of dancing is your ds doing??

WowOoo Fri 06-Feb-15 21:45:56

There are times where it's fine to dance and times where it's not best to dance.

Your son is only 6 and picking up a sibling seems to fall into the 'OK to dance' category for me.

It's horrible that your Dh feels so ashamed of his son.

I agree, Ds needs the dance classes. As does Dh maybe?!

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Fri 06-Feb-15 21:46:09

If he's being assessed for Aspergers this is possibly his 'thing', something that he can not control. It's very unfair to try to force him to stop. My nephew loves football (he has Aspergers). He can talk the hind legs off a donkey about football and it would be incredibly unfair and traumatic to take his football away from him. He's not misbehaving at all. Your DH doesn't get him, does he? sad

AnnieMorel Fri 06-Feb-15 21:46:50

Well, I would think he was funny and outgoing, he's only 6 ffs!

Your husband is being an arse. I would be worried about the effect his attitude will have on your son if it continues.

peppajay Fri 06-Feb-15 21:48:39

Exactly what I thought thanks. DH thinks is a behavior issue as he has been asked to not do it and he still does it. The whole quality time thing with his son is an ongoing issue as he cant emabrace his individuality so he tends to avoid it as much as possible. As part of the diagnosis process for aspergers we need to attend a Triple P parenting course and I am hoping if I can get him to attend this will maybe help him understand his behaviours and quirks a bit more!

SukieTuesday Fri 06-Feb-15 21:53:11

Would your DH be so embarrassed if it was your DD doing the dancing?

velourvoyageur Fri 06-Feb-15 22:00:00

Gosh I wish I could be like your son! He'll be very popular at secondary when the clubbing starts!

Could you persuade your DH to just slack off on this one issue? It sounds like DS might be getting slightly anxious about it. "He dances more when he's nervous and scared"- I could be wrong but there might be something compulsive about it.

If I had a kid like yours who could just get up and make up his own dances I'd be utterly delighted, he sounds like a lot of fun, very creative. I bet you're really proud of him.

I know a little girl who loves to dance smile it's so cute when she hears some music and instantly finds the beat (she's bang on as well) and makes up her own little dances, she's brilliant.

Does your DH not realise that he can't cover up his own inadequacies by suppressing others' behaviours that make him feel uncomfortable about himself....DS is DS, not an extension of your DH. It's like if someone was really Victorian about nakedness so made their daughter cover up completely (when it's not a cultural expectation) to make themselves feel better. Just not on. (Sorry I might have misread you, just realised- when you say "his inadequacies", do you mean DS's or your DH's?)

APlaceInTheWinter Fri 06-Feb-15 22:06:16

My DS is the same age and dances all the time. He's even been known to dance down the aisle in the supermarket (if the aisle is empty and if he likes the music playing) and sometimes I dance with him

It would be good if your DH could find some other time to spend with DS as really the current arrangement doesn't sound like quality time since your DH is either driving or giving your DS into trouble for dancing. I feel sad for your DS if this is the sum total of his father/son bonding time sad

LynetteScavo Fri 06-Feb-15 22:08:48

Your ds sounds fabulous! smile

You sound likeable brilliant mum.

Your DH need to lighten up.

2gorgeousboys Fri 06-Feb-15 22:16:24

Your DS sounds delightful and I echo those that say let him try dancing lessons. As the Mum of 2 dancing boys, 1 of who (DS2, 9) dances any where and everywhere I understand it can sometimes be seen a little strangely (especially in the school playground or supermarket aisles) but it makes him happy and no one is hurt by it. My boys make me proud constantly with their dancing and last week when DS1 (15) waltzed with a 95 year old lady and made her day I could have burst. Dh however struggled with the idea of the boys dancing at first but that was his issue to deal with.

Ledkr Fri 06-Feb-15 22:19:23

My da is a dance teacher and says if you are near him he will teach him for free. Pm me if u are near glos x

WhisperedWords Fri 06-Feb-15 22:27:56

Gosh is your husband from the town in Footloose?

Your son is only 6 - I struggle to see how dancing whilst picking up his older sister from a youth club is in anyway misbehaving. It's hardly pushing doing a song and dance number during the moment of silence at a memorial service.

Your little boy sounds delightful sand I hope his dad learns to love and embrace him for all that he is and the joy he brings.

ladyflower23 Fri 06-Feb-15 22:33:44

My 3yo ds dances all the time and I love it! I think it's fab and plan to send him to classes when he's a little older. Your son sounds brilliant and I think he should only be encouraged. To not stop when told to by a parent could be seen as bad behaviour but the behaviour he is being asked to stop is something completely harmles that he loves so unreasonable to ask him to stop in the first place. It is your dh's issue not your son's. Hope the pop course helps with this.

APlaceInTheWinter Fri 06-Feb-15 22:34:20

Gosh is your husband from the town in Footloose?
This made me grin . Just last week I Youtubed the Footloose dance routines to show DS. I love the finale dance but DS was much more discerning and preferred the one in the warehouse.

ladyflower23 Fri 06-Feb-15 22:34:49

I meant the ppp course but a pop course could also be good ��

Queenofknickers Fri 06-Feb-15 22:38:00

Is DH from Puritan times? wink You can't and shouldn't stop a child dancing! grin

Frecklefeatures Fri 06-Feb-15 22:43:50

Ledkr your message is just lovely, how kind of your Dad, I really hope that works out ☺. I teach wee ones with ASD and the dancing is absolutely fine - he's regulating his moods, not harming anyone, and it's unlikely to be causing anyone any issues except his Dad. As he gets older you can help him be more selective about time & place, but he's young yet for that. Hopefully the course will help him feel more accepting towards different behaviours. It's tricky if your husband is a quiet/self - conscious person - kids with ASD are great at doing the unexpected ☺

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