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Inappropiate behaviour (willys)

(10 Posts)
Gangie Thu 29-Jan-15 14:49:12

Ok so my son is just gone 4 and a few months back there was an issue with him and his 2 cousins (one is also 4 and the other is almost 6). While I was playing a game with my lo he mentioned 'willy licking' that when they play in the garden, they sometimes do 'willy licking'. I was shocked and worried and wracked my brains as to where he could have seen or heard such a thing. By the way, its not even a jokey term that me and oh use, just in case anyone thinks he may have overheard. Anyway he has never to our knowledge walked in on us dtd or seen anything inappropriate, and we dont have sky tv so it couldn't be that porn could have been accidentally viewed. Also we dont have a porn stash or any such thing!

So I figured that maybe his older cousins, who has older friends may have picked this up somewhere? I spoke to his mum and she said she had never heard her son mention those words, and that he hadnt seen anything inappropriate either. I had a gentle but clear discussion with my son that this was totally inapproipate and the 'willys' are only for weeing, and you must never touch another persons private willy and that as they are for wees that they are yucky (ie. no licking of such parts!)

Anyway I thought this was all done and dusted, Ii was keeping an eye out for similar or worrying behaviour and there was nothing, until this morning. His creche rang me and said that another mother had rang today and said that while my child and her child were in the bathroom, my lo said when the had done there wee, that he should lick his willy and vice versa.

Oh my lord, im getting a bit worried now. My children are cared for by there dad and go to a good creche and they are never really left with anyone other than very close family - who I trust implicitly, there is NO concern over abuse or anything like that - but what on earth is going on? I cant understand where he has got this idea from (when we spoke the last time he said that his cousin told him of the game, but the mother has said no way, by the way Im not blaming anyone here) I just want to know what I can do to make him understand that this is totally out of order?

Its not he kind of thing I can google! Has anyone any idea of what I can do?

Pumpkinette Thu 29-Jan-15 16:35:06

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. Can you ask him about it again? I would be inclined to think its something he has heard from the cousin. Can you speck to the cousins mother again - it might have been something he has seen or heard that he shouldn't.

I have one other thought of what it could possibly be. Do you or do the cousins have a dog? Could they have seen a dog licking its willy and thought - I can do that and then when they can't they do it to each other instead? Unlikely I know but it's the only innocent explanation I can think of.

Sorry OP I hope you get this figured out. You must be worried sick.

tumbletumble Thu 29-Jan-15 16:55:04

Have you asked your DS if he's ever heard anyone else say it?

I can understand why you are worried, but I think it's probably innocent tbh. All 4 year olds are interested in their willy aren't they? He's probably thinking it would be nice to lick in the same way he enjoys fiddling about with it - not in a sexual way.

Iggly Thu 29-Jan-15 20:05:35

Have you spoken to the dad about it. Would he have any insight?

Gangie Thu 29-Jan-15 20:21:40

No there's no dog in either family. I did speak to my sister but she insisted that it came from my son not hers but i really can't explain where he would have come up with it & the cousins would play a lot more with older kids? I don't think there's any point asking her again. His dad has been involved in all discussions with my lo and he's worried too bit thinks it's from the older cousins. We both sat down with him this evening and told him again that it's not good to touch anyone else's privates and that the other boy had told his mum because he was a bit upset about it as he knows no one should be touching his willy.

Should I offer to contact the other mother to apologise & let her know we have taken it seriously?

laurenfalvey Thu 29-Jan-15 22:06:06

I think it's just the age and being curious. When my oldest was about 4 (he's now 7) he realised girls and boys were different and wanted to touch 'down there' on his cousin and used to giggle with boys his age about kissing bums. I was horrified and had a serious talk to him about how bums are full of germs and them parts of your body are not to be touched by anyone but yourself and it seemed to work. I think he would cringe if I mentioned it now.. xx

Ineedacleaningfairy Fri 30-Jan-15 11:45:43

I would assume that he has made up the idea if licking willies himself, my ds is a bit obsessed with licking his baby brother (although not his willy, mostly his face poor baby) my niece went through a stage of giving car kisses which were licks.

I would reiterate the willies are not for other people to touch message and leave it at that.

MiscellaneousAssortment Fri 30-Jan-15 16:07:30

If you've exhausted all other avenues, I think maybe it could just be a kid thing.

Try not to over react in front of him, and try not to imbue childish innocent behaviour with sinister adult motives - IME that can be very upsetting for the child and leave them feeling very guilty and confused.

Nutgirl Fri 30-Jan-15 20:29:18

I agree with other posters that it's probably just innocent childish behaviour and that you shouldn't project adult meaning into it. All children are interested and curious about their bits and I'm sure it's completely innocent. You know your child and the people he comes into contact with so you know it cannot be anything sinister.

My DS1 is 3 and 4 months and often strips down and plays with his willy. He has a male friend who when they get together to play, they always take their pants and trousers off and run around naked from the waist down. My friend's DD same age as my DS is the same and always takes her tights and pants off at softplay etc much to her mum's embarrassment. But that's the beauty - the children aren't embarrassed and why should they be? It's completely innocent.

Please try not to worry, I'm sure there is nothing to be concerned about.

fattymcfatfat Fri 30-Jan-15 20:49:58

I do agree that this is probably innocent but I would speak to the other mother again as one of her dcs is nearly 6 and should know better at that age. She should have taught him by now that they are private and not to be touched by people! And to basically place all the blame on your child is unacceptable! Its as much to do with her children as it is yours and she needs to speak to them aswell!

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