Crying at the nursery drop off. Every time.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

My 2.3 year old cries blue murder every morning at drop off. On the way to nursery he is saying he doesn't want to go to nursery. When we get there he clings to me, crying his eyes out.

I looked at him through the window after I left this morning, and he was still crying about 10 min later.

Apparently he spends a bit of time every day asking for mummy.

I don't know what to do. I work part time (3 days). Working is a necessity. But it kills me seeing him like this and having to leave him.

Have tried bringing in his favourite toys, his comfort blanket etc, but nothing so far has worked.

Can anyone advise. Am hoping someone will come along with a simple cure that is really obvious

thanks X

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

Hmmm, I have this and it ruins my day. Due to my circumstances My DS goes to a childminders one day and a nursery the other (I work 2 days) and he never cries at drop off to childminder but cries every time at nursery.
How long has he been going? Would you consider a childminder?

[addictedtosugar]

How long has he been at this nursery for?
And if it is a long time, have you considered a different childcare setting - maybe a childminder, if he wants/needs to have a more permanent person looking after him, rather than the room changing staff at nursery?
I don't think there is a quick answer, however we have explained to both boys (now 3 and 5) that I have to work to earn money to pay for nice thigns like holidays, and that the quicker we can do drop off, the quicker I will be back, as I'll have finished my work. It helps to some extent.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Thanks for replying.

He has been going there for about a year. He went through a spate of being fine, and then his key worker left and it went to pot again.

Perhaps I should look for a childminder in my area instead. I was loathe to move him about, and thought that the nursery environment would be good prep for nursery school, but maybe I need to rethink it. Also the nursery is only 2 doors from my flat so it's very convenient.

Where do I find these childminders?!

[Nolim]

Childminders must be register with the borough. Check their website or ring them and ask for a list of childminders. You can also try childcare.co.uk.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Thank you Nolim

I am looking at childminders in my area. I have no idea what I am really looking for!!

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

I picked my favourite 3 from childcare.co.uk and made appointments to see them, the first 2 were fine but I just didn't love them then when I met the third I just knew she was right. She had DS from 7 weeks and DD from 20 months so my standards were high but she was wonderful with both my DC. She is flexible, will have them for an hour here and there if ive got doctors etc and has even had then overnight (I'm a single parent). I class her as a friend 2 years later.
Good childcare is worth it's weight in gold.

[HoggleHoggle]

I'd be tempted to change the setting given that he's had a good while to settle down and he hadn't seemed to.

Hope your childminder search goes well and ds is happy there.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Thanks all

I have emailed two childminders who seem suitable (I am basing this on distance and cost - is that really bad? I am assuming all the qualifications are correctly in place - its all a different language to me) and am going to try and set up meetings.

Thanks for the advice

[Nolim]

Nothing wrong with considering location and budget as some of the criteria for finding childcare. Good luck.

[whyhasmyheadgonenumb]

That's exactly the criteria I used!

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Can I just ask, if anyone knows about this sort of stuff...With regards to childcare vouchers. We both currently get 243 quid taken from our salary per month, and it's paid straight to the nursery, tax free. Can we also do this with a childminder?

[feekerry]

Registered child minders can accept child care vouchers. Not sure if all do but they can.
What's your ds like generally??
Is nursery drop off the only time he is clingy??
The reason I ask is dd of the same age has pretty much cried at nursery drop off every single time since 9m old!!!
Thru the rooms it has at times got better with a particularly good key worker but generally she cries and clings every time, but, dd is a lot like this normally. Clings in shops, play parks etc. cries if another adult talks to her etc so in our case I think it's just the way she is.
What's your ds normally like?

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Hi feekerry, that's the thing. He is only like this at drop off. Never been a clingy child. He is not like this in any other situation, ever! That's why it's so odd and disconcerting.

But perhaps he will be like this no matter who is looking after him in the day? It's impossible to tell until I actually make the change. But I can't bear it much longer. It's quite distressing to see him like this, and to have to leave him in that state is awful. I thought he would just get used to it but it's getting worse!

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Sorry, in answer to your question, he is usually very funny, happy, playful, mischievous, independent.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Sorry in answer to your question, he is a bright, funny, happy, playful, mischievous, quite independent little boy. When speaking to other adults he is "shy" for a few minutes before he is chatting away happily.

[FourthMary]

I went through this with my ds, left it far too long but eventually realised it was the setting, not just him. I moved him to a much smaller nursery this time last year (on mnetters advice ), cried the first day I took him to the new place and hasn't cried since .

Trust your instincts.

[UrchinMadeOfAcne]

Fourth, thank you. My gut feeling is to take him out, and put him somewhere smaller with more one to one interaction.

Will get the ball rolling tomorrow...

[FourthMary]

I found a great place that I suppose is in-between a childminder and a nursery, really small with 10 in his preschool room and 2 staff, suits him much better than the larger old nursery, I think he got a bit lost in there.

I spent months thinking it would get better or just him and we could go through the same even if I moved him, so glad I bit the bullet.

Now I know what drop offs are meant to be like, happy smiley ds just walking off, which leaves me so much happier and settled at work.

[Needmorechocolate]

My little boy was the same. He used to get very upset at the drop off every day. It was the hardest thing because you feel so awful leaving them. He used to grab on to my clothes as I left. He also used to regularly ask them when mummy was coming to pick him up. :-(

However, I was happy with the care the nursery was giving him and I've had no problems with my younger child going there so I really think a lot of it was down to his personality.

I was really worried about him starting school and how he would be at drop off but after the first couple of days he was fine.

Looking back I now think it was all to do with "uncertainty" in his mind. He is a child that likes routine and I think that a nursery where children are arriving and leaving at different times of the day was unsettling for him. School meets his need for routine because all the children start at the same time and all the parents arrive to collect the children at the same time.

Not sure if this helps at all but just wanted to say that this stage won't last forever. Obviously if you aren't happy with the nursery then it would be a good idea to look at other options but if not then maybe speak with the nursery about what u can do together to reassure him etc.

[clairemum22]

Just to agree with need more chocolate. My ds cried at nursery drop fairly consistently for 3 years. (He only went once a week which didn't help). He cried once when he started school, and has been happy since. Think he liked the quiet and structure. Sorry though, I know that doesn't help you now.