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Running off, left a bad taste!

(6 Posts)
PuffinPie Fri 09-Jan-15 21:17:49

Hi,

Not been on here for a while, but hoping to gain a little perspective.

My eldest son is 4 and has settled well into school. He can be challenging at times but not that I would say is particularly different from other boys. I deal with things as best I can, particularly as I have found myself caring for my two boys full time since I spilt with my ex 2 years ago.

I will get to the point. Around November last year my son went through a short phase of running off ahead of me on the school pick up. One particular day he ran with a friend and they kept going, both of them ran past the school and onto the estate at the top. The Friends dad was calling his son who eventually stopped. I began shouting out of frustration because he still ran for a minute or so. I managed to catch up with him and told him how wrong it was for him to run off and when mummy calls him he must always come back.

Since that day I have managed to change this behaviour by telling him to stay close for his safety and also changing our route.
The day after it happened the mother and father of the friend appeared to snub me and be less friendly. We have talked about that day and I have tried to make my concerns clear. This afternoon at pick up I overheard Dad of the friend saying to his son not to run off with L (my son). I couldn't believe what I heard.

Maybe I should have posted in Aibu. I have taken this to heart. It was a one off, they both ran off and the other child didn't stop for his dad, is that our fault? I feel as if they have labelled him. I understand there will be times you will be mortified as a parent but who do they think they are?

Please help me gain some perspective here.

DeWee Fri 09-Jan-15 23:48:49

Hmm.
Well I can see a few possibilities here.

Running off could mean just as much "running over to and walking with", not necessarily running away.

You do say that he was "going through a short phase of running off" so although it may have been a one off he ran with the other boy, they may have seen you struggling with your ds at other times.
The saying not to run off with L could have been just as much respect for "don't encourage L to run off, as it's hard for his mum" as "it was L's fault".
I have at times asked my dc not to do something that I am personally happy with them doing, but I know another parent isn't happy with their dc doing and I know they will find it much harder to stop theirs if mine is doing it.

Children are more inclined to do things like run off if another child is already doing it. If you have a runner then you may decide to warn your dc before they run off that it's unacceptable. I can't specifically remember a time, but I have warned my ds not to do something with another child. It is no reflection on the other child, more a reflection that I know that if ds sees another child doing something he knows I don't want him to do, then he is probably 10 times more likely to do it.
For something like running off, it is much easier to lay down the law before it happens then do the chasing after shouting "stop there!" particularly, if like my ds, they can't hear from behind.

This happened in November. This is January. Unless you think they've said this every day since then, which is unlikely, the chances are this was in direct response to something said, or they saw him preparing to run.

We have talked about that day and I have tried to make my concerns clear.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. Your concerns over him running off, or your concerns that they seem to be snubbing you?
I wonder if they felt you were trying to blame their ds if you wanted to talk about it again. In which case they may be inclined to keep away in case you start blaming their ds again.

PuffinPie Sat 10-Jan-15 20:46:36

Thank you Dewee, your screen name did make me chuckle smile

it was a bit of a rant and probably not particularly clear, you know when you feel better just to get it written down.

By concerns, I have talked to the friend's dad about how difficult it can be, how they don't always listen and how i worry i am failing them pretty much every day. The exact subject of the day didn't really come up. I know I am probably over thinking and do tend to take things to heart. But I think it's easy to take things personally as a parent? Especially when you are on your ownhmm

D'S does know it's wrong and I hope we have nipped the whole thing in the bud before the result could have been much more serious.

Meloria Sun 11-Jan-15 10:07:08

Sounds like the Dad is trying to be helpful to you and you're taking it the wrong way entirely.

Frusso Sun 11-Jan-15 10:16:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuffinPie Sun 11-Jan-15 13:36:15

Thank you everyone. I know I take things to heart. Good to have the support on here smile

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