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I'm gonna hit you/break that/throw you in the bin!!!!

(9 Posts)
Jhas Thu 08-Jan-15 21:51:37

So, my 3.5 yr old DS1 has been going through what i hope is a phase for the last 3-4 months, and it is driving me crazy and guaranteed to bring out "Mrs Shout"!
For the most part he is a lovely considerate little boy who often says he loves me and is very cuddly. He even holds doors open for other people when we are out in shops. But if he can't get his own way, (and sometimes without provocation) he will suddenly say "I will break this toy" or "I don't love you any more" or something really unpleasant. I don't know where it is coming from, and I have tried putting him on the step, taking the toy in question off him, removing treat after treat until there is nowhere left to go but shouting and banishment. Recently tried just ignoring him which did work for a while but seems to be on the wane now, so I just don't know what to do next. One thing is for sure though, it pushes me to almost breaking point which I know is just gorgeous to our little monsters!!!!! Any tips or suggestions would be welcome. Thanks

Mehitabel6 Fri 09-Jan-15 07:56:39

Don't rise to it.
Keep your tone very neutral and sound bored.
If he says he doesn't love you any more just say 'that's OK, I have enough love for two.' If he says he is going to break a toy say 'what a shame, then you won't be able to play with it any more'.

mumof4lovebeinbackatwork Fri 09-Jan-15 09:00:37

My daughter and one of my sons had similar behaviour at three to four years old. I too found this difficult and at times became Mrs Shout :O
What Mehitabel says is true as if we react with upset or anger we are giving the little guys too much power, but of course we mums are only human. In the end your calm reaction is THE most powerful thing you can do to show your son no matter how rude or out of control he is, you are in control of your emotions. Also continue to redirect him to another activity after calming stating 'use your nice kind words" and making it clear you expect gentle polite behaviour, but try not to worry if he isn't able to rise to this at all times.
Redirecting your son to playing out a role as your helper i a great ploy to get him positive attention for good behaviour try chores around the home such as putting on a waterproof apron for your son and getting him to help wash the dishes or wiping the table (even if it is not dirty).
Your child is being rude to get your undivided attention, even if that attention is negative (Mrs Shout just upsets us in the end as well as them and letting her have a say just isn't worth it!)
Keep in mind he will become older before you know it with a new trick up his sleeve and forget this cheeky ploy! At least he is clever at manipulation, which one day he can use in a more positive fashion smile

mumof4lovebeinbackatwork Fri 09-Jan-15 09:26:19

Forgot to say remember o keep using your sense of humour whenever possible... always better than letting Mrs shout win..
Try "I'll throw you in the bin in a minute,cheeky rotter" or
"" Oh that hurts mummy's feelings" Come on now, remember we always use our kind words.' "Boo hoo I;m a very sad faced mummy"(make a silly sad face) then redirect to a helping task "Come along Let's get this silly old washing put in your draw before we wash our hands for lunch" or whatever style of humour redirects his cheeky behaviour. and lightens up the mood of the situation ...

Jhas Fri 09-Jan-15 15:52:23

Good advice gals. I just need to breath, keep it in and ignore. It is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard not to lose my rag though. Especially when I am bored stiff, and frustrated and missing normal grown up human contact, and the ability to go to the loo without interruption and demands! smile

Mehitabel6 Fri 09-Jan-15 18:35:17

I found that going out of the room and counting to 10, fixing a smile, and going back with a positive comment got me out of a downward spiral.

Greywackejones Fri 09-Jan-15 18:50:00

Don't forget, you can slip sometimes. To always be calm would be as weird as being always shouty, neither is normal state really. You have to acknowledge your own emotion as constantly squashing it is a bit like pushing a jam sandwich, it comes out in other places when least expected.

So it's more about mindfulness than not having any emotion at all. "How to talk so kids will listen" is a useful read (book, Amazon). Or try orange rhino (online) and also aha parenting (online).

I still shout. Sometimes. And if I do I'm more educated about why and handling it, me and dc.

It's a constant battle. I'm only just started!

Mehitabel6 Fri 09-Jan-15 19:02:42

Grey is right- nothing wrong in showing you are human!

mumof4lovebeinbackatwork Sat 10-Jan-15 07:59:01

jhas I went through the same stuff as you needing more adult contact when my children were younger. Hope you can plan something nice just for you this weekend...or at least at the end of the day when the little one has fallen asleep after another busy day learning about the big world and testing boundaries (unfortunately for you!). I agree with Grey too -was getting soooo frustrated today with my 8 year old's demanding behaviour today, and probably looked like a kettle ready to blow steam....or a squished out jam sandwich

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