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new sibling nightmare

(5 Posts)
ithoughtofitfirst Tue 06-Jan-15 17:52:30

I've posted about this before. I'm sorry to bring it up again but today I nearly flipped with my ds. I didn't.. but I'm not sure how I dealt with it was much better.

I'm hormonal, run down, exhausted and really spread thin but my God I am TRYING to be a loving and patient mum and really thought I was doing an ok job. I'm not shouty. I spend loads of time with him. I have made 100% effort to make his life consistent to what it was before. I'm not even delegating that much to dh to deal with.

My ds hates me. He looks at me like he absolutely loathes me. We have brief times of getting on and having fun but he is horrible at any opportunity to reject me.

Today when playing with him on the floor with nana there. He walked over to me grabbed a chunk of my hair and yanked it as hard as he could. Completely out of the blue. Then cried at my reaction which was just one of absolute horror and THEN walked over and hugged my MUM for comfort. I just left the room and cried in my room..

Fuck this.

I am so fed up. I know I am being really sensitive and its probably just a phase but I'm so worn out with the angst and rejection. I actually feel guilty for enjoying my 10 week old cause I just want my little boy back.

Please tell me how to make this easier. Or tell me it gets better.

northernlurker Tue 06-Jan-15 18:28:51

How old is ds?

It is just a phase but a very tough one and yes it WILL get better. Different strategies needed depending on his age. If he's over two I would go with lots of praise and positive reinforcement. Ask him to pass you things, get baby wipes out of the packet etc. Give him choice of dvds for feed time, make sure you get some one to one with him where again you do lots of praise. Ignore bad behaviour - even hair pulling and distract him by praising something he has done. He just wants to be sure you're still there and the new baby hasn't stolen you.
If under two then positive praise is likely to impact less but still worth it. Ignore the bad behaviour and the anger and be consistently pleasant. Get down to his level everytime you speak to him. If you can sit on the floor and feed the new baby so that you're on his level. Any visitors need to hold the baby whilst you do one to one with ds.

ithoughtofitfirst Tue 06-Jan-15 18:40:45

He's nearly three. I am really angry at myself for letting him see me upset.I've been so patient with him and now I've probably sent mixed messages and upset him. I was so shocked though. I thought it was quite aggressive and don't get me wrong he's a pain in the ass but he's never aggressive like that.

Some amazing tips there thanks northern

northernlurker Tue 06-Jan-15 21:02:44

Hair pulling in adults or even older kids is very aggressive. In a frustrated toddler it's just what (literally) came to hand. Don't worry anymore about today. It's over and done and tomorrow is a new day. Losing patience is a totally normal part of motherhood.

I've thought of something else - lay emphasis on the things he can do that the baby clearly can't - posting letters in the pillar box for example. Kids love that. Any Christmas thank you cards you want to write? grin

ithoughtofitfirst Tue 06-Jan-15 22:17:44

Such a good idea. Thank you for the suggestion I've got loads of jobs like this that I could involve him in.

I spent all evening with him in bed watching cars and playing while dh had the baby. By the end he'd edged closer and closer until he was resting his head on my chest. Makes me feel quite tearful actually.

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