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How to deal with super demanding 4 year old

(5 Posts)
Whyisthissohard Fri 02-Jan-15 09:17:50

My 4 year old is driving me totally crazy and I am really at the end of my tether with how to deal with him. He's always been super active, impulsive etc and can't stay still for a single second. I am starting to suspect adhd.

A typical morning would be wake up, run downstairs and have a huge whinge and moan about having to eat breakfast. Getting dressed involves getting him out from under his bed several times, trying to stop him talking and moving long enough to brush his teeth, trying to stop him kicking his wee-filled pull up across the bathroom at someone, persuading him to get dressed (trying to make him do this himself as encouraged by school). Everything you ask him to do is met with angry shouting and whinging and crying.

He literally cannot play alone for a single second. If we are at home and I try to make a cup of tea/ put the washing in/ do an online shop he whines and whines that he wants me to play with him. When I do he constantly tells me I've done it wrong (cars in the wrong place, making the wrong ambulance noise/ building the imaginary wall wrong etc).

He's recently started taking absolutely ages on loo. This has now turned into wanting to go repeatedly within a few minutes (literally as soon as he's off the loo he decides he wants to go again). I'm taking him to the docs this morning in case he has a UTI.

Other parents we meet say he's like a cyclone/ whirlwind etc so it's not just normal behaviour. He's literally 100 miles an hour from dawn til dusk and now with added anger and whinging. He can be so sweet (he's lovely when ill or sleepy!) but the loveliness is getting lost.

Has anyone else had this? How did you cope? Is there somewhere one can get proper advice on this? Am wondering if I can self refer to an ed psych.

a2011x Fri 02-Jan-15 10:19:41

My nearly four year old daughter has a similar personality and I have at times suspected a behavioural issue. My daughters issues stem a lot from lack of confidence and her reluctance to play alone is because she's too quick to say 'I can't do it'. For me what helped the most was encouraging her massively and overly inflating her confidence for a few days , telling her how clever she was, showing her how to do things and then watching her do them alone, telling her I want to see how clever she is and when she does it make a massive fuss. For everything else I had to take charge as she was controlling my life and was making me miserable, discipline and boundaries were made, punishments did happen and now she is aware of what is not ok. I had a conversation with her where I explained what was ok and what was not, it ended with 'ok I won't do it again' and we have been mostly fine since. I have to explain everything thoroughly before it happens and I find she's much more relaxed, in the morning she asks what we are doing and what time and I explain she has one hour to relax or play alone while I do the jobs before we go out, it's all about attention and feeling in the know for her, I hope maybe this might help you. It will get better!

Micah Fri 02-Jan-15 10:28:39

Mine was the same.

Gymnastics, swimming, ballet, dance, I put her in every activity going.

it got better at she got older and eligible for more/longer hours.

She does 3 hours sport a day now after school and it keeps us sane. If she has a day off she's back to climbing the walls and bouncing off the furniture.

footallsock Fri 02-Jan-15 10:57:34

My DD is the same and she is nearly 5. Its driving me insane. Her younger brother s much calmer but plays up when she does now. She does 6 hours of sports activities on top of school to keep her busy, but in the holidays she is bouncing off the walls if we are not out. She is fine at school generally - luckily her school is big into interactive and outside learning.
I sometimes have wondered about her behavior but as she can be ok at school I think its just a case of needing attention and stimulation - she is destructive and disruptive if bored. She doesn't listen and throws huge tantrums. She is definately better if she knows what the plans for the day are and has rules....but tried that this morning and she was running wild and we were late out as she refuses to eat.

Whyisthissohard Fri 02-Jan-15 22:03:38

Thank you so much- it really helps to know I'm not the only one! I will look into sports and adopt your other suggestions too. I really appreciate the ideas!

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