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Dd affected after separation - nightmares & feeling afraid

(2 Posts)
lizardqueenie Tue 16-Dec-14 22:38:55

Wondering if anyone can offer me any advice or experience re my dd who was 4 in oct. My H & I separated back in October, he has moved out of the family home. I've tried to keep things as open as possible for my dd but in a way that she can understand so we have said that daddy & mummy aren't living together anymore, I've reassured her best I can, kept routines going as much as possible.

She has been up & down, it's not really helped with her dad being quite inconsistent about contacting her- always saying he's too busy or had a meeting,but he does have her every other weekend.

However in the last couple of weeks there have been a few things going on for Dd that I'm not sure if they are all related but they have all happened at once. So sleeping badly, having nightmares- I think recently on the back of H taking her
to see the paddington film &
her being a bit scared by it but then also asking questions about death(no-one we know has died recently & again this could be the film).

I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do now - so many questions which are related to the separation but could also be her age. Are there any good resources out there? Or anyone had similar with their DC's? You just want to make it all ok for them don't you

Taler Fri 19-Dec-14 18:28:21

Hello, firstly so very sorry to hear you and your husband have separated. I of course don't know the ins and outs (and of course not asking), but just feel for you. Me and DH are hanging by a thread! Being a parent is so much harder than anyone ever tells you.

Anyway, re your DD, I wanted to comment (and hope this won't be a negative comment as not intended to be so, just realistic).

When you are a young child your parents are your world. Your pillars of strength holding up your world. When one parent leaves, even if it is just to another home, one of those pillars has suddenly come crashing down. It really is that black and white with children. They will express it in such different ways to you or I.

I don't say this for you or your husband to feel bad in any way as you are human and the black and white for us adults is that something's work and some don't. Plus you are both entitled to be happy, even if that is apart.

All you and your husband can do is constantly shower her with love and affection. That's all you can do.

My parents divorced when I was 6. My dad sat me down and said "I'm not gonna be living here any more but I will see you all the time and I love you very much". He ended saying "do you understand", to which I said something like "yea can I go and play now".

Well of course I didn't understand! That 6 year old girl was sat there subconsciously thinking "what on earth are you going on about dad? What do you mean you're not gonna be living here, where else would you be".

Asking to go and "play" I could make-believe that everything was ok.

For a personal reason later in life I had a course of therapy and all this became apparent.

To reiterate, none of this has been said to upset you or make you feel bad but at least with knowledge you can try to understand your DD a little better.

Wishing you all the best x

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