calm down !! calm down !!(9 Posts)
so .... dd1yrs and ds 4yrs usually very well behaved with me ,are both very excitable but at the moment I am just feeling like I don't want to take them anywhere or have any one round especially men !! friends partners , grandparents etc even when dh is home they are just so exited the situation gets out of control (dh doesn't help the situation really )
I don't know how to calm them , or distract them i feel as tho i am handling it really badly and i end up shouting or by the evening i just want them to go to bed. and this is only if we have done something exiting or someone has been round not if we are alone the three of us they are just lovely - perfect !!!
when they get exited ds mainly, its like he completely phases out on me , his eyes go slightly crossed or glased over, he wont stop talking /interrupting wants constant attention , can become rude and difficult and looses his kindness towards his sister which is usually the cutest thing you have ever seen
eventually he will end up having a full on melt down and crying ,being sent to his room because i need him away from the situation .
i just don't know if this is normal or if i am just handling it really badly and making it worse or even causing it
Remove them to a safe place and breathe. It may take two minutes or twenty.
Ignore bad behaviour and praise gently for good behaviour. Don't overdo the praise.
Never offer bribes and follow through on threats "if you do that you will not go to the park" if they do it again they don't go even if you are screaming for a break.
Watch their sugar intake. Believe me. It can send some kids berserk.
He is very young at four to be deliberately thinking up ways to make your life difficult. With two young children you will be tired and at the moment you are going through one of the hardest times of your life.
The more wound up you get the more he will pick up on it and he will get more and more upset.
He can't rationalise and think thoughts such as 'Mummy will like me more if I calm down'
I am afraid it is up to you as the adult, to remain as calm as possible and respond to any negative behaviour by not responding. Please don't shout at him. It is very aggressive behaviour and when he is older he will shout back at you and at others, as he will think this is acceptable.
You have to find ways of calming yourself down. I suggest a course of Mindfulness. When we have slept well and we feel calm our reactions to situations are more tolerant.
Your little scrap, because that what he is, will be so grateful that you were kind and nice during his childhood. What ever patience you show towards him will, believe me, be repaid in shed loads.
When you are old and frail would you like him to shout at you because you forgot something ?
He is relying on you for his emotional well being, please don't let him down.
It might be worth checking that you are not depressed, just in case.
red ruby thanx for the advice ... i do, do all of those thing praise praise praise.. you say not to overdo it but i have always been of the understnading that you cant praise too much..i really slather on the praise but i really mean every word of it i never say it when there is nothing to praise but they are really great kids so praise is never an issue ...
it has only been recently that i have heard people saying not to much and am beginning concern that mayb i am over doing it .??? whtas too much??
also another thing....... is the sugar thing really true as i read some research somewhere that stated it DOESN'T cause kids to be hyper , although i must admit there sugar intake has risen slightly with the festive season. i am usually very careful with there diet sugar salt fat etc ,
hole thanx but i think you are missing the point I AM NOT DEPRESSED !
i have done a few parenting courses since having ds and i have followed them well and been consistent with my parenting.. i do not always shout the reason i put this was because its not like me and i am struggling with this particular situation .
the fact is my ds becomes very exited very easily and his ordinarily good calm , polite behaviour can become , slightly hyper , over talkative,sometimes rude and very loud only when around men ,visitors and very exiting situations and will often result in a tantrum or uncontrollable crying and i wondering if its something that i may need to look into or if its just his age and in which case the best way deflate it .
It sounds like jealousy. Your attention is taken by someone else.
With the older s try doing some turn taking activities - roll a ball , putting pieces in a jigsaw. Etc. say ' mummy's turn' , 'x's turn' Then incorporate one of your friends. Build this up over weeks and use dad as well. This will help him understand other people being involved.
Star chart for good behaviour when someone comes over.
I could have written your post! My DD is 2 and around me (although she is perfectly capable of being a hyper ball of fury) she is pretty good. When DH is home its more hit and miss but add her grandparents into the mix and bloomin heck its hard work.
I've narrowed it down to:
Junk food. She likes chocolate - but in excess sugar and chocolate and general junk food crap does make an impact.
Over-tirdness. She doesn't always nap and over-tired often equals hyper.
Over-stimulation. Our normal home life is fun and busy but my folks adore her to the point of obsession and she loves them. When they are round the talking / doing / cuddles / shopping is constant and it really gets to her.
Mimiking. If I am frazzled and prone to shouting it makes it worse and, she is likely to mimic my behaviour later.
In terms of calming her down I really don't have any tips apart form leaving the situation which is not always practical!
Maybe they're just tired and excited and don't know how to control themselves.
With ds, when we visit people, I take some Lego for him and books. For dd i take colouring in and stickers. Then I can get them doing that.
But have a think about when they're behaviour goes doolally - I bet it is when they've been cooped up etc.
thanx all good to hear im not alone!!
I think the sugar thing at the moment is mayb what has made it slightly worse and lead me to feel like its getting out of control .. we are constantly doing christmassy things which come hand in hand with treats especially when dh is around.....
when we go somewhere / have someone round i try my best to occupy them but ds is just soo exited he doesn't hear me /listen and when i finally get him to hear me (get his attention in another room ,down on his level make eye contact ) he focusses for a second then as soon as he walks away it goes out of the window .. when i am trying to make eye contact with me its like he has gone slightly mad looking all round fidgeting and gittering , glazed over etc
the are never cooped up unless one of us is ill.. ds goes to pre school every morning but seems knackered after and i find if i do anything after school that will result in exhaustion and crying meltdown after ...
we usually have a routine of school for ds , mum and toddler group for dd and i , home , lunch , somethng like craft ,cooking, playing together,
quiet time = beaker of milk and leappad/colouring or book on sofa . , tidy up time then dinner , TV dad comes home , bedtime routine begins bed by 7/7.30
I really want to teach him to control his excitement but i dont know how or the awords to use or demonstrate .. i have noticed actually that dh is the same he can get exited about things and starts acting silly /annoying he doesnt know how to stop.
This is going to sound like strange advice. You are at the moment the total centre of your dc's world.
Take a breath and say 'Daddy and I are talking, we will be with you in 30 seconds sit quietly and we will listen then' then set an audible timer.
Then up it to one minute, two minutes and then eventually they forget what the 'emergency' was but give the dc one minute to explain the 'problem'.
Easier said than done I know! But it does work.
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