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How to deal with 'MINE'

(3 Posts)
GingerDoodle Mon 08-Dec-14 16:20:12

My dd is almost 2.2 and this last week she has started, very angrily, declaring things she wants are hers with a loud 'MINE' which can escalate into a temper tantrum...

How do others deal with this one?

moominbabe Mon 08-Dec-14 22:57:16

DD started at the same age (she is 2.5 now).

If it is something belonging to someone else, we start with a calm "yes it is lovely but it isn't yours, it belongs to X. X doesn't mind you holding it for a minute it but would really like it back now. Can you give it back please?" Suprisingly this does often calm down a tearful, grabby "NO MINE" situation. If it doesn't work then we just gently remove it from DD and hand it back, give DD a hug while explaining the concept of ownership and sharing yet again smile. I've found patience can work - I don't expect an instant hand over, but give her 30 seconds or so (while holding on to her so she can't run off with it) to think about it and make the decision herself. The panicky "MINE!!" tends to happen if we try to remove it too quickly.

If it is something she sees eg in a shop and decides that she wants then we just tell her its not hers and explain why (we haven't paid for it, it belongs to someone else etc). If she still goes on, we simplify it to just "no its not yours". If she's in the buggy its easier to manage, trickier if she is on foot and legs it back to whatever she's after!

Distraction is your friend - find something interesting to get excited about, or ask her to help you with something (DD loves helping find stuff in the shops. and knows where all the main items are now!) and she'll soon forget about it (hopefully) grin

Goldmandra Tue 09-Dec-14 15:45:43

Children need to explore the concept of 'mine' when they first find out it exists and experiment in order to work out the social rules around it.

At first, to your DD, it will mean 'I want it'. Use clear communication and consistency to help her learn what it really means. Be firm about what she can't have but think carefully about confusing her by making her share things you've confirmed are hers.

Distraction is great and giving now and then in is easier but they can make the process of learning longer and the tantrums more frequent and powerful if they mean your response isn't consistent.

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